The first time.
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10:28 am
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The first time, I can say that I had a good reason but really it's a matter of morals you know?
Hurting others over hurting yourself.
No. Hmmm.
It's deeper than that, for example there's a story
Where; You are an inmate in a concentration camp. Meanwhile A sadistic guard is about to kill your wife who tried to escape and gives you a gun with one Bullet. He wants you to point it at your wife and pull the trigger killing her in the process. You are surrounded by other armed guards.
He says that if you don't he will not only kill her but other innocent inmates as well. You don't doubt that he means what he says Additionally he makes sure that you're aware that "if you try to kill yourself I'll simply kill everyone."
What should you do?
What can you do?
It was a situation like that where no choice was the right one.
Seemingly.
I mean, the need of the many over the needs of the few?
No-one is that self sacrificing.
No-one wants to die.
What i can say though, when the opportunity came and I realized in that split second that it was either me or that person, I chose me.
Selfish?
Yes.
But I didn't want to die. It was as simple as that.
...
Remorse? For the unfortunate fool? Maybe. But I'm sure he'll understand.
...
Hmm yeah, its not every time that such a thing happens, I was just unlucky it happened to me but so was he, if he wasn't standing there he'd still be alive.
...
Detail? Well you already know intricately what I've done, it's in my record after all.
...
So by making me say it again you're hoping I'll show a trace of remorse. I already told you that I'm remorseful didn't I?
...
Alright. Fine. My day started like usual.
Wake up.
Shower.
Get ready for school.
Breakfast, my parents didn't really care for me much. I was sorta just there and they couldn't be bothered, arguing constantly. It's not as if it was anything new. It's always been like that and truth-be told I enjoyed when they were like that.
More time for me to be me.
Well continuing, I didn't really have any problems regarding school and I had friends it's just, they too, were mediocre.
Honestly though, I'd been getting restless since so much time had passed since the last time I'd seen Vera. I was honestly beginning to think that I wasn't gonna be able to see her again.
My frustration was at an all time high...
~~|~|~~~~~~~~||||~~~~~~~
The subway wasn't very crowded as was usual, this was very unusual for the time of day it was. I'd just finished school and was gonna take the train home. This was the fastest way and the one I often took.
Well to really understand what happened next you'll need a understanding of the layout of the area.
Entering the subway are two long escalators one going down while the other returns to the subways' entrance at street level. At the bottom of the escalators are checkpoints where you scan your card and go through the respective 'gate' in order to get to the platform where you'll need to wait for your train to arrive. The rails themselves being more than 15 feet lower than the platform.
I'm sure you understand where I'm going with this.
...
Are you really gonna make me say it again?
...
-sigh- ok.
I was frustrated, parents, school, friends but mostly because I didn't think I'd get to see Vera again. Because of that, I auto-piloted.
I know the route to my platform as I've taken it so many times.
But, this time I didn't pay attention and lost in thought I walked by the others waiting for their train and to the edge of the platform and took another step.
No-one stopped me.
They all saw me.
They were all... looking at me,
But they didn't try to stop me.
And it's not even that I'm short.
But as realized my mistake my balance was already ruined and falling was just a matter of when rather than if.
But..
It was so slow, my right foot off the platform and my left foot in an awkward position. That's when I saw from the corner of my eye to my right, at the edge of the platform, stood a man seemingly in his early thirties just looking up at me from his cellphone.
I... I reached out to grab at his clothes. Thinking if only I could grab a hold then I won't fall, my heart seemed to thump at that moment then -thump thump-.
I grabbed.
Missed.
No... I closed my eyes and grabbed again and pulled.
...
Did I? Fall?
The sound of the train screeching to a stop and a distinct crunching sound.
My shoulder hurts and the train... the sound of the train seemed to have faded. Then screaming...
Oh god I'm dead aren't I?
It doesn't hurt, then I'm dead aren't I?
Slowly I opened my eyes looking at the ceiling of the platform. Many people have started to form a crowd around me.
At that point I remember feeling slightly disappointed. After all if I'm dying right now. Then I wouldn't see Vera again.
The coppery smell of blood stained the air around me.
Wait, did they all come down to the tracks to retrieve my broken body? The numbing sensation slowly moved away and I realized something.
Pain... it wasnt that I couldn't feel it. It was more like, there was none.
Slowly I moved my head looking left, past the group of shoes that surrounded me.
Platform. The white tiles and the glow from the over head florescent lights shining and faintly reflecting from the tile's surface.
I looked left.
Same thing.
Didn't I, fall?
"Don't move ok kid?" Some random guy stated. "Frankly you're lucky to be alive.."
What he said next, brought me feelings I couldn't quite understand at that point in my life.
"You almost fell, but the other guy wasn't as lucky as you.."
I...
I had.
...
No I don't have trouble saying it. It's just.. reliving the moment makes me, itchy.
...
Nah, I have no reason to deflect.
...
What makes you think I'm lying?
...
Yeah I know, it's in my best interests to cooperate yada yada.
...
Look, I don't know why but I think it's related to Vera. You know how she treated that wound I'd received that time when I'd been impaled.
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Oh right I haven't told you about that yet.
...
Ok, well yeah Apparently, I'd pulled the guy onto the tracks, and he'd given me just enough leverage to pull myself back into the safety of the platform before he'd taken my place.
...
I'm smiling because at that time. I'd finally come to realize just how mangled the guy had been.
Hmm the train did a number on him, broken bones visibly protruding from his skin well, where skin was left.
His head too was busted, literally. Like a watermelon. Wasn't as pretty though. Pieces of brain here and there guts spilling out, entire limbs just, missing.
...
Ha ha, no this was a long time ago so I kinda got used to it over time, it's funny just how easy it is to get used to messed up shit.
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I mean, if you want I can avoid the gory details next time.
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Yes, there's a next time. Didn't you read my file?
...
Anyway later on I was taken to the station as the police wanted to ask me some questions.
That's where things really escalated. It was shitty timing, but it was good that it happened, I'd waited long enough.
It's too bad though, I didn't realize I was directly inline with a security camera.
I was...taken, while I was in police custody and to top it off, right beside two armed, police officers.
See the thing is, at that point my eleven year old self was entirely convinced that everyone had their own personal..
*chuckles lightly*
Time-portal.