It feels like I have always been doing this. When actually... How many weeks has it been? Three? I'm not sure, but today I received my first answer from the many letters I had sent to complete strangers. The yellow seal on it has two flowers. Checking the notes on my desk, it is the symbol of Count Blomgren. So this is a letter from Nari Blomgren, the third daughter of the family I have started to contact through mail.
"I don't remember what I said to her."
My memory is not one of the best. I tend to forget what I have eaten two days ago or what I should do tomorrow. That's why I try to write most things that I shouldn't forget or have Dina remember them for me. She helps me very much, especially with timing. But this one, I prepared myself in advance. I didn't want to give a bad first impression, so I copied every final version of the letters I sent so I could keep the flow of writing.
Grabbing my notes from the drawer, I search for Nari Blomgren on the corner of the papers.
"Found it. Now I remember! She was the one I wrote quite a lot."
Blomgren is the count under orders from the same Duke as our house. Nathan is good friends with Count Blomgren and Rishon grew up visiting the other heir for playdates. Nari is the third daughter of ten years of age. Since our parents get along, my writing didn't need to be so stiff and formal.
I presented myself the best I could while asking her about herself. What she likes to do and what she prefers to study. At the end of it, I left it open for her to decide if we could be pen pals. If someone had emailed me demanding to be a friend, I would have deleted it from my phone inbox right away. I only presumed Nari would also be like that.
After opening and reading Nari's letter, I write a response right away. She seems very eager to keep in communication with me. In her writing, which is very neatly written, she vividly explained her days at home. Her favourite hobby is helping her mother tend a garden at their residence, even if she prefers reading her sisters' book collections in quiet peace. Most of her time is spent with her siblings during lessons, so whenever she can have some alone time it is spent at the flower yard. I can see we will get along just fine.
Then I heard a knocking followed by a familiar "Lady Amaia."
Putting the feather back into the ink glass, I tell Dina to enter. She seems very happy about something from the way she's smiling.
"My Lady, Madam Mariane finished her record of your possible suitors. I've come to bring it for you. Apologies if I interrupted your writing," Dina looks too happy for something I'm dreading to read.
"If it's this, then it is of the essence I read it as soon as possible. Thank you, Dina."
I take the papers from her hand with foreboding and she bows before leaving. Putting it downwards to the side, I continue the letter for Nari. While sealing it with the blue wax I have been given, my eyes could stare holes on that list from how long I kept staring at it.
"Alright, Alright. Let's just read it."
I flip it in my hands, reading the top name on it: Richard Gerbold.
"What the- The son of the Duke?!"
There's no way... The same Gerbold Dukedom that rules over us and is responsible for the security of both the capital city and the royals? Ahhh, I need to lay down for this.
After a quiet moment of laying face down on my bed, I turn over to keep reading. The others seem to be sons of Barons and Counts. This is what I was expecting at first, some families trying to use me to climb on the noble ranks because of my status as a Marques daughter. Richard Gerbold is the only anomaly here.
Of course, the Novareut and Gerbold have a long history together, both being trusted by his Majesty the King to train soldiers and knights. Nathan and the Duke are co-workers if I could say it that way, and they never had much of a problem with each other. Even if the Duke holds most of the power, politically and militarily speaking.
It wouldn't be strange if Priya were to be engaged to Richard Gerbold as the first daughter. Since she is out of the question now, am I the leftover they are still willing to take? Mariane and Madam Gerbold don't see each other eye to eye, the opposite of their husbands. How did Mariane convince that lady to consider me as her son's fiancé is making my brain evaporate?
Another point to be taken is that Richard is the heir. If I were to marry him, my responsibilities would increase exponentially. Forget about only living as a Lady, I'll become a Duchess! That would mean my life would revolve around politics and even the royal family.
In conclusion, it is the worst life for someone that doesn't want to be in the spotlight.
Whatever a Duchess wears, does or talks becomes the reference for the other ladies of lower status. What she eats is a reference to imagine what the Princess eats too. To become someone like that is almost a death sentence to me. I'm not capable of surviving such pressure, let alone live through it.
Ah, there is a side note from Mariane on the last paper.
"Lord Richard is the best candidate for you, Amaia. Madam Evelyn also regards you as the best potential wife for his Lordship. She will wait for your letter of introduction before sending a tea party invitation."
