*Ana*
The entire time, Maddie tries her best to stay cheerful. She smiles. Maddie jokes. She even goes so far as to squeeze my fingers and rub my back, but it goes nowhere. It doesn't shift me from my mood.
"And there we are." Maddie smiles again as she finishes the last button. I am standing in a new dress to match the latest shoes- we had to redress because my other shoes to match are not here. So, we had to start from scratch.
I now stand in a large grey gown with blue embroidery. The color is appropriate. I feel like the color grey. My tongue and throat are grey. If I open my mouth, grey dust will fall over the room. It makes speaking difficult, and I must swallow it back down.
"All done." Maddie squeezes my shoulders before standing to turn me around to face the mirror. "What do you think?"
"It's," I open my mouth to taste the ash and struggle back a swallow. My eyes burn, but I won't cry anymore. It won't help anything. I end up just nodding with approval. The dress, like today, doesn't matter anymore.
"Ana?" Maddie goes when I look down at my now shooed feet. She stays staring after me a moment before loudly sighing.
"Oh boy." Maddie lifts her grey bangs. She rolls her eyes before breaking a small laugh. "What I must do to get you smiling again, huh?" Maddie shakes my shoulders gently.
"Oh, come on!" Maddie gently rocks me, "It's only shoes, Ana. And you're young. They'll forget about it." Maddie stops to push the bangs from my forehead. The smile on her face is warm, like the fire burning behind us.
"So stop being so hard on yourself." Maddie holds me by the shoulders, waiting. But I only lift my eyes to lower them again. I can't seem to break from this mood.
"You're a tough little cookie, ain't you?" Maddie finally gives in and lets go. She stands to start putting things away.
"If you don't let up soon, I might just-" Maddie mumbled as she picked up a stocking before suddenly standing up stiff. She seems unearthly still for a moment as her head slowly turns to look over her shoulder.
"Unless," Maddie goes before I see it. A mischievous smile spreads over her face. "I tickle you!" And she springs up for the attack.
"Come here, you-"
"Stop." My voice is dry and loud to make Maddie freeze in her tracks. For a moment, she looks at me differently.
"Ana?" Maddie's voice wavers slightly before trying to relax. "Ana, I was just trying to."
"The time," I look away from her to catch the clock. The sight of the time only ruins what little mood I still have.
The process of changing is no simple task. Because we could not find my shoes, we had to redress, which meant many layers to take off, only to put on new layers. And to refix the hoop skirt or have it keep shifting or get in the way. It all burns through what little time I have.
A significant chunk of the morning is gone. No, it's well into the afternoon. I have to remind myself that I started late. It's past mid-day break when we finish. Breakfast is long gone and past.
Nicoli finished eating and was off somewhere else by now. I sink. My eyes burn at the thought, and new tears flood up. I have to suck in my lower lip to stop it.
How could I have made such a mistake? I have to yell at myself again. It is all my fault.
Because of my rashness, I have no one else to point a finger at. I did this to myself. And now I can't have breakfast with either Father or Nicoli.
Worse. I shudder, realizing it. I made myself look like a fool in front of everyone. I can still remember everyone's eyes looking after me. They all know I forgot my shoes.
How could I have been so stupid? I have to curse myself and rub my eyes. I can't even hold back the tears. I'm crying, and I hate it.
"I made such a terrible mistake, Maddie." My voice cracks.
"How will Father think of me?" I shudder, thinking of his blue eyes and how they must judge me. "He probably thinks I'm not worthy to be his daughter. Because I can't remember something as simple as proper attire?"
"What if he bans me from coming back? I won't see Nicoli anymore." I can't think of anything worse. I'm banished before I can even get settled here. I've ruined everything.
"Maddie, they don't love me anymore." I cry bitterly and choke on my tears. "I'm terrible."
"Honey, no." Maddie pulls me into her arms. She wraps tight into her chest and keeps me still.
"No, hun." Maddie's voice is firm but kind." Why'd it make you even think that? No." Maddie shakes her head. She pulls me back to lift my chin.
"The king is not going to do that. Not over a little incident like this." Maddie soothes. She rubs her rough thumbs over my cheeks to dry some tears.
"How'd you ever come up with such an idea?" Maddie smiles with sad eyes.
"Because I made a fool of myself." I hiccup, leaning into her hands. "He'll think I'm not good enough. So he'll send me back." How could he not?
I would. I think. If I were Empress, I would have to. If not,- I shudder at the thought of faces back home. They would never be forgiving.
They would never forgive such an insult. I know they won't. Aunt Fudna and Uncle, the court, and even the servants would expect some punishment.
"Why wouldn't he?" I go again and see no other way. "I have to leave."
"Ana," Maddie looks over me a moment before speaking next.
"Ana, listen to me." Maddie begins again. "He's not going to send you away. He'd never do that-"
"He did before." I choke. "Before," I push on her hands." Back when Stepmother was pregnant with Nicoli, he sent me away." I swallow.
"I was- it was snowing that day." I still remember the day. "If he can do that, he can do it again," I repeat, seeing the logic. "I will be sent home and never come back."
"The king," Maddie opens her mouth, but for once, she seems lost for words. Her face contorts as if she struggles with something.
"King Alexander...had his reasons..." Maddie's words come out slowly before the room grows quiet.
I take her silence as only confirming my suspicion. See? Even Maddie can't refute it. But that only makes me sink where I stand.
