Two hours later, I heard a knock on my door. I jumped from my bed, wondering what was happening and why can't I have a moment's peace for once? Hadn't I endured enough suffering already? "Lui." Master Longwei called, sounding calm instead of bruised and broken earlier. "open the door, let me in," he said through the door. I wanted to be left alone. I didn't want to see him or anyone else. The truth is, after what I did, I couldn't bear to look at him, so I ignored him. God! How could I have been foolish enough to accept the man's challenge, cognizant of the fact that the superpowers bestowed upon me were more potent and dangerous than anything else on this planet? I should have declined Master Longwei's challenge by conjuring some excuse not to fight him. A stomachache, a migraine, a bad knee, anything to get the man off my tail.
All I know is that Master Longwei wouldn't have been injured and I wouldn't have felt so bad about hurting him. I refused to open the door, but he would not let up. I've come to realize what Master Longwei's issue is; he's too persistent. It's as if the word 'no' does not exist in his vocabulary. You would have thought that he would be in his room or office, nursing his wounds or thanking Buddha and the Monks before him for saving his life. But no. He'd just have to try to make amends, which is fine, except I wasn't ready to face him yet. At last, I opened the door, so he would stop knocking on my damn door. He entered my room quietly, shutting the bedroom door behind him careful not to disturb others. I was seated on my bed. He sat next to me and said with genuine concern, "I don't blame you for what happened. You should stop blaming yourself." I could tell that he forgave me for what occurred earlier. I was happy about that, yet I was still unsettled about the incident, though. After the confrontation, I realized that the global force was too much for me to manage. I almost killed Master Longwei. The same man who stood up for me when others doubted me. I couldn't just pretend none of this happened. I wasn't that kind of person. I was so sad and ashamed that I couldn't look the man in his face. "I almost killed you!" I mumbled, my head hanging low; looking towards the floor, not at him as if I was a three-year-old instead of a teenager. "I could have killed you!" I exclaimed, calmly.
He exhaled heavily, nodding, placing his right hand on my shoulder. "Well, you didn't. You're a good boy Lui. You're not the kind of person that would intentionally hurt anyone. You just need to learn to manage your power and I'm going to teach you how to control your powers," he said. He rose from my bed and began pacing the room, in a straight line. His pace was slow and steady as always, which made me trust him again, my wall slowly but surely coming down. "Tell me Lui, how did you feel before you turned into the Lord of Justice?" he inquired, still looking down at the ground, not me. I assumed he was thinking about something. What he was thinking about, I had no idea. "What was the last thing you remembered before the rage and before the conversion?"
Good questions.
I was silent for a moment, trying to process my thoughts as much as I could, despite my body aching from top to bottom. I tried to recall what happened, but the harder I tried, the less I was able to remember much of anything. "I don't know." I began, sighing. "my memories are all fuzzy. I can't clearly remember what happened." I responded, truthfully. I wasn't lying to Master Longwei. I honestly could not recollect a thing that happened to me today, yesterday nor last week! If I could, I would have, but since I couldn't, I left it alone. I don't know about most people, but some things are better left alone.
"Think harder, son!" He said in a calm, urgent tone. "There must be something, maybe a thought, a feeling, anything you had felt a moment or two before you turned. If we can understand what happened, then we can figure out how to trigger your powers, in addition to helping you control it." he declared, still trying to understand the mystery and intensity of my powers. Truth be told, even 'i' could not figure out my own strength. Master Longwei bent down while i was still in bed. He grabbed my hands with his eyes firmly fixed into mine. I wasn't sure exactly what he was doing, but whatever Master Longwei was doing, seemed to be cathartic, peaceful, in a sense. Like, a wave of calm reached his cortex and made him feel mellow and at ease with himself. "Breathe in, breathe out," he said to no one in particular. Then, he turned to me and declared, "Calm down Lui, take a deep breath. Relax your body and try to remember how you felt today." I did exactly as he instructed, allowing my mind and body to be calm and at peace by taking deep breaths and counting to ten forwards and backwards and all over again.
