There on the ground, I saw her getting up. Letta looked at me, eye contact was made. Her eyes welled up with tears but they weren't from the bruise forming on her left arm. She was crying for me, us, this whole complicated mess? She whispered something to me as I drifted out of consciousness.
I woke up a few seconds later. Everyone was staring at me... I Fainted like a damsel in distress reaching for her hero. Fucking. Brilliant.
"Clio, Honey do you need to sit down? This really is not doing anything for morale around here, and we certainly wouldn't want to lose our Pepper!" Ms. Catlin tried to make light of my fall. Everyone knows me and it doesn't surprise any of them that heels and me don't mix. At least I didn't collapse over nothing again.
"Damn girl, I didn't recognize you! I thought you were one of those rockabilly hicks from the chorus. No offence girls but you're the roles when you're in costume ya know how it goes."
I can't believe how sweet her voice is talking letting me know that we are solid, at least for now. I feel the thumping in my heart slow down being replaced with nothing but the shattering headache I have.
"How in the hell did you manage that? What were you thinking!? Just wanted to hug me and the curb at the same time?" Letta is just fantastic but she put a bullseye on her forehead every time she spoke.
"I totally did, I am cheating on you with something hard and black. Asphalt here has replaced you as my best friend." The words fell out of my mouth so fast I didn't think about them. I could see Letta relax, from what I have no clue. Then again I did just nearly kill us both. I feel my body relaxing, a smile being cut from the frown I have when she is absent. Just like that there I was all done up looking like the woman I didn't quite feel like, with my best friend laughing at me. No, not at me with me. I am laughing hysterically. The tears from before still linger but no one would guess I was about to cry BEFORE I fell. And she didn't recognize me? I know I look different, no braces, makeup on and those heels did make me a good 6 inches taller. Maybe that is why she moved away? Could she be playing it off? Oh who cares she is obviously okay enough to let me crack jokes and that is a major improvement I won't be complaining about.
"Sure Clio that's exactly what you were doing. Just enjoying being on the ground ever so much. I came along for the ride because I just had to do a gravity test. You know how it goes down? Well I was thinking just maybe it would go up this time and save our faces. But I guess you'd want to keep those laws of physics in check, for that affair of yours to keep happening."
Great, I'm rambling now. I know she won't mind but what if I said something to make her think I am trying to cross the lines she gave to me? I hate being out. I hate what this has done to my life. I'm so glad I still have her but here I am rambling.
"Girls I hate to be the bearer of bad news but this heel is not going to fix itself. Glad your doing alright here is the key go into the room and try to find something smaller for you to wear. Okay people we know the schedule get yourselves where you need to be! Clio and Letta will let you in."
I grab my other shoe and dust off reaching out for Letta. And I wrapped my arm around her taking off my other heel. Next thing I knew we were off alone in the changing room sitting cross legged on the floor going on about how amazing the show will be regardless of the shoes I wear. I want so badly to talk to her about us as a relationship and friendship. Ever since I came out and my parents "put me up" in my own apartment things have been fuzy. I mean the timing was pretty horrendous. I'm barely 17.
"So the kiss in the jail bird song, I know it's through the glass but I am surprised the teachers agreed to have us dancing dirty and kissing on stage."
"Letta, I think that's a good point and now I have a question for you... I want to know." I saw her face shift slightly I hope she is okay with this. Reaching up I caressed her cheek and pulled our faces together for a kiss. She went limp, looking at me, neither of us closed our eyes. She reached up and touched my cheek as we kissed, it was innocent. There was nothing in the world that could ruin this moment. I leaned back and finished my sentence.
"Do you think the school board would have approved us kissing? Oh and are we exclusive? In all the shit storm of the past year I never really stopped to ask."
I said it. She knows... knows how... how I feel and what I want. No more holding back how I feel, no more guessing if she feels the same. Fuck labels, screw her being straight and this being "practice" were too old for that now. I love this person, so what if it's a chick. I have loved her since I was old enough to know what love is. Now I know that not only do I love her, I am in love with her. Not to mention she's absolutely sexy. Ever since the drama with my parents, holding her, talking to her, thinking of her is the only thing that has grounded me. She is my everything. Letta is my world. I came out to her around 6 months ago and she told me that was fine we would be friends forever. No idea that I was in love with her...
"Clio, I ... I know you and I have been friends forever and you trust me with everything. We have been so close lately, and I knew it was different than before. But, I guess I didn't stop to notice how different"
She sighed. Pausing just long enough for my brain to go into overdrive. What am I hearing. NO, NO, NO fucking way is she saying no? I am gasping, mouth gaping open, and shit she noticed.
"Clio stop! Oh god Babe I am trying to say I love you. I had planned on giving you this at the end of the show to congratulate you."
What she loves me, Damn. Somehow I wasn't expecting that. Something cold is in my hand. Small its a box, a ring box. Our initials entwined in an eternity symbol.
"Letta, this, it is the most beautiful thing anyone has ever--"
And we kissed again. Suddenly a loud screech blares in my ears, Schools starting. Time for us to do our show. And we did the whole thing song and dance over and over again for hours. The entire day we worked our asses off and I wore the ring letta gave to me. Cry baby went off without a hiccup and each grade loved it.
The bus, the trees, the sidewalk, the blur of the stairs to my apartment. I feel the burning in my thighs. It has been such a long awkward and amazing day. My thoughts drift in and out of focus. I see Leta and hear her voice again. "I love you." This beautiful girl that said she had never been kissed. This person that just wanted to see what it was like, has chosen me back. I never for an instant thought she would. After all, I can never give her the family she wants. I can never give her loving in-laws. We will never be normal in this town. But she still choose me. Its taken years of my life to accept myself. Years of hatred, contempt, and lies. Yet here I am openly wearing the ring she gave me.
Keys. Where are my keys. I dump my bag onto the matt. One item at a time I place them back.
Lipstick. Blush. Mascara.
"Breathe"
Pencil. Notebook. Broken heels.
"Breathe"
They aren't here. I must have lost them.
"BREATHE"
The neighbors dog starts barking. They must all be looking out their windows wondering whats wrong with me. I only have one choice now.
Call her. What if she hates me for being so forgetful. What if she falls out of love because I'm so disorganized.
"Breath"
A whisper crosses my lips as I hover over her name.
"Call"
I know she will bring me my spare. She has it specifically for things like this.
"CALL"
I hit dial, it begins to ring. I feel my chest tighten. My head is light. I pant, still frantic, still spiraling.
"You have reached Letta's voice-mail. Do the thing."