I stuck my fat throbbing sausage into a Dualit NewGen 4-Slice Toaster, for fun of course.
However, there was one problem. In the year 4500 AD, Earth went to war with an alien race known as the Gldidhians. The human race fought hard, but was overwhelmed by their superior technology, and was eventually wiped out by atomic bombs dropped from space. Soon after, a group of survivors had emerged, calling themselves the Itosians, seeking to get revenge on the Gldidhians.
They managed to complete their first space superlaser in 4501 AD, and made 99 more after that. They fired all of them at Gldidhia, the homeworld of the Gldidhians, and blew it into chunks of burning rock, and victory was achieved.
Anyway, I jammed it hard into the black crevice of the seductive-looking toaster, and set it to setting 2. I braced myself for the impending pleasurable feelings, but after about 3 seconds, I realised I didn't feel anything. The coils weren't glowing.
Suddenly, a girl walked in. Her boobs boobed boobily in a boobacious manner.
'Hello!' I said.
'I am badass.' said the voluptous female.
Suddenly, another feminine figure walked in.
'Please marry me.' she said in a placid tone.
Suddenly, I was faced with the dilemma of which girl to lend my undying love to.
Suddenly, the voluptously booby one slayed the other one with a onyx black sword that I at once knew had been forged by the blacksmiths of Gldidhia.
'Traitor!' I said.
Suddenly, I pulled out my gun and aimed it at her.
Suddenly, I realised that if I killed her, I would be as bad as her, even though she would for sure go on to inflict terror upon many others. I had to remain on the moral high ground.
Suddenly, I returned to the pressing business of obtaining pleasure. I glanced at the toaster plug and realised that it was not plugged in.
I plugged it in.
'I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.' I said, making a cool facial expression and acting cool.
I turned on the toaster and I died in seconds.