"I want caramel popcorn. The large one and coke too" I said to Ryu.
He frowned. "That's too much sugar Aito. You'll get an upset tummy"
"No I won't. Isn't popcorn and soda what everyone eats when they come to watch movies? Don't be a boring boyfriend. You know I like sweet things"
Ryu chuckled, amused. "Are you sure you wanna be calling me your boyfriend in such crowded places? Anyone could hear you"
Oh shit. I hurriedly gazed around then let out a relieved sigh when I noted that no one was paying attention to us. I huffed. "I'll silence whoever hears us. I'm not scared of anyone".
Well... except Toshiro, Yua, Haruto, Sakura, and well...every other influential person in our school. They will be hard to silence.
Ryu raised a brow at my statement and I let out a nervous smile when I realized what I said came out wrong. "Jeez stop looking at me like I'll murder someone. I meant that I'll silence whoever hears us, with money"
He let out and "Oh" then nodded. "Alright. I'll get you what you want but don't come crying to me when your stomach hurts"
I laughed. "Of course I will. Who else will I turn to? Besides, you're the one buying everything for me and we're dating so I'm your responsibility. You better take care of me" He rolled his eyes and I gave him the cutest smile I could muster. "Can I get an ice cream too while we wait? I like strawberry and vanilla. I'll be happy if I can get it mixed"
"Fine fine whatever you want" he said with a sigh and gave my hand a gentle squeeze. "Wait here. I'll be right back". He left to get the popcorn and ice cream.
We had decided to watch a movie. Black Widow was on and I had plans to watch it with Haruto and Toshiro but when Ryu said he had planned for us to watch a movie together then go to some nice restaurant for dinner, I immediately suggested Black Widow and I didn't feel even a bit guilty about it. Yua already said Toshiro and Haruto were having bro time together and I wasn't even invited. I'll rub it in their faces that I've watched the movie without them.
I watched people passing by as I waited for Ryu to come back. It felt nice to have someone doing something for you rather than do it for someone else. I have never ever thought in my whole life, that I'll be on the receiving end. So this is how girls feel when I take them out and ask them to wait while I buy them something. It feels really nice. But, doesn't this make me the girl in the relationship? Thinking about it like that made me feel kinda strange... Every time I took a girl out, I only had one intention. To get in her bed by the end of the date. It always ended up with us having sex. All except Aera of course.
But Ryu had told me more than once that he would wait until I'm ready so I wasn't bothered about it anymore. Anyway, I'm already the bottom and Ryu had no problems taking care of me so I might as well enjoy it.
There were lots of couples around. A lot of them were publicly displaying affection. The most common one being to hold hands and walk around. I felt sad knowing that I couldn't even do that with Ryu. It may be natural to me but it would be weird to all other people. Damn it. Next time we want to watch a movie, I will book the whole theater so we could do whatever we want and then I'll book a private room in a restaurant so we could eat freely. I'm sure that when we go for dinner, we'll have to act as if we're just good friends eating together. So annoying. What is it with the world that they couldn't accept homosexuals and every other type of sexual orientations? Fucking annoying. A thought suddenly came to me and it made me angry and quite disappointed in myself.
"Woah what's wrong?" I heard Ryu ask as he walked towards me with arms full of popcorn, soda and ice cream. "You look like you want to castrate something"
Yes. I want to castrate myself.
Damn. I didn't even see him coming since I was so consumed in my thoughts. I managed to put up a small smile as I took the ice cream from him. It was strawberry and vanilla. Just as I asked. "Thank you"
He nodded. "There's still thirty minutes before the movie starts. Should we wait inside?"
I grunted and started to walk while he followed. The ice cream was good and the coldness alleviated my bad mood a little.
"Aito, what's wrong?" Ryu asked, concerned but I shook my head, indicating that I didn't want to talk. He sighed. "Did I do something? Was it something I said before leaving or did I not get your order right?"
I suddenly felt bad. Ryu had been nothing but good to me. He cares about me and can't bear to see me upset. I, being sad will ruin his good mood and our date. Fuck. I should really start being more considerate.
I stopped walking then turned to Ryu, gazing at his handsome face filled with worry. "You didn't do anything" I mumbled. "Instead, I did something I'm not proud of"
Dread replaced his worried expression in a flash. "Did you cheat on me?"
I gasped. "W-What! N-No! How can you even think that?!"
He shook his head. "Never mind"
Fuck. Of all things, his mind went to that one first? But why?... I gasped in realization. Ryu is... insecure?
"Ryu, whatever you're thinking, stop thinking it. It won't happen". I was itching to hold his hands. To kiss him and assure him that he's the only one in my heart but we were in a public place. Fuck.
His voice went low. "The thing is, Aito, sometimes, I can't help but think that what we have going on is just you exploring your sexuality. I feel like you'll eventually get tired of me and leave"
I shook my head. "No. No Ryu. No I won't. I told you that night that it's not an experiment. I have feelings for you. I really do. Even if we do nothing intimate anymore, I'll be content to just have you. I enjoy your company. What I feel for you has nothing to do with what we do in the bedroom or the abandoned building at school or even the janitor's closet". He looked amused and raised a brow so I thought about it and added; "Okay it does but that's like twenty percent. No thirty I swear but you get what I mean right? You're in my heart Ryu. I won't leave you. Not until you say you don't want me anymore and even if you say that, I'll try my best to change your mind. I won't let you go"
By the time I was done, Ryu had a full blown smile on his face. His dark eyes were sparkling with joy which made me happy too. Though I was still wondering how I went from upset to confessing my feelings once again but since its Ryu, I would gladly confess as many times as he wants. If he wants me to tell him every day, I would tell him. I will text it to him. I will call him and tell him. I will remind him every single day that I really really like him and there's no one else I'd rather be with. Ever.