When we finally reached the massive solid steel sections of wall called 'gates', Bernard radioed in for our entry and the massive gates started slowly grinding open a few moments later. The gates opened up ten feet apart from each other and we all rushed through while we could on the other side. On the other side a small heavy-lift cargo helicopter was already waiting for us on the half-mile stretch of road between the airbase and the gates.
Standing at the top of the open loading door was Director Carlyle holding the very same MP meter he had scanned me with before. He did not look very happy, either, but at the sight of one free-range kobold adult walking alongside a goblin and bird riding a giant glowing reptile he could not help but look impressed. Then he went back to frowning at me.
When we finally reached the helicopter, Bernard and Lucinda went ahead and started having the lesser kobolds load everything onto the helicopter. Director Carlyle just walked forward past the long row of loaded kobolds while frowning at me. When he reached where I now stood shoulder-to-shoulder with the undead lizard, he simply held out the black orb meter and said, "Hand."
Not long after my hand rested on the meter and my mana was drained, he made a 'tsk' sound to show his dissatisfaction. "You're already two-twenty and you just left the territory, so much for recovering! Goblin, hand," he says after another frown in my direction before measure Poniard. "Your mana pool went up, too, its just over fifty F so it should be close to E by the time you've recovered. Wow. Poniard is nearly C grade with an upper C pool. What did you guys do?!"
"The usual," I state flatly, not enjoying the harassment. "What's the word on our other businesses?"
"What's the word on your assignment?" He counters with a small snort without even looking at me.
"The targets are dead, I finished Lucinda's kill, Bernard bagged one, and Poniard got the third," I reply briskly. "Your turn."
Nodding his head while holding the meter's orb against the lizard's head, the director says, "The lizard is even right under five hundred, it might as well be lower B! I bet you had fun while doing this, too. Kobolds and goblins are one thing, but a giant glowing lizard that might as well be radioactive is a problem! You'll need a special vehicle just for transport to shield against undue exposures."
"Talk to the bird," I say with zero tears to shed for the predicament he seemed to be complaining about being in. "My problem is housing and transport, your problem is zoning and real estate, and the bird's problem is it's his fault we have this thing in the first place. Now, about the real estate and the kobolds."
Giving me the same kind of look as my tone of voice, Director Carlyle says, "We've bought out the properties surrounding yours and have already begun making them one. Kershaw handled the hobgoblins during construction and they both ended up giving birth. Congrats, you have two healthy one-forty-plus E grade baby goblins to raise. we're not paying for the buildings but the properties are a trade for all of your current kobolds and seventy percent of the kobold litters and catches you acquire for the next year."
"Fifty percent," I argue, knowing there'll only be a few kobolds from any litter for me to actually sell. If I ever caught kobolds, it would probably never be with odds this good a second time. Or there will be too many people who want loot money, so I could only catch a handful if any.
"Two years," he argues almost instantly, as if that had always been the goal.
I did not care at all. "Deal," I replied stiffly, grateful just to have a larger scale compound. Kobolds would be the only things the government could lay claim to, anyway.
With a larger property, I could now house a greater variety of creatures.
"I don't think we'll be able to take the tree with us," the director says when he finishes taking readings and walks around the undead lizard in inspection. "Between the lizard and the tree, I don't think the helicopter can carry everyone."
"Tree," comes a suddenly shrill whistle as Si-Pon suddenly appears landing in one of the bends of the warped pine's trunk."See yo-u ther-re," Si-Pon coos as it digs its short talons into the tree's bark and flies up into the air before disappearing.
Staring up into the night sky where the bird had disappeared from, I ask bluntly, "How do you kill an elemental."
Not even batting an eyelash as if he had been prepared for this moment, Director Carlyle says, "They're basically a living mana core or battery. They're born with enough juice to last about ten thousand years but they usually only live for as much as a few thousand. If you want to kill one, you have to use up its mana."
Remembering the scene of Si-Pon displaying its strength at the logging site, I can only grit my teeth and say, "Work on it. The bird had some kind of fixation on Poniard that I don't like."
