Dear myself,
I came to realize that a person we love or used to love was bound to hurt us. It is sad fact of life.
I came to realize that no matter how much pain he inflicted in our heart, in my heart, there will be a time that those open wounds will heal and leave permanent scars. Those scars serve as proof of memories. Though, no matter how much I try to conceal or remove it, those scars show how much I became strong and what I have now.
Memories don't vanish and will continue.
I came to realize that I don't need to become bitter and sorry for myself because those memories serve as my guide to countless blessings and joys.
I came to realize that I can't spread my horizon and meet new people who will love me endlessly. That someone will accept me no matter how complicated my thinking is. But I know that these realizations push me if I will continue to start a new beginning or stay put to where I wish to be.
Maybe if I didn't accept what had happened in the past, I'm still glued and continue living with hatred. Like now, if he didn't clarify his side, I will continue to hate him.
All in all, Renz and I both grew maturely.
**
Ayesha Point of View
I went back to reality when Renz tapped my head like he used to do before to catch my attention. I immediately stopped writing and closed my journal notebook.
I looked at him as he put my order in front of me. "Thanks," I said as I secretly hid my notebook and pen inside my bag.
"What are you writing?"
"Nothing, just an idea that popped in my mind," he looked at me suspiciously but immediately faded. I saw how serious he was slicing the cake and serving in front of me.
"Here! Try it!" I glared at him but he didn't flinch. "You still haven't changed."
I didn't react because I'm still not fond of sweets. "I didn't tell you to buy it. Iced Americano can do."
He gave me a faint smile. "But try it."
I looked intently at the slice of cake in front of me contemplating if I will taste it or not but in the end, I taste it. It's bad to refuse a treat. Better grab it. I took another bite and I can see how Renz' faint smile changed into a wide smile. He, then, added the doughnuts to my side.
The taste looks familiar. "Carrot cake?"
He nodded. "They just add some ingredients, not like those usual cakes."
Something seemed to get stuck in my throat when I ate three mouthfuls of cake.
"Are you okay?" Renz asked worriedly. "I'm sorry I tried to persuade you to eat sweets."
"No," I paused as I drink my bottled water while composing my thoughts in my head that my favourite coffee shop flashed in my mind. "It's good." Though, it's way different from the cake I used to taste before.
I suddenly remembered that Vener once gave me a carrot cake that he baked as he said. I suddenly remembered him convincing me to eat sweets once in a while in his coffee shop.
I miss his coffee shop. The ambience and those foods and drinks. It's way different from this coffee shop we hang out at. I smiled bitterly as I clearly remember how I mistreat Vener.
My phone vibrated and I immediately took my phone beside the table to see who notified me hoping it was from Vener but to my dismay, it was a message from our school faculties group chat.
I heaved a sigh. What do I expect? After rejecting him several times, is it enough to validate me after what had happened in our batch reunion?
What a small world that he was related to Mrs Roque? And I have the chance to mingle and casually talk to him freely.
"Is there something wrong?" Renz asked using his concerned voice. I shook my head. He smiled at me and continue eating while drinking my drinks not touching my desserts. He began telling stories about his training and somehow, I responded when needed. Renz invited me and I agreed to catch up on those painful years between us. We came to realize that we are old enough to create more painful moments.
While hearing his stories, basically I can't be connected with, my mind and eyes wandered around the place and it was inspired by those modern exterior designs of the coffee shop and ambience was relaxing because of the instrumental music playing on the speakers and something comforting but to my surprise, I started comparing it to the coffee shop I used to go.
Comparing was the last thing I can do but I can't help it. Or do I just miss the owner?
"When will you go back?"
"Tomorrow?" I replied unsure after I took a few seconds to respond.
"Is Rona going with you?" I nodded. "My new assignment was near your location. I can drop by in your unit. Let's hang out like we used to." My attention shifted and drowned to his statement suddenly flashing in my mind how Rona disagreed meeting him today.
"I forgot. Rona might not agree," he concluded as if he reads what's in my mind and chuckled. "She's so protective of you."
"Don't mind her."
"By the way, is your boyfriend knew that you are with your ex?" I eyed and pointed him with a spoon.
"I have no boyfriend. And ex? Did we become a couple?" he put his right hand on his chest exactly where his heart located and acted as I inflicted pain. "You are a police officer, not an actor. You are too obvious."
"Why? You don't feel how I feel," what he says seems realistic but why can't I stop laughing. This person is losing his mind until he gave up. "I can't trick you."
"You are a bad actor. Mind you," I tried to compose my words in between my chuckle and feel my sides hurt.
"It's soothing to glimpse those laughs and smiles," he said, pausing me from laughing when I heard a tinge of seriousness in his voice, although his face was relaxed and faint of outline little wrinkles around his eyes, and his eyes seemed to glow, "Don't let it be taken away from you."
I was ready to speak when I noticed a familiar face eyeing us from near our seats. I peered over the corner to see who it was, and to my astonishment, it was Vener. With his expressionless face, his eyes met mine. Because of our distance, his brows drooped and drew together, but I wasn't convinced.
He avoided my gaze and talked to the man at the counter.
I let out a sigh and swallowed hard. I continued to eat the cake in front of me although other areas of it had warmed up.
I returned my gaze to the counter, but Vener has vanished. I sighed and rolled my eyes, but he was nowhere to be seen. But I couldn't accept that the person who had struck my eyesight had been someone who had been of great assistance to me. As he got closer to Renz and me, Doc Perez waved and smiled at me.
"Doc," I murmured.