You do not know what pain truly means unless you have your soul ripped to shreds. It was a common saying in the eastern continent.
Ren Lei was experiencing how true those words were: in the worst way possible.
Slowly being engulfed in the darkness of unconsciousness, he thought there would be nothing else left for him. Death would be as simple as falling asleep and never waking up again.
Except, the only thing that awaited him was agony. Agony that felt as endless as time itself.
His bones were being ground to dust, every inch of his flesh had been ripped away from his body, his eyes had been gouged out, every tooth pulled out. If he had not experienced it, he wouldn't even be able to imagine that such pain could exist in the world.
That wasn't even the worst of it. After his body had been thoroughly erased from existence, he felt calm and at peace.
His body slowly regenerated in a gentle and soothing light. Yet even that was filled with cruelty; it was merely the preface of the agony he had yet to suffer.
This cycle continued. For how long, he did not know. When it had ended, he opened his eyes to find his own self in his vision.
He was sitting down in a comfortable looking chair with a vacant and empty look in his eyes. Every now and then, a maid would wipe off drool from his face.
His empty, glassy eyes looked at nothing in particular and stared ahead at empty space. Sometimes, he would let out some incoherent babble, sometimes tears would stream down his face.
He was still reeling from the sheer amount of pain he had gone through. Just thinking about it made him violently shudder.
He had wanted to poison himself because he wished for a painless death. He didn't know about poisons in the first place so he had just gone to an alchemist's and asked for a good poison to commit suicide with.
Ren Lei let out several curses in his head towards the smiling old lady who had sold him that packet before his heart finally calmed down. The sheer intensity of his curses was enough to kill the already old woman from pure shock.
After several moments spent coming to terms with the fact that he wasn't being tortured anymore, he noticed something was a bit off. He looked down at his slightly transparent hands and then looked at his physical self that was sitting in a chair before him.
Have I become a ghost? He thought to himself. But that was easy enough to disprove since he was still alive.
He didn't know much about ghosts but he at least knew that someone had to be completely dead to become one.
Can I even be considered alive? It was a valid question. Perhaps he was simply experiencing a vivid hallucination before his death. Not only that, his situation was thought to be impossible for thousands of years.
A body breathing without a soul was rare but not unheard of. But a soul without a body? A soul that still retained consciousness?
He had read many books but even the most obscure of them didn't mention anything about this. After all, this topic was simply too absurd to even bother writing down.
There was a possibility that a book about it existed somewhere but, the Ren Family library simply didn't have it. It wasn't very big to begin with.
He extended his hand forward to touch his physical self but it simply passed through. It wasn't just his body either, his hands passed through even the chair his body was sitting on.
As he slowly stepped back, a maid wiped off the drool from his physical body's face.
It was only then he noticed where he was. He recognised the furniture and the intricate silk curtains. He popped his head out of the door to find himself in a courtyard he had been in before. It was undoubtedly Yun Meili's room.
Except, everything looked different from how he remembered. The courtyard was crawling with guards and servants, the simple room had almost been renovated.
Entire cupboards full of medicinal stuff he had no idea about, a bathtub in one corner, five maids standing around his body at all times, and even the chair he sat on looked very grand, luxurious and yet comfortable.
Since he appeared completely invisible and could pass through solid stuff, he wanted to go explore the place but he couldn't go past the courtyard. It was like he had chains binding him down to his physical body and that was the limit to which it could stretch.
With a sigh, he returned to Yun Meili's room and sat cross-legged before his body.
"Is this supposed to be our successor, stepmother? Are you sure?"
Ren Lei heard a distant voice. He quickly turned his head towards it but saw nothing there.
"Do you doubt my foresight, son?" A female voice that sounded cold and emotionless replied. "And he is not supposed to be your successor. He is the most likely candidate."
"This pathetic weakling?" The first voice spoke once more. It was deep and husky, almost gentle but carried such dominance that it made one want to bow by merely hearing it.
"This one might not be able to cultivate but—"
"Being a cripple in body means nothing. This one is a cripple in mind. Committing suicide to regain control of his destiny? That Yun kid clearly loves him. If he had some brains, he would use her to establish himself. He would use his own two hands to rid himself of the shame his entire life has been mired in. But no, he gave up. Like the pathetic fool he is. By his age, this Emperor was already the lord of three cities."
"You are an Emperor, he is a crippled child. Comparing him to yourself, is that not too harsh?"
"Hmph! Not only should our successor be comparable to us, he should also be able to surpass us. If not, why shouldn't this Emperor just sit on the throne till our dying breath?"
The woman appeared to have no answer to that.
Ren Lei had been searching for the source of those voices but he found nothing. He could vaguely tell it originated somewhere from the north.
Those words should have been scathing to him yet he didn't even react. It was nothing he didn't already know.
He was a bit curious about what that successor business was but he had no way of knowing and the other party didn't seem interested in telling him.
"How should I address the seniors?" Ren Lei finally spoke with a bow.
