Have you ever felt helpless?
Like there is something you want to achieve, but you yourself don't believe you have the ability to do so?
Well, most of us have....
But let me ask a question: Why can't you achieve it? Why can't you grab it?
Some may answer that it's not their fate to do so. But, can you truly say that you know your own fate?
Only the gods may know your fate. And even then, most of the time they don't care. To them, we are only human after all. And to top it off, you are only one in six billion, why are you special? Why would they bother with something like that? It's just a thought that has become stuck in your mind.
"Isn't it just an excuse then?" some might reply back
Well, yes and no.
Humanity as a whole has infinite potential in making a miracle happen, but they intentionally set limits in place.
You see it in society, for example, in schools.
As a concept its purpose is to prepare young minds for the future, to make them "dream". Yet, in practice, it becomes quite hypocritical.
For the number of people that had their dreams fulfilled, it can never amount to the crushed ones left in its wake.
It is a truly sad fact. But, what is even sadder is all that potential lost as a consequence. All those talents left untried and unused.
Those who had their dreams crushed or limited might never be able to move on, living stale in this system we call hierarchy. Thinking they will never be accepted as they are.
Society might limit us, but the biggest crime is that it makes "us" limit ourselves. It corrupts our minds with negativity. Making us dependent on others to solve the easiest of tasks even when we could easily do it on our own.
We become conscious of our place, never moving from that spot despite having the ability to do so. We think that we can't achieve anything despite never trying it. We give up on trying to better ourselves, to cherish our gifts. We become corrupt in our way of thinking; in our way of living.
Even if light may shine in front of us, we never go out of our way to grab it. Because no one told us to...
Our greatest enemy becomes ourselves.
All left is a sense of hopelessness.
...
It's dark.
As I run across this dark ally that is the only thing I can think of.
I look up, my feet making splashing sounds as I run into a puddle.
"Why?", was what I thought right then.
I used to hear stories about the night sky. Nannie used to tell me about them a long time ago. About the dark backdrop that draws you in. About the stars, shining like the fireflies we used to catch. About the constellations and the adventures behind them. About how Nannie promised that she would take me to see them one day... But they weren't there. And Nannie isn't here either.
Those dreams seem so far away now, floating above, just out of reach.
Yet when I raise my hand trying to defy the truth before my eyes, the only thing filling the sky was bleakness, giving off an emotionless feeling.
"Nannie..."
I couldn't help but feel the tears welling in my eyes.
"Ar-Are-Why aren't they there!!!?"
I felt something I hadn't felt in a long time. A feeling that would probably make Nannie sad if she saw me. Somehow I just know it. Still, having been rejected by the world like this, I felt a small crack forming deep in my chest. This is?-
Suddenly I felt like a million needles were prickling my brain. Like they were forcefully injecting something into it.
I continued screaming until my voice went horse, like a mad man at their last straws. But that came to an end shortly after-
"They" found me.
"Give it up kid. You've been screaming at the sky for a long while now. You broke or something?"(Lackey 2)
I suddenly heard a voice from behind. It sounded familiar, but in a way that gave me a chilly feeling down my spine. That crocky deep voice.
My head felt heavy. I try to turn it, but... I can't. I don't want to. Because if I do, I probably wouldn't be able to take it. I feel like I would be forced to let go of this fleeting moment. To... go back to reality.
A place that makes my stomach churn just remembering plays in my mind.
Please don't be him. I-I've lost so much. Everyone...Nannie. Please, Please! I promise to never do anything bad anymore or act out of line again! ... Just, please. Don't send me back there again.
"What happened? Did she really break? She is quivering like a bug. Well, I guess that is what happens when you are forced into a corner. Look, she is even crying!!"(Lackey 1)
"...."
At those words, I turned around. My body felt as limp and lifeless as my mind did, like my inner turmoil just went still at those words. Silencing my maddening and distracting my mind. How could I be so foolish?
Years of memories flashed before my eyes. Lacking in no detail. The pain accompanied it, but it did not compare with the information it gave. As if lightning had struck my head and cracked it open, memories flooded from its hidden depths. Not that there was much to remember though. Just darkness and coldness.
But...
There was also warmth. My friends. Still, that was of no relief. I mean, they are already...
I feel a flood of emotions and memories slowly awakening in my brain. The myriad of expressions, bonds, and separations are reexperienced at an unbelievable speed. And at the end of that tunnel, I find, not light, but sadness. In turn, that sadness gives way to melancholy at the understanding of my situation.
I can't run, not like that would make any difference. The Adults would probably catch up to me in a moment. I should be happy that I made it this far. When they found me, I had already lost after all. If I just give up and do nothing I would probably face a lighter punishment anyway. Normally, I would still be afraid of it, but...
...I have nothing. That was the only thing I could think of in that situation. They have already taken it all. I can't lose anymore if I don't have anything to lose...
