*Ana*
"Thank…you." I barely feel my lips move to make a sound as I draw quiet at the sight of the blue wax seal. Dawny's royal stamp is pressed deeply into it.
It's here. I breathe softly. I thought it'd never… I'm suddenly weightless.
Deep shallow breaths fill my ears before my hand raises. The letter shakes in my hand. I can feel the weight of it. It's real.
It's here. I can barely believe it is here.
"Nicoli." Just thinking of his name makes my heart jitter.
I thought you wouldn't…that I lost…
"Nicoli has written to me." The words can no longer stay inside. I breathe again.
"Oh, Cousin!" I rush to see Mykhol.
"It's finally here!" I find myself leaping forward and hugging Mykhol in joy.
"I thought he would never write to me again."
"Oh," Mykhol stiffens ever slightly, but he still smiles. "How wonderful for you."
"It is- I never thought- My paper-knife?" I let go, turning to Naska.
"Heh?" Naska blinks, caught off guard. She looks after me, or, more at my smile, with a perplexed expression. She almost seems to act as if I'm suddenly a different person.
"Your…Empress?" Naska gawks after my smile. "You-" She points to her lips with a gesture upward. "Can do that?"
For some reason, this seems to incite Mykhol to snap.
"Did you not hear her?" Mykhol shifts to glare with fangs sharpened. "Get the damn knife!"
"Ah, sorry!" Naska jumps up with a start and quickly scrambles to her feet. She seems almost as surprised to see Mykhol lose his temper just as much as I smile.
"Here you are-" Naska holds the silver knife to me. But Mykhol snatches it away with a huff to make the girl step back. She blinks after him, stunned, but Mykhol is already back to me.
He smiles back warmly.
"Cousin,"
"Thank you."I simply take the knife as my heart beats like crazy. It punches against her ribs.
Clam down, I must tell myself as I need to or my hands will not stop shaking. Calm down, Ana.
I must tell myself to do so a few times before I finally feel it take effect. When I am ready I take to slice open the top to find a surprise.
"There are two?" I see two pieces within. One is smaller, like some kind of note, compared to the other.
Nicoli must have drawn something. I guess it, feeling a warmth grow over my face. He is drawing for me again. I can't help but leave it for the bigger one. But I barely need to open it before I let out a loud laugh.
"Nicoli's drawn another picture."
"Did he?" Mykhol goes, leaning closer but my words fall away. I find myself falling into the familiar shapes. The purple and brown figures that Nicoli keeps saying are us, are smiling.
Us. I know. And there, the bear is here.
I trace my finger over the blocky shape. Nicoli has drawn us to making a snowman.
No, it's a snowbear! I laugh again. I can't help but reveal how clever that is.
"What drawing?" Naska, meanwhile, pipes up."Who's-"
"Quiet," Mykhol snaps with a hard look. Naska immediately looks down to her feet.
"Shall we read it together then?" Mykol softened again toward me. I smile back at him with an eager nod.
"It's been so long."
"Yes, it has." Mykhol's smile slightly falters but it's back up after. His eyes focused more on my face, my smile in particular, than the letter.
"Yes, so then let's read it together."
"But, let's save the big one." I agree but fold the paper back in. "We'll start with the little one first."
"Good plan." Mykhol smiles, but he glances at his mother strangely. Aunt Funda shakes her head at the silent question.
Mykhol narrows his eyes but says nothing as I pull out the note to immediately find it's different. I don't even have to read to see if it is.
This…isn't Nicoli's hand. But I have seen it before. It's from my father.
Did Father write to me?
A slight tremor of unease runs down my arms and back as I see his, not Nicoli's hand. But I push the feeling down. I'm sure it's nothing.
I start to read aloud.
"I want to thank you for participating in my son's lessons. By being his pen pal, Nicoli has improved immensely. But I think it is now necessary for this to be the last-"
I don't finish reading as my eyes see the next word.
"What's wrong?"Aunt Funda looks to Mykhol, but he shrugs. Naska, curious, leans forward as if to read.
