Not only did Glaive and the ogre follow me but even a groggy and grumpy Poniard wielding their death staff trailed along behind in a pair of gym shorts and oversized shirt. When we got to the scene of the incident we found the workers had loaded three large C grade feline predators into the bulldozer basket of one tractor.
The felines were about a foot bigger in every direction than the alpha wolf than changed my life and like the wolf the felines all had multiple sets of large and extended canines couple with unhinged jaws that could open almost one hundred and either degrees. They were a terrifying ambush predator in upper grade portals but in this caldera they were spotlighted and gunned down.
Perched on top of several large boulders slumped together off to the side of the cleared road and wearing nothing but my ogre skin and ivory poncho, I point toward the bodies of the felines and ask, "I know you guys are a new shift, but did the last guys tell you about hunting here?"
Looking more than a little irritated in the light of one tractor, one of the security crew turns to me and asks, "The usual rights, we shot 'em so we sell 'em. We work differently than you portal jockeys."
Even though Poniard probably had no idea that portal jockey was a- possibly?- derogatory term for Protectors like me she still hissed softly just from the tone of his voice and the way he was looking at me. Whenever goblins in early training looked at me like that they got slapped by her. Now though, I could only holster my revolver and rub her head.
"This portal is under consideration for permitted permanent stabilization, things are different here," I reply calmly but loudly and firmly. "To preserve the future work force that will be helping us mine this location, I need to claim some parts from those animals to help clear up the impurities in their natural mana. Probably makes no sense or difference to you guys, but I'm going to need the hearts, paws, and whole heads from those cats."
"I bet the paws and heads mean you want the ivory and keratin from its teeth and claws, too?" The man demands, bringing up some of the lesser but sill important parts of these animals while getting into a more comfortable standing position. With a more comfortable grip on his large automatic rifle, as if he were trying to intimidate me.
Knowing this guy would die even if it was after me despite the presence of Si-Pon perched on a tractor, I decided to try and end things in a more peaceful manner. "Tell you what, I'm getting those parts whether you like it or not. But, if you make it less troublesome for me and even donate the spine meats to the goblins instead of selling it for carbon and iron content, I'll cook for all of you a very… gourmet meal. I'm a good cook, mind you."
"You think food is going to make up for the lack of money in my wallet?" The same man as before asks incredulously while the others were looking more like I had their attention. "What good is this oversized house cat to me on a dinner plate? Will I get the magic power to turn into a giant cat? No? Fuck off, I want the fangs and claws from at least one of these cats."
Sighing in an exaggerated manner as I look up toward the mostly white starry night sky, I can't help but wonder why the man had to be this way. If he had not told me to fuck off, he might just have gotten the fangs back from all of the cats after they were stewed. Now, though?
"Si-Pon, be a dear and bring him here," I say without even looking at the man. After a short and low melodious coo responded from above and behind the man in question, the man in question was suddenly stripped of his weapons, helmet, and spotlight before flying forward through the air. "Poniard, punish."
Bolting upright in front of the man hovering in the air a few feet away from me, Poniard gladly draws her hand in across her body and bodily turns into a backhand slap that knocks the C grade cleaner free of Si-Pon's telekinesis and to the ground below. It was beautiful to behold and seemed to silence the entire caldera with its resounding fleshy echo.
"Thanks to this guy, everybody here gets a free meal without a choice," I say while looking at the other cleaners and tractor drivers with a cold but wide smile. "You're all upper C grade or you wouldn't be cleared for night shifts inside portals, those cats look like they're mid C. Some natural herbs and spices with some wild vegetables in a nice mana water stew will do all of you some good for raising your MP quickly in a few days. My specialty. Who here wants to reach B?"
After that, I sent Glaive and the ogre to collect the bodies and bring them back to camp where I personally cleaned, dressed, and butchers them. After nakedly chopping the paws and hearts, I put to naturally loaded skulls and pieces into today's stew cauldron before stoking the coals underneath. Then, I started the long process of chopping up six five-foot slabs of thick and touch lean feline meat.
Even with my strength and an ivory sword it took some wedging up and down after every chop to completely separate the slabs of meat into one-inch fillets. Saving only two fillets for everybody BUT the guy I had Poniard punish, I cut six two-inch steaks of meat for my familiars and the ogre before cutting stacks of fillets into one-by-one-inch cubes as best as I can manage. Luckily, the meat was pretty tough and solid so it retained shape well.
Once I dumped over a hundred pounds of meat cubes into the half-empty cauldron over an hour after I started butchering, I stoked my own camp fire and laid a slab of granite over the flames between two small boulders. Filling my own larger copper cooking pot with mana water, I set the pot on the center of the granite slab to start heating up
While the pot of mana water measured the temperature of the slab, I send Si-Pon to fetch a clean and lean red meat animal before crumbling a variety of roasted herbs and spices from today into a bowl. Into the bowl I also added a small bottle of '100% Real Lemon Juice' to the bowl to soak and soften the herbs before chopping up some wild tubers, mashed berries, and sweet vegetation Si-Pon had assured me was human-safe earlier in the day.