This was my last attempt. I have been running for so long. Wait? Why did I run in the first place? ...I-
Such thoughts filled my mind as I came face to face with the Aurmors. When I remembered their voices from a moment ago, two faces came to mind. It's probably Evan and Scott. No, I'm sure of it.
They probably wouldn't be too mean in their punishment. Well, I'll survive at least. I haven't gone through the "gift" ceremony yet, after all. I still have time...
"Hey, kid! Stop snooping around and get your legs to work! Why are you looking at me with those dead fish eyes again? Did ya suddenly get your memories back or something?"( Evan )
"This lass really gave us a run for our money, huh? We've been tracking you all the way to this city. Well, not like it matters. We would have to go here to deliver you anyway. You might actually have made the situation easier on us. We just have to let the Boss do the rest of the work. Lucky you, your new owner is just a train trip away! hehehe."(Scott)
Wha... Did I just hear it right? New owner? N-No!!
"Wha- what are you talking about!?"(?)
"Oh, yeah. Seems like we forgot to give you the memo kid. The buyer wants us to hand you over early. It takes time to prepare for the ritual and stuff, after all. Seems like they want a pretaste, too, looking by their words. Heh, guess you have something to look forward to!!"(Evan)
The two laugh maniacally at that. Like they were howling hyenas, playing with their prey.
It's over.
I remember Nannie once telling me that each and every one of us has a special "talent". These talents can take many forms, and, in special cases "rare talents" appear. The Aurmors are collecting such people... people like me. I don't know what happens to those people or why they are special, just that they always disappear when they turn 5. Nannie said it's because they go through the gift ceremony...Nannie she-Wait?
Suddenly, a certain memory surfaces. Memories that ley even deeper than the ones from before.
Nannie-No, my sister. Right, how could I not remember? She was my sister. My dear older sister. We were always together until that day. Then she-
Caught in a moment of nostalgia, what should have been a beautiful moment in this precarious situation, a single sentence made me standstill.
(I have to go, I leave the rest to you.)
It was such a simple message, one of only a few words. Yet, It made my heart start thumping again. I could feel the message seeping through my body before leaving, setting it ablaze.
How could I forget? That day. The tears. My promise. All of them had slipped my mind. The reason I have been running so far. My sisters smile as she entrusted her dream to me, offering herself up in my place.
But... I can't run any longer.
At that realization, I once more fell into despair, no, even worse than that. Since I can no longer run, I can't escape my true fear either. My incompetence.
If only I had a different "talent", my sister wouldn't have to take my place. If only I had a better gift she wouldn't have had to suffer. Then she-she wouldn't have had to sacrifice her happiness and dream. And now that she is not here-
I can't do anything. I-I couldn't keep my promise. She- for nothing, she...
Plomp*
My body went limp as my knees hit the ground.
Why, why did I have to be this useless? B-because of me, my sister-everyone had to give up so much. And for what? I can't even save the life they gave up their own for!
I-if only, If only I wasn't-
(I have to go, I leave the rest to you)
As fear and hate enveloped me, driving my mind further into darkness, my sister's message replayed in my mind. I recall how she smiled as she said it, despite the tears in her eyes. How even amidst despair she held hope, hope in me.
My head is a mess. My memories mixes with those planted by the Aurmors. But even then, a certain feeling persisted, beating loudly in my chest.
Ever since that day, I have wanted something. This tiny bit of desire pricking at the back of my mind. One last thing before I would disappear like the others. I wanted to fulfill her wish.
But... I can't achieve it. This challenge is something I can't surmount alone. Even if I can outrun Scott, Evan will easily catch me. He always does. That is why.
"Help... Someone, "anyone", please"
I could only rely on others. I hate this part of me, how I can only make others suffer for me. But I can't do anything on my own. Begging and running is the only thing I know. But I can't give in to shame now. I have to at least fulfill my sister's dream, no matter the cost, or probability. Whether I have to crawl or offer myself up to the dark lord, I would give it my all. After all her wish was-
"Easy for you to say! Your buns aren't the ones on the line here!!"
Suddenly I heard a voice in the distance. I could not make out what it said. In fact, I was wondering if my desperate mind had begun conjuring illusions.
...
.
.
.
.
Authors note: Okay yeah this took way longer than I thought it would. Sry. But hey, everyone is human...
Anyway, as some of you might have noticed, this chapter does not feel complete...Because it is. After rewriting the plot like a dozen attempts at rewriting the plot of this chapter (As I wrote) I came to this conclusion: It's a hot mess!
So, in order to make it more comprehensive (and save me brain cells), I have decided to split it. This time I promise that the next part will be delivered tomorrow...
Also, this is the second time we end the chapter on this line, and the third time it is used. Like, it would be okay if this was a long-running novel, but this one doesn't even have 20 chapters. Anyway, it's making me sad just imagining so let's just forget about it, okay?
Ps. Please tell me if it's something you can't understand from the chapter, and I'll try to make it more comprehensive.