Ayesha Point of View
"The picture alone, without a written word, leave half of the story untold," James Lafferty said.
Yes, he's true. The picture was saying a lot of things that a single word or sentence was not enough. The same is true with what I saw on Vener's phone. I do not know what is the appropriate reaction I should convey. Do I need to assume that it was an unintentional move or intentional to tell me that he think of me? Do I need to freak out to tell that I feel creeped out? Do I need to smile real big to tell that I feel flattered? Or it was very uncomfortable for me and the weirdest trick I've been encountered? Or an unusual side of him?
It was mixed emotions and I don't know.
Life is so unpredictable. The most unexpected moments will appear in the most unexpected circumstances.
I glanced at him talking to his mom over the phone in a distance that I can't hear him. Unlike the other time I saw him talking over his phone, he was furious back then but now, he was a typical Vener I knew.
Looking at him from a distance, I can't pinpoint the reason why? My mind was about to explode over things that were uncertain and hanging over nothing.
In my peripheral view, I saw him walking to go near me after putting his phone in his pocket.
He sat beside me.
"Ayesha, I-," he was cut off when a student from earlier who gave food, said that our one hour staying here in the jail booth was over.
My blood awakened and immediately stood up but I realized that Vener trying to say something earlier.
"Okay," I replied and turned my gaze to Vener who already stood up like me.
"On behalf of all my classmates, we are apologizing for this inconvenience," his words are sincere and bowed down his head and his hands were shaking a little bit.
After that, we went out to the jail booth.
It seems like I was as if I had escaped from a person's confinement from a tight chest incident. I sighed.
"Ms Sandoval."
"Mr Costello."
"You may speak first," Vener said but I insist him to speak first.
"Can we-" he was cut off for the second time when loud music from the dedication booth near us. The song was from a hard rock metal band that awakens sleeping blood. We both halted and silence filled between us then, suddenly, we both burst into laughter without minding if we are in the hallway.
"I'm sorry for the sudden music," the boy announcer said apologetically based on the tone of his voice. The music changed from hard rock to solemn.
"As what I said," Vener paused while scratching the back of his head as if trying to gan exact words to say, "Can we talk?"
I nodded because I want to know his answer.
"At the rooftop," I concluded and turned back at him going to the faculty office.
I spent the remaining hours in school strolling around even though I was a little afraid if there were another group of students who pulled me because it was part of their theme gimmick. So far, there were none.
I saw different strands and grades doing their best to make a profit out of their efforts while wearing a wide smile.
I'm glad that I chose to become a teacher. Seeing my students enjoying their high school life was already an accomplishment. Seeing them matters to me, not the knowledge I share with them or how much they what they're doing but how much they love and applies what they know. Seeing them was like I was like them before, that I was once a student like them.
For a short period, I forgot that Vener and need to talk.
Just like what we talked about, I went to the rooftop wearing a loose shirt and pyjamas with my slippers not minding what Vener will think of. Why would I bother to dress up when he already saw me in my worst state?
When I got to the rooftop he was already sitting in our usual seat looking for the view of the city at night. Just like the different colours of flickering light in a distance, my heart was in that state. It was uncertain and exact words can define what is it.
Vener looked in my direction when I stood in front of him while smiling. "Thank you."
I turned around and took a small stepped in the railings. I put my elbow weight to lean against the railings.
"Vener," I sounded like an unhappy upon calling his name. Just like what he did, he stepped a little bit beside me and took a deep breath.
"Ayesha," he started talking but paused a bit after mentioning my name. He was hesitant but after a second, he continued talking, "I'm sorry if I creeped you out. I have no excuse. Why do I need to deny an obvious?"
"Do you love me? As a friend or more than a friend?" I firmly said. Without asking and without further ado.
"I already crossed the line," I can see his ears were burning even his face was blushing like rosy cheeks while talking. "I've been taking a chance to risk my heart. I won't deny my feelings even though a lot of negativity lingering in my mind. It's funny to think that I was like, I was forced to say my feelings towards you because you saw my lock screen on my phone."
I faced him and in his glimmering eyes, I saw his sincerity. I feel like my heart is going to pound with excitement as my brain analyses what he said and it was like my heart wants to jump out of my chest because I never thought someone like him would like me. But why do I feel like crying? I should be happy or flattered that someone like Vener confessed to me.
I shook my head full of confusion. There was a bead of tears in my eyes but I didn't ignore it.
I should be happy, right? I should be jumping out of joy but why do I feel that it was unfair? That my feelings were reciprocated, right? But why did I feel that I did not know what to feel this time?
"I choose to let out my feeling for you. It is like a bomb that any moment if I can hold it wisely, it will explode. I know words are not enough but I'm willing to show it to you," he said, still not missing the expressions that what he says is true. He looked at me intently straight in my eyes but diverted my gazed in the flickering light in a distance.
What if?
What if he's the same as everyone else?
What happens if he shatters my heart?
"Vener, I'm sorry. I don't want to get into those things first because I still have a lot to do and prove to myself, that I can do it all alone, all by myself," I firmly said.
Well, it was partly true. Saying those words was not easy on my part because I know Vener was a man who should not be rejected but I already did. Saying those words was torture but I know it is for the best. Rejecting him was the only way to show that I'm fair enough.
"Can't you involve me in your plans for the future? Can't I accompany you even though it's difficult? Isn't it possible, even if I just look at you from a distance?" he implores. I fought back tears as they welled up in my eyes, but I stood firm in my choice by shaking my head.
"I'm sorry," I apologized. I can't because I'm the only person who can fix my life's mess. I want to improve my life and keep going even if it's difficult. I want to express that I want him to come with me, but it'll be pointless if I do.
I suddenly felt chest tightness but I ignored it.
"But can I keep your picture as my lock screen wallpaper?" he requested. I didn't answer him, instead, I stepped my feet away after taking a glance at him and went away.