Giving me a sidelong glance and frown, the director says, "Do you really think a goblin is worth upsetting an arguably supreme being over?"
"A goblin?" I echo in response, giving the man an arched brow. "No, not at all. MY goblin? My goblin could turn out more powerful than the bird, so it's a yes. I think that's one of the reasons for the fixation, Poniard is just plain… rare. How many death magic goblin shamans have you even heard about? Now how many of them fight for us? Elementals are a neutral sentient party while goblins are usually the enemy, but this one? This one means you should rearrange your priorities."
"One of us definitely needs to work on their priorities," the director agrees dryly while giving me a meaningful frown. "However, you have a point. Poniard is a freak of nature and has high research values. I'll talk to some fellow directors and see what we can come up with for draining elementals."
"Thank you," I say with honest gratitude before finally boarding the helicopter. Instead of sitting on one of the benches along the walls, like Bernard and Lucinda, I sat down on the floor beside Poniard's pet undead where the goblin was stretched out on its ribs. I simply lean back against the giant glowing reptile and closed my eyes to get some rest on the trip.
When I was finally woke up from my nap it was to find early morning sunlight streaming in through the windows of the helicopter. What woke me up as an intensely heavy amount of weight surrounding and on top of my body, keeping my from rolling over into a more comfortable position. When I finally managed to look around with my helmet on, though, I realized what all of the weight was.
Not only was Poniard lying on top of me with their head on my chest but lying across my body and on the lizard was Glaive while piled up around her were the lesser kobolds. Lucinda was awake talking quietly with the director on the opposite side of the chopper while not far away was a loudly snoring Bernard leaning forward against their seat belts. Si-Pon was nowhere in sight.
The others did not seem to know that I was awake yet but I could tell from the conversation and the fact that they both had their phones out that Lucinda and the director were talking about not only me but different pictures they had taken of my predicament. Groaning instead of yawning as I slowly push myself higher up on the lizard's body and roll some of the kobolds away, I finally take a deep breath with ribs that protested against the sudden full expansion.
"Good morning," Lucinda says brightly, quickly putting away her phone to act like nothing had been going on. "Did you sleep well? You looked pretty warm."
I wanted to be petty and say I hoped the director kept her company last night but instead just freed my arms from the sleeping bodies around me and stretched them out over my head. "Pictures," I say after a proper yawn, turning my head to look at the two overgrown children riding the helicopter with me. "I want them. How many people can say their freshly captured beasts can't sleep without them on the first night? This is advertisement gold!"
The director seems to find something strange in this and says, "How many people will actually say they sleep with goblins and kobolds and undead reptiles? I'll admit the dog pile was cute and funny but who would actually show people this? Don't you think it would look weird."
"You heard of the goblin poo meme, right?" I ask with a slight grin. "That was one of my first advertisements. Now look at me and my business and ask me that question again."
"Alright," the director mumbles under his breath while tapping at his phone. "Just don't get mad at me when people start calling you the beast bedder or something. Even in a Bureau helicopter these pictures look a little… off."
"That's probably because you took them that way," I argue irritably as my phone starts vibrating in my armor, telling me he was sending me the photos he took. "Lucinda, I want yours, too. Your pictures are probably more tasteful than his."
Smirking slightly, Lucinda says, "At least I didn't make the sleeping critters pose with your body for the pictures. You don't want to see the pictures he took of you."
"AND YOU LET HIM?" I suddenly find myself yelling, thankful for my helmet muffling the noise to keep from waking the kobolds.
Lucinda simply shrugged while taking her phone back out and says, "It was funny. it's not like I let him do anything to you. Or to the kobolds. He just… move them a little." At that point, I honestly did not want to see what pictures the director had taken of me.
"Poniard," I say darkly while glaring in the director's direction, causing the little goblin's eyes to snap open in an instant. Then, pointing at the director who was currently harnessed in his seat, I say, "Punish."
"Malcolm!" Lucinda cries out in alarm as Poniard jumps into action, crossing the helicopter in two steps as the director fought with the buckles of his harness. By the time the first buckle was undone, Poniard was already jumping up sideways to momentarily perch on the helicopter wall above the director.
