Beijing, China.
10th August,
(8:00 pm)
Looking over my little dorm room where I live alone, one last time, and thought about my ultimate choice once again. Maybe everyone will think I'm a coward but I don't mind. I want this because I think this is my only way of escape. Once I had a beautiful and perfect life but long ago all had been destroyed and everything is now just a memory.....
I took the pills in my hand and thought that if I take this many sleeping pills I'll never have to wake up again. That was a peaceful thought.
I took them with a glass of water and waited for it to happen, a few moments later I started to feel dizzy. I laid down on my bed, now I'm feeling pain, suffocating, and increasing. After infinite moments I'm feeling numb and slowly drowning in darkness. So, this is how it feels to die I thought. I pray it ends quickly, the suffering... Finally, I feel like losing consciousness and falling asleep.
Maybe eternal sleep...
I don't know from when I started to feel this way but I'm hearing some sounds, distant, like when we slowly woke up from deep sleep. I don't feel any pain and I opened my eyes and there's the light of daytime and very unfamiliar surroundings.
I sat up and thought that maybe I died and in my afterlife. I touched my wrist but my pulse was normal and my body is not cold like a dead body either. Then I was surprised looking at the room. It was so weird, like the rooms we see in historical movies! A girl suddenly came (wearing traditional clothes) and seeing me up she bowed at me and said, "Greetings, my lady!" I was thunderstruck! What is happening? I'm not only alive after those pills but also having some fantasy dreams! I stop thinking further and I pinch my arm hard. It didn't wake me up but gave me a temporary bruise! I said, "Ow" And that girl hastily came near me looking concerned and asked, "Are you alright, my lady?" I absently nodded.
Then I'm not dreaming nor I'm dead but I asked her, "Am I dead?" She looked horrified, "Of course not, my lady. Please don't say such things!" She looked upset because I said that. Maybe she doesn't hate me, wow that's a first! Then maybe I'm being pranked, dressed in medieval clothes and environment.
I got up from the bed and looked out the window, oh my! This might not be a prank after all, and everything looks just like ancient times. Now I'm feeling nervous, did I time-traveled here?! I don't know what am I going to do but I need to know my situation. I asked the girl, "Hey, I don't remember anything. Can you tell me everything about me and your name and what year it is?" The girl looked at me shocked, "You don't remember anything, not even your name?" I nodded trying to look sad. She said, "I'll tell you all. You are Tan Lin Yi, the only daughter of minister Tan. I'm Xin Yuan, your personal maid. This is 1820. And you are 20 years old and engaged. You had a fever for 3 days and were very weak but thanks to our physician you are alright now but I think you lost your memory."
Wow, I came 2 whole centuries backward! Good for me. Wait, what? I'm only 20 but engaged! I asked her, "I'm engaged? With whom?"
She smiled, "Don't worry, he is very handsome, he is the crown prince, Yu Shen Yang." The way she said it seemed like she has a thing for him too. I asked, "Did we love each other?" She was surprised, "Not yet. No, this marriage was set by the two families. You two haven't met yet."
What?! And I'm engaged to a total stranger! I don't care if he is a prince. I'll have to cancel this engagement. I close my eyes, trying to think of a way but I'm coming out empty. I opened my eyes and my eyes caught some papers and ink on the table and I know what to do! I can write letters all too well. I hurry towards the table and grab a paper and brush and start to write. Let me tell you it's no joke, writing with an ink brush. It took me forever to write a polite letter refusing to marry my so-called fiancé. All the while Xin Yuan looked at me worryingly. When I finished, I folded the letter and an envelope and gave it to her and asked her to send it to the crown prince. She nodded and left.
Then I walked to the window, took a deep breath. Just beside the window, there is a large Cherry Blossom tree in full bloom. Flower petals are drifting in the warm breeze, looking like snowfalls. It must be the middle of spring. So peaceful! A warm breeze rustled my hair and a piece of music came with the wind, low and distant but enough to hear. I don't know what music it is and where it is coming from but I felt the urge to go out.
I look back, Xin Yuan is back already back again. I said, "Can I go out?" She said, "Yes, you can but first you need to dress up." I looked at my dress, I didn't find anything wrong with it but I don't argue and let her do what she wants. I took a bath and wore a dress with her help and she does my hair and when I looked in the mirror I was shocked, I looked like a historical character, a lady from a prestigious family from medieval times! Well, I quickly looked away before I could lose my nerves!