"You aren't worthy of addressing us. Earn your right to stand before us first. You can consider yourself fortunate that you are capable of hearing this Emperor."
"He can hear us?" The female voice spoke just as emotionlessly as before.
"Of course he can. Why would we waste our words otherwise?
"Three things. We will tell you three things. How much you get out of them, depends on you.
"One: It is possible for you to retake control of your body.
"Two: A disaster will soon befall Ether Cloud.
"Three: There is a book written by this Emperor in Yun Family's library. Find it, if you wish."
Just as suddenly as he had begun hearing the voices, he stopped hearing them. He wondered if it was all an illusion but that line of thinking could lead him nowhere.
It was possible to regain control of his body? Why would he even want that? He wouldn't have tried to commit suicide if he wanted to live. He didn't see his current state as a second chance at life, he saw it as a burden.
Even if he retook control of his body, what would be the point? He would still be Ren Lei, or rather, Yun Lei now. He would still be the crippled fourth son of the Ren Family. He would still be married to a woman he didn't care about. He would still be a prisoner to his own fate.
Besides, the way those words had been said, he didn't particularly like. It wasn't you can, it wasn't you should. It was, it's possible. That is, it would most likely be exceedingly difficult.
Yun Lei was a cripple but he wasn't stupid. Whatever that poison was, it was no joke. The fact that he was even alive in some form could be considered a miracle. How could it be easy to retake control of his body?
It would most likely result in a lot of hard work. Why would he bother putting in so much effort to return to a life he no longer had any desire for, a life he had already tried to throw away?
Those words that Emperor had said were right. He was a feckless coward who had already given up. But, a few insults wouldn't be able to change his character.
Although his curiosity was piqued by the book that he had been told was in the Yun Family's library, that alone wasn't enough to motivate him.
As for the impending crisis that would befall Ether Cloud, he wasn't even bothered. He had already put that information at the back of his mind and paid no heed to it. The entire town could cease to exist the very next moment and he still wouldn't care.
As he just sat there on the wooden floor, Ren Lei began to notice a problem. Boredom. He really didn't have much to do. Most of his days were spent at the Ren Family's library where he had read almost every single book.
Just sitting there, doing nothing was starting to wear on his mind. And within the range his soul form could move, there was nothing interesting. If he tried to close his eyes and fall asleep, the suffering he had been through, returned as vivid nightmares.
The moments crawled by as Ren Lei leaned his head against the wall.
A minute turned into an hour and an hour turned into hours.
When night fell, the maids would carefully move his physical body to the bed.
When the morning came, they would give him a bath, dress him up and let him sit on his chair.
Yun Lei was almost losing his mind by then. He tried to keep his mind calm, and his thoughts in control but it just wasn't happening. He tried to sit in meditation but that just made it worse.
How the hell do those cultivators spend decades in a hole somewhere? He couldn't fathom the patience such a thing would require.
At first, he thought not having any necessities was a good thing. He didn't need to eat, he didn't need to breathe and he didn't need to answer the call of nature. Eventually, he learned that lacking those needs just made him feel even more inhumane.
Needs were a fundamental thing that tied humans down, after all. After years of cultivation, one could learn to rise above those needs but it was a slow and gradual process. For Yun Lei, who had the mind of a mortal, lacking it only made things more jarring.
Hours turned into days and days turned into weeks.
During the first week, Yun Lei had tried desperately to end his body's life but he couldn't affect anything physical in any way.
He wasn't even sure if his soul would be wiped out if his body died. Given that he seemed to be tied down to it, assuming that wasn't a complete shot in the dark.
In the second week, he had given up. He just tried to fall asleep when he could. If the nightmares didn't let him, he would just stay up and meditate, and try to calm his thoughts.
By the third week, he was used to it. The mind-numbing boredom. The crippling sense of anxiety that extended from his lack of ability to affect anything around him. Watching the maids wipe off drool from his body's face.
He was used to it all. He even felt a strange sense of peace he had never felt before.
How long will this continue? Such a question would pop up in his head, now and again. He was used to even that.
It was a normal morning like any other when Yun Lei had been roused from his sleep by some loud noises. It was strange. The courtyard was always silent, the maids rarely said anything. Noise was the last thing he'd expect.
After popping his head out of the door, he saw the servants going back and forth in a hurry.
Well, whatever. He thought and sat down cross-legged in his usual spot at the corner. A little noise wouldn't be enough to disturb his heart anymore.
The doors swung open and two women walked into the room.
The first one, he was already familiar with, intimately. His legally wedded wife, Yun Meili.
The woman behind her, however, made him question his eyes, his non-existent heart palpating like a drum.
She wore simple white robes, her sky blue hair flowed down to her waist like a great waterfall, her eyes were cloudy and unclear yet their charm couldn't be denied. She walked holding a cane in one hand, the other extended forward, feeling for anything that could be in front of her.
Yun Lei felt as though someone had shoved a hand in his chest and squeezed his heart to the point it was about to burst.
"N-Ning'er?"