"Go on, cousin." Mykhol prompts lightly. "Come, we are interested in what Dawny has to say.
"Yes, your Empress, read on." Aunt Funda adds. "I too am curious."
"Who wrote what?" Naska goes, not as invested but more just curious. But even with their prompts, I feel my smile dry up. My eyes are following the next words, but my voice is dead.
I…can't bring myself to speak what comes next.
"Anastasia?" Mykhol, after the silence drags on a bit longer."What's wrong? Can you not read it? Do you need me to?"
Mykhol leans over to take it as I start to tremble.
"Ana?" Mykhol's fingertips linger over mine. "Ana, why are you shaking-"
"I want to be alone." I folded the paper and held it close to me. My eyes stay down. "Everyone, leave me."
"Your Empress?" Aunt Funda must seem to see something wrong as even she makes to approach me. But I can't help but recoil and step back.
"No, go," I repeat. "Leave. I said I want to be alone."
"Cousin, what is the matter?" Mykhol comes closer, moving for my hand."Tell me, is it something in the letter-"
"I said leave!" I push him back with force, nearly making him trip back over a chair in surprise.
"That, no, I-" I didn't mean to make him fall. But just as I feel guilty, I have to step back as Naska rushes to him.
"Lord Mykhol!" Naska quickly helps Mykhol up, but he doesn't notice her. He just looks back at me, stunned.
So am I. I didn't mean to push him over. Yet, even if it was an accident, I can feel angry tears come up.
"I said leave, now," I repeat with a shaky voice. I lift my eyes from him to glare down at the others. "Go!"
"Your Empress." Naska is quick to bow her head. She, clearly not wanting to stay another minute. She leaves the room first.
Aunt Funda, however, lingers in the room. Her eyes were on Mykhol. Her shock is evident.
"Your Empress." Aunt Funda almost snarls and forces herself to turn. Her hands clenched in her skirt in tight handfuls as she pushes on. She marched out with her motherly anger enraged. But she says no more.
With Aunt Funda gone, too, I turn back to the last remaining person.
"I said get out," I repeat but Mykhol only makes to stand up. He remains completely still, just looking back at me.
"You…pushed me," Mykhol starts quietly, almost in disbelief. "Ana…Why did you…?"
"Just go away." A hot tear runs down my cheek before I dare to lift my head to meet his gaze with something cold and hard.
"Please…just go." I held the letter to my chest. Another tear comes down my cheek followed by another that stings as it drops down.
"Anastasia?" Mykhol, meanwhile, looks more pale at the sight of my tears. "What is happening?"
"Please, talk to me-" He reaches for me.
"Now!" I shriek and force my baby fangs out. They twist in both pain and anger.
"Listen to your Empress! Listen, or I'll- I'll have you punished and taken away!" I scream and then abruptly turn to hide my face behind the shawl.
"Leave me alone! All of you! Just let me be!"
"Ana why...are you turning me away?" Mykhol's words come out so soft that I almost miss them. But I know he said it because, after a moment, he lowers his hands.
"Ana...no. I won't go. You need me."
"Do as I say." I can only repeat keeping my eyes down.
"I can help-"
"Go!" I nearly scream through my fangs. "Just…go."
"Ana…?" Mykhol stops to look after me, but I refuse to lift my eyes. I only hold the letter closer.
"Just go," I repeat and turn away fully so my back faces him. I feel his stare, it burns into my back, but I won't move.
"Do you think you can turn your back on me, Ana?" Mykhol speaks after, in a strange thin voice. A voice I haven't heard.
"After all, I've done for you? How much I've done to show you that I'm the only one left? You really will push me out too?"
"Look at me, Ana." Mykhol lingers. He must be waiting for a response. But I can't do anything. I can't speak. No, I won't.
I only hold the letter closer.
"Anastasia-" Mykhol tries one last time before he hisses.
"Fine!"
I hear the door slam closed. Leaving me alone at last.
I breathe out before I move to rub the tears on my face. It hurts. It hurts more than I think I've ever hurt.
But the pain has only begun. I know.
Because I still have the rest of the letter to read.