Mariane, I didn't ask for the best guy in the neighbourhood! And you also went and talked with his mom about me? Ah, is this how it feels to have an arranged marriage? I wasn't worried because I presumed I'd marry someone of lower status since that would lessen my burden of acting as a proper noble.
I want to refuse right away. I really want to just send a very rude letter to Madam Evelyn telling her how poor I am suited to be a Duchess. If only I could do that without damaging the relationship between Novareut and Gerbold...
I can't. Because if I do that, It could propagate so badly that my brother and Richard could turn sour with each other when they inherit the Master seat of each household. That, in turn, would affect the capital because of the knights under their jurisdiction.
Even if it doesn't come to that, it is always best to imagine the worst possible ending.
"I have a headache now. It seems this life has been too easy on me."
Well, since denying the sincerity from Mariane and refusing Madam Evelyn right away is not foreseeable... Then the best I can do is make myself not the greatest, but a good average candidate. This tea party, it will not be only me and the Duchess, that would be a show of favouritism from her. All the girls Evelyn Gerbold wants to assess personally will be there. I just need to play it cool and maybe help someone else shine at the event! Yes, I'll play a supporting role character.
"Sister? May I enter?"
Priya? Does she need something? I let her in, sitting up straight on my bed. As soon as she enters, I notice that her usual confidence isn't there. She's hunching a bit and not looking at me, but observing my room instead.
"Priya? Did you need something from me?"
"Ah, well, I just wanted to talk with you before dinner. I'm not disturbing you, am I?"
She probably just wants to talk about what is bothering her. If only listening can make her feel better, "I am all ears. If you want, you can sit here with me."
"Thank you."
Her knight training outfit is a bit dirty, but she still didn't hesitate to rest at the white bedsheets. It is a very Priya thing for me, how some things pass without her noticing them.
"I heard from Rishon that mom is already searching for your... For a possible fiancé. I just wanted to check if you were doing alright with... That."
Doing alright? Until Richard showed his name on the list, I think I was doing fairly well. But since I've made a plan already, there is no need to panic. For now. Like every plan, there is always the possibility of failure. I'll just pray for that specific God to put someone like Saint Elrise as a rival at the tea party.
"You don't need to worry. I knew someday I'd have to marry, so this isn't a shock for me."
If the King marries his daughters off to other kingdoms, I didn't expect his subjects to be any different. I read in a book two years ago that one of the oldest princesses is a concubine for the Emperor over the East Sea. It must be worse for her there when compared to me just becoming the wife of a Duke here.
"Amaia, I'm sorry," the girl says, blue eyes starting to water. "If I didn't wish to be a knight, you could have married someone you loved..."
"Hey, Priya, please don't cry. Hey, look at me. You don't need to apologise."
This poor girl. There is no need to feel bad for me. I'm someone who can't see a future nor capture a dream to keep. It is much better to make you achieve your goal than waste it on something like me having a say in my matrimony.
"I'm not confident I'll ever find someone to fall in love like in the stories we read. Even so, it makes me happy to keep cheering you on to become the best Novateru Knight, instead of witnessing you marry in sorrow."
Also, even if it's common in this era, my conscience would become too heavy to let sixteen years old girl Priya become engaged. That may have been normal in some places back on Earth, but it just doesn't sit well with me personally. I am twenty inside, at least I know what I'll be walking into at the church.
"Priya, your beautiful eyes will be swollen if you keep crying. I'm telling you the truth, I am okay. When you finally become a Knight, it will make me more than joyful because then everyone will see why I'm proud of you."
Spoken like a true mama bear. Mariane, under all the reproval she puts upfront, loves her very much. So she'll come around after Priya becomes an official Knight. And if I have the worst luck to end up Lord Richard's wife, she won't have to worry about the social circles avoiding her and her children.
It doesn't make me hate the thought of becoming a Duchess any less. But it sure brings more good fortune than bad for this family. Novateur may be the second surname I get, but still... I want to honour it, together with the others that share it with me.
"Thank you, Amaia- Ah! I ruined your bed!"
"Don't fret over it. You should worry instead about how to hide your red eyes, dinner time is in a few minutes."
Priya promptly excuses herself, running out to wash her face and hide the fact she cried. I wanted to tell her that it is alright to cry in front of me and if she ever wanted to, this bedroom would always welcome her. The lump in my throat stopped me, all my energy solely on holding it in until Dina came back to escort me out. I can cry after the meal, not now.