The meat was finished a little more than an hour later after four flips and ten minutes on its final side. Some of the other complained about not having any sides but I simply told them they had been snacking for almost two hours. If they wanted sides they could open another bag of chips or something.
The meat itself filled the air in front of me with its heat and alcohol-spiced smoky scent when I finally sat down with a plate of it in front of me. The outsides were all dark and thick from partially burned honey and onions forming a smoky crust around the meat on my plate. However, the meat within that pale golden layer as all a thorough but slightly pale brown in the middle.
In this paler area was where all the pinkish meat and fat juices were bleeding out from from either cut end of the meat after being trapped within the thick glaze that became a denser crust. When I first stuck my fork into a corner of the meat it slid right in as if I was stabbing bread. The meat was so tender that I could smoothly cut through it with even an ordinary steak knife in only a few passes.
Stabbing just the corner of my smoked wolf meat with the fork had caused the juices to flow out half a time fast from the opposite end. When I first pressed the knife to the meat it got even word. After that first small cut my foam plate soon became a puddle of sweet tasting grease.
Just bringing that small test cut of meat to my face was like a religious experience of letting the air and vapors and smells waft straight into my face, still with enough alcohol content to bring a slight prickle to my eyes. When the meat finally entered my mouth I soon had to swallow just so I could start chewing and then continue to do so every time I applies pressure to the meat.
Every clamp and grind was a slowly savoring motion, letting my first attempt at human-safe MP cuisine flow again over my tongue until the meat was a fine mush that offered nothing else. Even that I wanted to hold onto and appreciate for a moment longer, considering just the flavor of the meat itself after everything else had been stripped away. It was divine.
All of my friends and familiars were eating with much less regard, throwing manners and humanity itself out the window as Frank and Fred tore into their meat straight from their hands. Even Lucinda who usually watched her diet and ate slowly in small portions was eating like a starved animal, stuffing one freshly cut piece of meat after another into her mouth.
Nobody had anything to say or do besides work their jaws around the food I cooked, giving me a most pleasant atmosphere in which to enjoy my food. The metallic scrap of forks and knives together, the splish and splatter of meat juices constantly dripping down into an already flooded plate, the sounds of heavy breathing between bites as they forgot to breathe. It almost made me want to light a cigarette I did not even smoke and open a beer I did not drink while lying in bed.
Glaive and Poniard were the cleanest eaters but only because they finished the fastest. However, Poniard was sober enough by now to remember to clean her own face and then Glaive's when they were finished eating. Glaive, sadly could not simply pick up and dump her plate down her snout and was forced to lick it clean of meat juices.
Considering the meat juices were literally rendered fat and other fluids, I was the only person who did not drink their plate. Instead, I let Poniard and Glaive split it. Which almost ended up being them licking the same plate.
Even though the main event was done the others were still content to hang out and continue drinking in a few cases. So, to keep myself busy and keep the party going I pulled out some lower grade portal squirrels I was saving for 'graduation' to go ahead and cook now. The familiar food would probably help the critters ease into going… somewhere new.
Luckily for me the portal squirrel meat was not as dense as the wolf meat and I did not care so much so the five portioned bodies were all openly roasted and glazed repeatedly in half an hour. Lucky because that was when everybody was finally getting bored and ready to leave.
After walking everybody else out to their vehicles with their designated drivers, Lucinda and I took the freshly roasted feast into the dorm to let the kobolds, goblins, and hobs help themselves before allowing Poniard and Glaive to dig in as well. I expected the slimes would eat pretty well in the morning. Finally, I made Lucinda ride home with me.
Because Poniard had evolved into a more humanoid subhuman that was female, I had pretty much stopped sleeping in my own room. After putting my familiars to bed in my own bed I would just go downstairs and sleep in the living room. Only because Lucinda had proven she was willing to take pictures of me in my sleep.