Suddenly, a notion came to mind, which allowed me to remember what happened to me the other night or the night before. "I remember now, Master!" I said, calmly. Master Longwei perked up, smiling. "Great, great! Tell me what you remember." he asked, adding; "And please be very precise, I must know every detail." Before replying to his question, I cleared my throat and said, "I remember speaking with my Mom, in my dreams, just before I turned. I remember her. I remember how I wanted to fulfill her dying wishes to stand against evil. Also, I remember thinking that I would fail her, yet still wanted to prove to her that I could make her wishes become a reality," I explained to Master Longwei. It wasn't much, but it was a start. It was better nothing. He smiled as if he saw right through my soul like a mirror or a wishing well. As if he found the answers that he needed, or worse. He was grinning as if he'd devoured a canary.
Now I was beginning to worry.
I was curious to know why he was smiling, yet I had a hunch that Master Longwei had another trick up his sleeve. Maybe it was all in my head. Maybe it wasn't. Who knows? "I think I have discovered the key to unlocking your powers, as well as ways of how control it." he blurted, pacing back and forth in my bedroom. He seemed excited and apprehensive consequently. Excited to have found a secret or two pertaining to unlocking my superpowers, yet apprehensive that I might kill someone the next time somebody provokes my inner beast. "Your rage comes from your fear of failing your mother." he pointed, resuming his observation. "Your strength comes from your mother. Your mom is the key to unlocking your powers, Lui. Think about your mother, but you must resist the fear if you want to be able to control your powers," he suggested. "Put it aside and focus on your mother. Concentrate on how proud she'd be if she knew that you're able to manage your powers. That's how you'd fulfill her wishes; managing your powers by omitting fear out of the picture," he said, nodding. "Take a deep breath, relax your body and be calm. Next, omit the trepidation while thinking of her," he added. I complied, doing exactly what he said. I tried to think about Mom, but I couldn't.
Nothing came up.
I was disappointed, but at least I tried to accomplish what Master Longwei suggested.
"I'm sorry about this," he said. Without another thought, he surprised me with a sucker punch to the mouth. I guess he thought it was the only way to get me to think about my mother since being 'calm' wasn't working. After the first punch, my hippocampus was filled with memories of my mother. Turned out that the punch worked! It helped me to remember my mother as well as tap into my superpowers.
Joy and pain rushed into my brain all at once like waves crashing onto the shore. I thought about my mother's lovely face. The way her eyes would glow when she's happy, dull when she was sad or worried about something or someone. I thought about the time she would smile gracefully whenever we embraced. I thought about the home cooked meals she made before and after work. I thought about the sacrifices she made to make certain I had whatever I needed and wanted. I thought about the time when Mom defended me against Dad when he allowed one of his students to choke me out during the match, nearly killing me. Every feeling and memory of my mother brought tears to my eyes. The joy of seeing her smile and giving me multiple embraces, in addition to the agony I endured when I saw her lying on the bed with her eyes closed and her face pale, death draining her once lovely face dry like a leech sucking blood from someone's anatomy to survive.
Out of the blue, the fear arrived and I was scared shitless. It was devastating. My mother's face was about to fade away. "Stay calm Lui, and push the fear away. It's only a distraction. Concentrate on your mother. Focus… focus, Lui. You can do it." Master Longwei said, encouraging me to keep my mind on her instead of the anxiety. I could hear his voice echoing into my inferior colliculus (ears) from afar, like a voice in the wind.
I did my best to relax, to fight the dread within. But how is that possible when you've lost three loved ones within a month or so time? Grieving over your deceased loved ones is far from simple. It's not as if you can wake up one morning and say, "I think I'll go for an afternoon stroll around the park and pretend that everything is fine," because it's not. And it never will be. I remember one adage, "You don't grieve over someone because you miss them. You do it because you don't want to miss them." That saying alone could not be any realer. It was difficult but I was finally able to reach absolute calmness without allowing various emotions to interfere. I pushed the fear aside and lo and behold, my mother was standing right in front of me. Mom moved closer to me, placing her warm hands on top of mine. She noticed my tears and wiped them in one swift motion.
"I know you will make me proud, son! I believe in you," she said. Then she added, "I love you, Lui." fading away into thin air. At that moment, my eyes turned white and my powers were activated. I did not feel any rage, only courage and confidence. I was in complete control. I finally found my activation key; pain. Whenever I felt tremendous pain by a physical wound to my body, my power gets activated, only to lose self-control. Anger begins to conquer my mind, but I also found a way to eliminate that rage without going overboard.
Thinking about Mom makes the wrath disappear.