"I…don't want to go." My voice is quiet and almost lost over the fire. Now, my hoop skirt weighs down on my hips. It makes me sink right through the floor.
And suddenly, it's all too much. The heaviness of the dress, the pinch of my shoes, and the cold room added to what was already unstable. I start to cry all over again.
"Maddie," I whimper, taking her shoulders and squeezing her dress. "Maddie, I want to stay." I rub my eyes. "I want to stay with Nicoli."
"Oh, Ana," Maddie takes my hands and stands. She gently guides me, in my tears, to the vanity. I sit, be it, awkwardly, with the hoop skirt. It makes my dress lift at the front like a cone.
"Maddie, no-" I protest when I feel her hands on my back. "Maddie- I can't," But she shakes her head and starts to rub. Her fingers pull and rake over my back in a rhythmic way that makes breathing easier.
"Hush, my ana-banana. Easy." Maddie soothes as a hiccup breaks my silence. I close my mouth and wipe my eyes as her fingers continue going up and down the same path.
While rubbing, Maddie lifts her head as we both hear my stomach. It gives a loud and unforgivable gurgle of anger. I move to touch it as Maddie smiles.
"You must be hungry." Maddie chirps, growing pink in her cheeks. She moves to poke my cheek. "You won't be sent back." Maddie holds my shoulders.
"Not after the king made that announcement yesterday, remember?"
"The- I recall, but I thought it would be forfeit today."But Maddie seems confident as she nods her head to herself.
"Besides, " Maddie goes on, growing sure of herself. "everyone will forget about all this with the circus coming. I promise." Maddie moves my braid back to the center of my back.
"Really?" I move for my red shawl. It's still here from this morning. Touching it makes me relax a little in my hands. My magic shawl and all its powers are instant.
"So you think…?" I look up to see Maddie make a tired smile.
"Yeah," Maddie says before we both hear another stomach gurgle. It makes her smile wider.
"How about I get you some coffee and sweets?" Maddie volunteers.
"Coffee?" I perk up at the suggestion."Did you- do you have any?"
The very idea of coffee at the moment sounds beautiful. I can't think of anything better right now. It seems so long since I smelt the heavy aroma.
I had no idea I missed it so much. I muse. But I feel it. Even more, it's not tea.
I want no more of this dreadful tea! But just as quickly as I lift, the idea falls. My short smile dies as I remember myself.
"Nicoli and father are waiting…." I go to stand obligated. I can't make them wait any longer. I've already done enough to make them dislike me.
"Maddie!" I gasp as Maddie pushes down my shoulders. She forces me back into my chair.
"Maddie?" I look up at her again to see Maddie lift her head.
"They're not going anywhere," Maddie assures. "You can take some food first." She ends with a wink. "Get some food."
"No, I- I wouldn't make them wait." but Maddie points to the mirror.
"You sure you want to go out right now?"
"Maddie, what are you-" Curious, I follow her direction to gasp when I see it.
I look terrible. I can't believe it. My face is a mess. My nose is pink and runny, as my eyes puff up.
"Oh my," I utter. "I didn't realize I look-"
"If you think you were embarrassed before," Maddie jokes, "think how they'll see you looking like a slime monster."
"I suppose I should wait…." I have to concede with a small smile. It would be worse if they were to see me like this.
"Smart thinking, honey." Maddie pats my head.
"I'll make the coffee." Maddie nods before turning off. "I'll be back in two shakes of a lamb's tail."
"Thank you," I call, but my voice falls silent when the door closes. Now alone, I feel the room grow still. I am the only one stirring and out of place.
"Ah," I pull up the shawl. I shift and pull it until my hair is covered. The red color calms me as if it were some protective coat. It gives me comfort to wear it.
At some point, I've noticed the shawl has become more than just something to cover my hair color. It's a sort of armor. It stops the stares and saves me. Whenever I put it on, it's like nothing can touch me.
It's the magic. I explain. It must be part of Maddie's spell.
But despite putting it on, it isn't long before I feel my thoughts find me again. They make me cringe and pull into myself. I can't stop recycling the events again and again.
"They must think I'm an imbecile," I go. What else could they think? They might still be talking about me, even now.
I thought I was going to be ready this time. I scold. I need to lower my head to find my hoop skirt. I bury my face into it as the shawl shifts to fall over my face.
"Please don't," I close my eyes and quietly pray. "Father…Nicoli…" I feel the urge to cry, but my eyes sting.
I don't think I have any more tears, though. I half smile bitterly. I seem to have cried a year's worth today.
*The creeper*
"She's gone?" The voice uttered as they pushed aside the tapestry. Yes, the maid was gone at last. They were now free to move without detection.
"Finally," They quietly exclaimed and stepped further out. "Now, where is- aha!" They turned to find Ana.
Is she trying to be a ball? They mused, looking over Ana. It didn't look comfortable in her hoop skirt, but Ana must have found it reasonable. She was perfectly still in her chair.
Ana didn't budge from her spot as the creeper inched closer. She didn't even lift her head when they stopped short of touching her. It was like Ana had no awareness at all. She seemed utterly lost in whatever she was doing.
She better not be sleeping. The creeper puffed their lips. It would just be his luck to find her asleep.
Well, if she is, the creeper thought with a smile. He would need to do something about that, wouldn't he?
The creeper inched close to outstretched his arms. He held his breath a moment, feeling his heart hit his chest. On the count of three, he would do it.
1…2…3! And his arms came crashing down.
"Gotcha!"