Poniard used to sleep in cute pajamas and gowns that Lucinda thought were funny to put on a goblin. Now, though, my little boy had grown into a budding young lady who ripped who Earth-made clothes apart in her sleep and often woke up in only their underwear. It was becoming an issue on Lucinda's patience so I was forced to use my stocks with Johnathan to order clothes from.
They would be lower grade and lower quality fiber materials, usually from plants and even my own hair but they would still be strong enough to resist her tossing and turning and claws. I had yet to have any problems with Glaive since I got her a proto-suit and Lucinda kept her trimmed every other week. She originally got two suits and still had one untouched.
Despite all of my efforts and warnings and scoldings, though, I woke up that morning sprawled out on the floor with both Poniard and Glaive sprawled out across my body. Glaive had managed to successfully free themselves from their suit lying at the top of the stairs but at least Poniard was somewhat dressed in a sports bra and gym shorts. Sadly, I was lying on my back and also wearing only gym shorts so I was completely unguarded.
The only redeeming factor about my current situation was that Poniard was lying on her back stretched out across my torso while Glaive was lying similarly across my lower body. Honestly, looking at a trimmed and naked Glaive helped make my morning issue go away for the most part. However, I had to be quick about picking up Poniard by the head and neck in one hand and then her lower back and butt in the other to move her.
Getting up to do my morning yawn and stretch revealed another silver lining, the not-so-secretly evil Lucinda was not up and about yet this morning. After a quick trip to the bathroom to relieve myself and take a quick shower, I go to my room to get dressed for the day only to find Lucinda passed out on my bed.
Did she kick my familiars out so she could use my bed? WHY would she do something like that? No, she might have drove them out by being drunk and annoying in the middle of the night coming to play with my familiars.
For a moment I just stood there watching her sleep and eyeing the blouse she slept in that only had three struggling buttons left in their holes above, below, and on her ample bosom. Everyone talking about what Poniard's felt like but I honestly had no idea what any felt like. If I told them that, though, there was a big chance I would be laughed at and a small chance Lucinda would actually offer.
Ignoring her since she was snoring peacefully and probably would let me if I grew a pair, I just went to collect some clothes and leave without disturbing her before getting dressed out in the hall. Since their bed had been gone for close to twenty minutes my familiars were waking up when I returned. So, I turned on the TV and started breakfast.
For breakfast I decided to make something light and simply whipped some eggs in a bowl with some diced spinach, chives, and some leftover chicken breast that was both diced and pulled apart. Then I loaded a muffin tray with egg mix and put it in the oven. Eleven minutes later I had homemade egg-cups or fritatas cooked and ready.
Returning upstairs to my room I open the door while loudly saying, "Time to wake up, sleeping b-"
My words were cut off when I realized what was right in front of me after opening the door. Lucinda was standing there in front of the doorway with her blouse completely open while cupping her bra and breasts. She had probably been examining herself in the mirror behind her door.
After a full second of surprise spent staring blankly down at her hands, I quickly shook my head and started blinking to clear my head before wordlessly shutting the door. "So, you were awake?" I ask awkwardly, wanting to kick myself.
Several awkwardly silent seconds later there was a sheepish squeak that sounded like, "Yeah."
"You're probably wondering where I didn't do anything but see you were there, aren't you?" I ask a moment later, knowing she was around the age of a female midlife crisis. My not making a move on a sleeping beauty probably made her question herself. She was my mother figure for crying out loud!
This time her response was less of a squeak and more of a sadly mellowed, "Yeah."
Nodding my head in the ensuing silence, I slap myself in the forehead before forcing myself to say, "It's not that you're not attractive, it's just that… well, if I asked you to you would probably be my first kiss. Copping a feel while someone is unconscious is just pretty sad on it's own, even more so considering… well, it's YOU, and then the other thing."
"Ah… so… you think I'm pretty?' Lucinda suddenly asks with a laugh hidden in her voice.