Stirring all of this up while waiting on the slab to heat up, I soon find a large portal squirrel dropped on the ground beside me with its head ripped off and fluids dripping. "It only died just now," Si-Pon assures me of its freshness while perching behind me atop my shelter.
Nodding my gratitude, I empty the vegetables and half of the wet spices into the pot that was showing its first tiny bubbles before draining the juices of the bowl. Picking up the dead six-legged rabbit squirrel, I simply hold it upside down by its tail over the bowl of sweetened and sour herb blend so that it drains thick blood into the bowl. Since I did not have tomato sauce, I had to settle for blood thickened by sugars but mellowed by citric acid to make a barbecue sauce.
Briefly and carelessly ripping most of the hide from the animal, I toss the remaining body into the feline stew cauldron before using the end of my sword to scrape what little fat was stuck to the lean animal's skin. Letting this bloody lard goop up with faint and short sizzling sounds on either side of the pot, I use my sword to smear the slowly rendering lard on the granite slab before adding more wood to my fire.
Finishing the pot by adding the whole fillets of meat for the night crew, I put the lid on before once again mixing the bowl of blood sauce that had been sitting and coagulating. When the lard had finally broken down into a mostly clear oil running on the slab, I started dipping and smothering the steaks for my familiars in the bowl of sauce.
Only when the lard oil was thinned enough that it was running over the edges of the slab and sizzling in the fire did I start slapping steaks on the fatty granite with loud hisses of thinning blood and hot oil bubbling together. The smell of burning sugars, citrus, and salty blood with a blend of mellow and sweet herbs and spices filled the air around my camp as steam and then smoke started rising up from the slab.
Even my mouth was watering as my familiars and even the ogre crowded around the fire to watch the magic happen. All of these creatures ate meat and ate it raw, so eating some light steaks that had been cooked by anybody would be a new experience for the ogre. Eating steaks cooked by me in Earth fashion with portal ingredients would change its life.
Minutes later when it was time to flip the frying steaks after drizzling more sauce on them, I soon hear a pair of footsteps walking up a minute before the unarmed tractor drivers showed up in my camp. Holding his hands up to show they were empty, the tractor driver says, "We usually have to go on breaks after something dies since it attracts other predators, is it cool if we chill here?"
"Go ahead, I don't care," I say with some appreciation for his explanation and then polite request. "These steaks are for my familiars, all of your food is in the pot. There's two fillets per person except the dumb guy and plenty of broth and veggies to go around. If you guys take pity on him and share some I won't care as long as I don't see or hear about it."
"That guy wasn't even the crew leader," the other tractor driver assures me quickly. "Nobody else cares since we still get most of the money and a free MP raise This stuff, though… is it really safe to eat?"
Lying through my teeth, I say, "I have spent the last few months studying the common edible plants of different portal environments as well as other alchemical plants. I can assure you, the food is safe for us to eat. However, I'll be sharing my familiar's food. The sauce is blood, so you guys won't want any of this."
"But it smells so good… and strong, too!" The first tractor driver says almost regretfully. "What did you put in the stew?"
"I mixed everything but the meat in this mixing bowl for the sauce, then put all the edibles, half the seasonings, and all the juices in the pot," I reply calmly, only too happy to boast about how I made the food. "The flavor will probably be strong for some of you, but my sense of taste is dull from MP because my sight, smell, and hearing are increased at the expense. The only differences between the meats, though, is the blood sauce and way they're cooked."
The three of us hung out like that for a little while as I continued frying steaks for my familiars, constantly adding more and more sauce to both sides with every flip to minimize the charring. Most of what we talked about was our preferred meats and methods as well as swapping stories about good and bad portal foods we had tried. Everybody had been tricked into eating the wrong plant at least once and done it to others more so there was plenty to laugh about.
Since these two fellows seemed like the adventurous types, when the steaks were done and I cut off an end from each of them for myself I gave each of them a two-by-four-inch stick of steak to try. While my familiars greedily scarfed their food down as if fearing more would be removed, the drivers carefully chewed off the ends of their saucy steak sticks
I ate mine without caring at all about the flavor just because it was sweet and lemony in the sauce, but after their first bites the drivers quickly finished their samples and licked their fingers clean afterward. Then they looked almost remorsefully to the familiars who were chewing through their second steaks. Even the ogre was watching Poniard and Glaive while licking its lips because it had eaten its first steak in one bite.
The satisfaction from eating the entire steak in one bite must have been rewarding in its own right, though.
"Would it be too much to ask if we got some of that in our thermos caps for dipping sauce?" The first driver who had been the most buddy-buddy with me asks, looking at the bowl that still contained enough sauce for several more steaks.
"The fuck, no, that's straight blood in there," I say while giving both men ridiculous looks. "I could get sued just for cooking this and you want me to give you raw animal blood? Get the fuck back to work, the food will be done before the end of your shift."
Despite what I said, once they were gone I poured the sauce into two cups for Poniard and Glaive to enjoy as they pleased and even sipped some blood sauce for myself. It was cool, thick, and salty with a rich irony smell, but it was not bad. Then I gave the bowl to the ogre for him to lick clean.
*