Director Carlyle did the worst possible thing he could in his situation, he looked up to follow the goblin's movements rather than paying attention to getting out of his seat. As soon as the director looked up, Poniard leaped downward from the wall and flew right passed the director's head with one hand held out with his finger splayed to let the wind through. The resounding slap of hard goblin flesh against surgically enhanced human skin echoed in the helicopter.
"That's your ass, boy!" The director roars angrily, waking the kobolds as he furiously stood up from his seat and ripped the folding chair from where it was bolted to the wall. "Slap ME with a goblin? Think you're grown just because you shot some one? Come here and let me show you why I was made a director, Malcolm!"
"I'm sorry, I don't think I heard you correctly," I say dryly without getting up as Poniard ignores the raging human and returns to his seat on my stomach. "Did you say you tricked a sixteen-year-old into shooting three people, put them through experimental surgery without their guardian's permissions, drugged said minor right after surgery, and then dump him on the curb outside his house? Wow, what a guy."
With these words drifting in the air between us, Director Carlyle quickly calms down and says, "We settled that already so I don't want to hear anymore about it. As for this… you'll get yours," he assures me, finally unbuckling himself so the ruined chair falls on the floor before he sits down on Lucinda's other side. "Believe you me, I'm in charge of your jobs."
"I feel threatened," I state blandly. "Like that one time I was told by a Bureau official to kill three people in exchange for sneaking an extra portal assignment passed my guardian."
Rolling her eyes tiredly, Lucinda finished sending the vast array of pictures she had taken of me and the sleeping critters and says, "Both of you can grow the hell up, already. We get it, you love to hate each other and hate to love each other. you're basically best friends. Now get over it."
"Who would be friends with someone who takes weird pictures of kids while they're sleeping?" I ask rhetorically, shaking my head before lying back against the lizard as if I was going back to sleep.
"Lucy, I might kill your kid," Director Carlyle says seriously.
"Lucy?" I ask suddenly, lifting my head to face my guardian. "When did you two become so close?"
Lucinda just shrugged without ever looking away from her phone, pretending as if she was not even here.
Our helicopter ride was over less than an hour later, ending with everybody waking up and getting ready for the landing. After we landed on the far side of a local airport the loading door lowered to the ground to reveal that we were currently surrounded by tall semi trucks and trailers. Probably to keep us out of direct civilian view. However, the airport was a three-story building so it was not possible to remain invisible for long.
After a short dash from the helicopter to a waiting semi with the trailer open only thirty yards away, Lucinda, Poniard, Glaive, the lizard, kobolds, and I piled into the back of a semi that was already prepared with seats and an area of hay for the lizard. Bernard and the director stayed behind to finish some other business, so it was basically Lucinda and I sitting together on our phones commenting on pictures and trying to make memes that I could use on my business page.
Even though I had already uploaded a picture of me asleep and piled on by the kobolds, expressly informing the world that the lizard was off-limits and classified information, the plan was for Lucinda to come in and re-post the same image as a cute or funny meme with her own profile. If the meme was good, it would catch on and be spread as a super cheap advertisement. If not, somebody else would make a better one because that was what people on the web did with their time.
Most of what I received were offers for kobolds but I could only sadly inform my would-be customers that these kobolds were captured on contract in exchange for real estate. They were already spoken for. However, I took the opportunity to advertise my property expansion and the potential for housing and training more creatures. The creatures I advertised aiming to catch were things like giant rats, spiders, and wolves for now but would eventually become more plentiful.
Some people remarked about having heard that story already and had been waiting on these new products. I wanted to get upset and tell these trolls about themselves, but instead I could only say I was a single person capturing for himself and that if anybody wanted a discount they were free to bring me a creature for training. In this way, customers could help me fill their contracts so when same names come up complaining I can say they lost priority to people who put forth effort.
On top of this, I also had to inform that I would be on vacation from assignments for the duration of my kobold contract to add incentive for their catching their own familiars for me to train.
*