Knowing I was going to regret saying anything besides the fact that breakfast was ready, I now say, "Yes, Lucinda, you're very attractive. No, there's nothing wrong with your breasts and you know that because they're almost twice the size of Poniard's and she's a C."
"Would you actually touch them?" She asks suddenly, sounding like she was much closer to the door.
"Breakfast is ready," I say flatly and emotionlessly, turning and walking away without looking back even when Lucinda sticks her head out of my room to yell at me.
Breakfast was as quiet and awkward as one would expect it to me despite the fact that all of the humans present were fully dressed. However, after starting on her second serving, Lucinda just could not help herself. She quite bluntly and even a little loudly asks, "Have you tried Poniard's boobs, yet?"
"Nope, why would you even ask me that, I reply after only half a second of surprise.
"I just can't help but wonder why a healthy young man would not only simply check me out like that but also why… you checked me out," she says in her own confused way. "I mean, I've fallen asleep on the couch in less clothes and you've never done anything but put a blanket on me or ball one up and throw it at my head. What, uh… what finally got your attention after basically… years?"
"Everyone keeps making things weird about Poniard and even you gave in and felt her when we got home last night," I say with a defeated sigh, suddenly no longer hungry. "I've never felt any boob, why would my first boob be goblin boob? that's traumatizing. Has anyone ever told you about my forbidden nickname? Next time it's just you and someone from the team, ask them what 'goblin whisperer' means. I've been through some traumatic shit already. Now, everybody put a problem in my head."
Staring at me like I was an idiot, Lucinda asks, "How can everybody else suddenly give you a penis? It doesn't make sense. I know you have one, I helped bathe you THAT night and a few more times since then. YOU have fallen asleep on the couch enough times that I know it works, too."
"I don't want to eat anymore," I say as I push my chair back and get up from the table.
"No use running, I have to ride to work with you so I can pick up my car," Lucinda reminds me a little smugly. "Calm down, Malcolm, we're having a serious discussion about your health and life right now. Sure, it seems to be about the things your nightmares are made of but sex is nothing to be ashamed of."
Shaking my head without even turning around, I say, "No, you're right, sex is fine. I'm told it's great, even, but my life is too busy for that right now. Uh… is there anything else?"
Taking her turn to admit defeat with a sigh, Lucinda says, "I know that this is going to be weird and awkward but, you know… I'm not your mom. There's no way I could do anything serious with you but if you ever wanted… that first kiss, you can come to me if I'm someone you feel more comfortable with."
"Ah, thank you… I'll remember to hold you to that on my birthdays," I say in an attempt at humor before hurriedly leaving the kitchen and going to my room to do literally nothing until I felt like breakfast was done downstairs.
The ride to the property started out fine with my driver and Lucinda introducing themselves and making some small talk but then everything went quiet. Not only that but instead of leaving with her car Lucinda decided to stick around and keep me company. This was really only an issue for me.
The critters were all somewhat familiar with having people around but they were usually confined to the patio at those times. With Lucinda hovering not far from me, they were slightly distracted at first. At least we were currently at the point in all of their training where they were endurance running and explosive strength training on their own for the most part.
The hobs were more interested in Lucinda than they were in anybody else who had been to the property. They stuck close to us with yard tools or practice weapons in hand for most of the day until I sent them to look for leaves to rake. Once the critters started their weighted weapons and unarmed training, though, I could go take a break in the greenhouse.
Lucinda of course followed me into the greenhouse and there was a brief flash of awkwardness as soon as the sealing door was shut behind us. However, I ignored it and did my best to just enjoy the sweet floral and herbal air of the greenhouse. Until she decided to stretch out on the bench I chose and rest her head in my lap.
"You're doing this on purpose, aren't you?" I ask tiredly without even looking down at her.
"Call it resistance training," she says with a purring yawn and cat-like stretch of her arms over her head that caused her blouse tucked into her business skirt to stretch dangerously.
*