If she was asked what she wanted in this life, she would answer. "I want to
rewind time and correct the biggest mistake. Have you ever made a
mistake that affected your life one hundred percent? Always dreaming of
love, she thought that the bright day would come and she would be the
happiest, but she would have never thought that her love would make all
her relatives unhappy, including herself. She always wanted happiness for
everyone, but choosing this love, she not only made herself unhappy, but
also lost her close people and relatives. What is the word relative, a soul
mate-it's like looking at yourself in a mirror, and in reflection, not only
seeing your image, but also seeing your mother, father and all those who
give happiness only by their presence. "I still don't understand the cruelty
of this world, why is love so hard to earn and so easy to lose? Why does
war take so many lives so easily and even the most resolvable conflicts
are resolved through brutal measures?" She never understood this world,
but now she can more understand a dog that barks than a person who
speaks. This is the worst thing - to live and know that the world will never
blossom in your eyes. To know that pain in this world is like breathing,
people don't think about sighing and exhaling as long as they have
enough oxygen, but when they choke, they remember that there is air. Air
is the most important thing in this world, it is important to have air, love,
relatives, homeland and freedom. And what if you love and lose your soul
mates and homeland at the same time? In her life she learned that it was
possible to lose soul mate, homeland, freedom because of great love, and
vice versa, one can lose soul mate, freedom and love because of
homeland.
She was born in the Soviet Union. Due to this Union, they all thought that
they were always under protection that tomorrow was not a mystery.
They all lived in friendship, believing in their neighbors, even their
imaginary enemies seemed them friends. The unity and brotherhood of
peoples made them stronger and faith in tomorrow was like an
unbreakable cup in which we collected all our fears and burned. Yes, it was hard to find a lot of products, but they had money and they
considered themselves strong. This power turned out to be the weakest,
and what could not be destroyed was destroyed in an instant, and then
she realized that there was nothing permanent in this world. Stability
seemed to her like a pain. They lost money and unity. The fear of
tomorrow possessed them. She remembered well the days before the
USSR broke up.
Maral fell in love and got married, although her relatives were against it.
Then a difficult pregnancy and finally, the long-awaited twin boys were
born who gave her great happiness. She and her husband traveled from
Russia to Baku, she never got used to living there, she was out of breath,
but she didn't want to upset her beloved. They fought for their love for a
long time and she didn't want to upset him, he loved Azerbaijan, it was his
homeland, and she, as an obedient wife, stifled love for Armenia and
longed for seeing her relatives. She lived there for the sake of her children
and her beloved husband.
It was not easy for an Armenian woman to live in Azerbaijan at that time.
But hard times came. The collapse of the Soviet Union and the times when
each state tried to win independence, freedom for its state, it became
hard to live and understand that from a stranger you became an enemy.
Her neighbors tried to show her their friendship, but day after day she felt
less and less friendship, and realized more and more that soon everything
would be changed. She was scared for her family. At nights, laying her
sons to bed, she was afraid to leave the room, an inner mother's voice
told her to stay with them as long as possible, she could not take her eyes
off them. They say that maternal feeling is the deepest and the most
sensitive. From afar, she feels anxiety for her children. Like this, she
wanted to protect them from everything. Her children are symbols of love
that does not recognize religion, nations, or wars. She just really love her
family, like all normal people.
Once, when it was already clear that trouble was about to happen, her
husband told her.
"Maral, you know, I long tried to get you, now I understand why your
parents were so opposed, they didn't want you someday to lose your love,
or to be hurt for your sons. When you sleep next to me, I look at you and I
feel scared that the day will come and I will see an empty pillow. Every
moment brings us closer to separation. I cannot come to your homeland
and you cannot stay here. If only there was an opportunity to go to a
place, where love will only belong to yourself. But we do not have such an
opportunity. Our love is like a castle, the keys to the lock lie nearby, but
our hands do not reach them. I have always imagined the wedding of our
sons, I dreamed how we bless them in the church in Shushi. But just as
the church becomes foggy, so does the future of our sons. And your faded
eyes only confirm my thoughts. As I said before, that the collapse of the
union would become the collapse of the friendship of friendly nations, you
said that everything would be fine. Perhaps, fear spoke in you, you were
afraid for our people, for our family. This is normal. But I'll tell you more, it
is better to prepare for war, dreaming of peace, than to prepare for peace
and die in war. You must be strong, the Armenian blood runs in your
veins. You defeated the genocide, and all the lives that were left
unfinished, gave you their strength and unlived energy. Even if you are
alone you will be a worthy mother for your sons. And I will have to protect
you, but I do not want my protection to become a chain to you. In this
world, happiness exists only in freedom, without freedom, love is only a
garden with thorns.
And besides, I saw the eyes of your grandmother, who at your wedding
buried you, just because I am not Armenian. I saw you burning with
happiness and grief at the same time. This is the most terrible punishment
for a person, you do not deserve it. This flame will soon grow into a fire
and consume our family. I want to find a salvation solution, but, the
solution is further and further, and the danger is still close.
Since my decision completely depended on further circumstances, I could
not figure out what to do." The darkest morning has come for their family. They realized that there
was no point in waiting any longer, and decided to save their children.
First of all, thinking about her wife, Mahmud decided to protect her. It was
expected difficult conversation. First she asked her what was more
important for her, the future of their children, or today's happiness. She
said.
- For me, my children are important. I want the best for them, and I'm
ready for everything.
-Then I suggest you move to Armenia. While I can work here and find a
way out of this situation, maybe we can go to another city, maybe to
France, maybe to another city, the main thing is that our love can be free
from nasty looks and wars.
-I don't want to be far from you, but I also understand that this is the only
way out for us.
In a week, when I have enough money, I will send you. Only I beg you very
much, wait for me, whatever happens, do not lose faith in our love. Don't
lose faith in our family and happy future.
-I promise you that our love will be always in my memory and in my soul.
I promise you that my eyes will look only into the eyes of our children, and
my arms will only embrace them until we are together again.
-Dear, you understand that all this and also this decision is very difficult
for me. There is nothing more important for me than you, I do not imagine
how I will live without you, only from this thought I want to die.
It was their last talk. The hard week passed and the day has come. It was
no longer possible stay in Baku, all the Armenians they knew fled. She was
the only one left, for the whole week Armen, her little sacred creature
whom she named after Armenia, was sick. He had a high temperature,
she couldn't leave with him, it was not safe, and staying in Azerbaijan was
not also safe. Her husband, Muhmud asked her "Maral, maybe you will
leave with the younger Araz and I will stay with Armen to take care of him and when he recovers I will send him with our Russian friends, anyway in
a week they will leave Baku for Armenia."