Ayesha Point of View
The sun's primary beams are graceful and warm to the eyes and the cool fresh breeze caressing the skin gave me a natural antibiotic. The valleys below, as well as clouds and meadows, appear to be bathed in dazzling hue light on the hillside and top, where my vision can still see them. The golden orb in the sky expands in size all of a sudden. It was as if a painter had taken a brush and drawn a beautiful purple and orange sky.
Men and women out for a morning walk enjoy the reddening beauty of the road if I gaze down from the rooftop to the road. It's the time of day when the night's cloak is flung away. The day's activity starts when the sun rises higher in the sky.
What I like the most in the morning was how the sun rises! Sunrise, for me, symbolizes hope for a new beginning that no matter how dark had happened, there is still light after it.
'Rise and shine, self!' that's what I thought. Every morning I always come here; a week passed that it became my routine without anything special happening. My routines became normal. What do I expect? If I used to go to the coffee shop run by Vener often, it became rare. The one that is always every day is just once.
"It's rarely you come here. It's new to me," one of the staff commented and I smiled at her because I was expecting someone will notice.
I roamed around and no trace of Vener, maybe he was busy on his own or he intended not to show up. In school, we rarely collide after he talked to me.
We are staying in one space and we talked casually when needed because we have also been busy with the upcoming examination of the immersion testers.
"Ma'am, it's okay. Sir Costello is in his office. Want me to call him?" my eyes widened and feels like I was sprinkled with water. I didn't manage to respond at first and I only shrugged off. Am I obvious? That much? "That's still okay," she said with a teasing smile.
The sound of the coffee maker saves me from the hot sit situation. She turned away and prepared for my order. After a minute, I am now carrying my food going to my usual spot after paying my bill.
I didn't know but every time I went here to the coffee shop, even if there are many customers come, seems like this spot meant intended to me.
I stared outside. The beautiful early morning was gradually replaced by shady skies and a windy atmosphere. It made sadden a little bit.
I returned my gaze to the food in front of me. I slowly drink a little bit of my coffee and tried to match it with a carrot cake. I can order in no time even if I don't like sweets. It tastes so good.
And I didn't expect that a painful scenario for me flashed on my mind.
"Are you avoiding me?" Vener asked firmly. We are here on the rooftop. Because I love the rooftop so much I got stranded and I came across him alone. I tried as much as possible not to create noise but I wasn't effective. He walked near me but had enough space for me not to get comfortable. He looked into my eyes but I avoided his gaze.
"Are you avoiding me?" he asked once again but I didn't answer him. Maybe if avoidance is the call to what I did, I wouldn't be there. These past few days, I realized Ron was right. For me to protect my heart and one way I thought was to not make way for me to talk to him or meet him even if it was very impossible.
A moment of silence enveloped us and I can hear my pounding heartbeats. It getting wild.
"Ayesha," this time, he called me by my first name. This time, first name basis. I lifted my chin and directly looked into his eyes. I am starting to get drowning with his glimmering eyes. "What is my fault? Tell me."
I tried to speak but I suddenly become mute, no words can't escape from my lips. "Is it because I still treated you the way I treated you before you rejected me? Is it because I put your picture on my phone wallpaper? Or is it because I have feelings for you?" he added. His eyebrows met again and I could see the annoyance on his face which was the opposite of his faint voice.
"No," I said. Finally, a word escaped from my lips. It sounded like a cracked voice and I don't mind it.
"Then, why are you avoiding me?" he shifted his gaze and looked away. "I don't care if you rejected me, that day. Yes, it was painful that I was rejected but I came to realize that I didn't do anything to prove my feelings, that I don't deserve to be reciprocated if I was not doing any effort. Don't you know that it is all new to me so I was clueless on how to prove it?"
"I'm sorry," I said trying to hold back my tears and to control my cracked voice.
"If that's what you want, I will fight back my feelings. I'm sorry because I have feelings for you." He became teary-eyed as well but he was covering it with a faint smile and I can feel the sincerity of his voice. "I will just talk to you if it was school-related."
And he was a man of words. I suddenly wished undone but I need to stand on it even though my heart and mind were contemplating. Maybe, it is for the best. Maybe, this is the best option. Yet, why do I feel like I just fooled myself?
After all, there is nothing to be gained by those who are uncertain.
I stared outside again. From a shady and windy atmosphere, it become dark and the sun didn't stay. The sun is covered by cumulonimbus clouds.
It rained hard.
With a heavy heart, I poured attention to the food I ordered while reading online novels that brought me into the wilderness but at the back of my mind was missing someone else present.
Missing someone, we feel empty as well as we regretted why we did the most stupid things. Like something important inside our system and it is hard to let go of it. I tried hard to protect my wall but at the end of the day, I am still the one who destroyed it little by little unexpectedly.
I sighed heavily and decided to go to the mall to buy some goods and what my siblings asked me.
I was about to open the door to get out when I heard someone's calling my name and it was the staff at the counter.
"Madam you forgot this," she said as she hurriedly went near me and gave me the keychain I bought when my family and I went on a nature trip.
"Thanks," I said as I accept it. I took one glance at his but there is no trace of him.
I sighed heavily. I do not know how many times I sighed. I don't even count.
Maybe someday, I'll get through this. It was not real.