Xin Yuan accompanied me and we went out. Breathing in the fresh air outside I'm feeling so alive and it doesn't feel so bad being alive. We strolled in the market and I saw so many new things that left me in awe. As we were walking, we came across a musician who was playing some sort of instrument before a restaurant and the music felt so beautiful and familiar in my heart though I've never even seen that instrument before! I walked to the musician and asked if he would let me play. He happily gave it to me. And I started to play. Somehow my fingers were confident in it and I played a piece of music that came from my heart!
People started gathering to listen to my music but I was only aware of the music as I played. When I finished everyone applauded. I quickly got out of the crowd tailed by Xin Yuan. She was beaming, "You were so awesome, my lady!" I smiled, "You think so?" She nodded.
Then a girl came running out of the restaurant and behind her was a drunk man. He grabbed the girl's hand. She tried to break free but couldn't. No one came to save her though the man was openly harassing her. I was outraged and walked towards them, ignoring Xin Yuan's protests. I grabbed the man's wrist and twisted it until he let the girl go. I looked at her and said, "Go, now." She thanked me and ran away. The man snarled like a bull and tried to break free from my grasp. I simply twisted his wrist hard with one hand and stepped on his foot. He cried out in pain. He screamed when I broke his wrist and fall to the ground. I walked away.
Xin Yuan was horrified. She said, "What if you got hurt?" I told her not to worry. It is almost evening. We ate some snacks from the street vendors for our lunch. The sun is setting on the western horizon. The sky is in a beautiful color.
I told Xin Yuan to go home as we are close to home and not to worry. She said she will stay with me. I said I'll go home in a bit and she should be there in case someone asks for me, she can inform them I'll be at home in a bit. Then she reluctantly went home.
I was walking beside the canal and admiring nature. All the shop across the street has lit colorful lanterns, giving the evening a beautiful glow.
Suddenly a few men came towards me, they looked angry. Among them was that man whose hand I broke today, now with a bandaged hand. Oh, they came for revenge! I can't possibly handle these many men alone! I looked around but no one seemed brave enough to help me. One of the guys said, "You are the girl who broke my brother's hand, right?" I didn't reply so he came and grabbed my wrist and said," Should I break yours or you want to dance for us?" I said, "How about I break yours too and you dance for me?" They were shocked to hear it. I was scared but I tried not to show. They became angrier and started to drag me with them.
Suddenly a handsome guy came out of nowhere and grabbed my waist and took me out of their grasp. They were startled but recovered fast and came towards my savior altogether. They couldn't even touch him instead they got beaten up and ran away.
I thanked my savior. He said, "You are too brave for a lady. I saw you save that girl today and I knew they would come for revenge. Thank God I was here. And your reply to that guy was surely something to hear!" He laughed and I smiled. He asked, "What is your name?"
I took a second to remember and then said, "Tan Lin Yi. And yours?" His eyes widen in surprise and said, "You are that girl who wrote to me today, refusing to marry me?" I was surprised as well. So this handsome fella was the crown prince, Yu Shen Yang! He raised his eyebrow and said, "So, we finally meet. Can you tell me why you don't want to marry me? Am I not good-looking enough or you know someone better looking than me? I just find it strange, no woman will ever refuse me!" Oh, he is aware of his good looks and also very arrogant, huh!
I said, "No, that's not the reason. And I remember I humbly apologized in my letter." He smirked, "You can refuse to accept the engagement so, I can refuse to accept your apology as well, can't I?" I groaned, "Yeah, sure. Why not?"
He said, "Tell me why you won't marry me?" I said, "Because you are a stranger and I don't love you." He said, "Yet!" And I just laughed.
We walked and chatted for an hour before parting. Before parting, he said, "Do you still want to cancel our marriage?" I smiled and asked, "Why? Do you want to marry me?" He grinned and said, "Yes, I want this very brave and beautiful woman to be mine because her music has put shackles in my heart forever." I blushed and asked, "Were you always such a playboy?" He said, "Never. Because my heart never sang for a girl before. Please tell me your answer!"
I said, "Goodnight, I'll think about it." And ran away smiling like an idiot...
When I got home I was exhausted and went to bed early. But before I did, I wrote a letter and send it to him by Xin Yuan.
In the morning when I woke up, I had a return letter waiting for me! In that letter, he thanked me for my answer and also requested me to visit him at the palace today if possible.
I grabbed the letter close to my heart feeling hopeful for the first time in my life. Excited to know what life has to give me this time! And I'm happy to be alive.
................THE END..............