Dear myself,
When I was a child, I was dreaming to grow fast and become an adult. But now I'm grown up, I suddenly regret wishing those days. I suddenly want to return from being a child.
When I was a child, I didn't understand why they restrict and protective of me. I can't understand why they keep on saying I'm still young and yet I always insisting to do it. But now, the realization hit me. That there are appointed times in everything and not all are meant to be mine. I will end up hurting myself if I will claim things that were not planned for me.
When I was a child, I don't understand when someone is heartbroken, they can do useless things, wrecked and can't think rational. But when I experienced being broken, realization woke me up that it's not easy as counting numbers to let go and move forward. I realized that doesn't judge someone why they did unexplainable actions.
When I was a child, I like watching romance or any movies or shows portraying love. Imagine how curious I am at your age. They said that you can feel love in an instant. Love can define words unspoken. Love is happiness. Love is an innate feeling. Now, I do not know. Feeling in love is not in my vocabulary because of what I've been through but upon sorting out, I ended realizing that I'm just scared. Afraid of everything because love is the most dangerous emotion that can make someone insane.
I long for the days when I was a small child with no worries, stress, or concerns.
But why do we love?
Because love let someone know that you can change to a fine person.
Love makes day-to-day life special.
Love is a process.
Most importantly, love is sincere, yet aren't some people enjoy forgetting and moving on from those they adore?
That's what others may say but for me, we love because that is what we created. Loving someone is the opposite of hurting him in the process. Loving someone is a risk. A feeling that you don't know when to stop or continue if problems arise.
Oh, whatever it is, I don't know. I do not anticipate what to commit.
Confused,
Ms A
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Ayesha Point of View
I woke up like my head spinning because of lack of sleep. I slowly got up and come to realize that I slept on the couch comfortably.
"I told you to stay quiet."
"What did I do? You're the noisy one."
"Sir Vener warned us and she woke up."
I heard the four children blaming each other for why I woke up. They are sitting on the next couch near me. They all looked and smiled at me regretfully. They become stiff for a minute but when I smiled at them, they slowly loosened up.
"Good morning! Sorry, we woke you up," a cute girl with chubby cheeks said apologetically. They must be the kids of the helpers on the farm.
"It's not."
"Isha, Marcus, Cedric," introducing them by name. "And I'm Demise,"
"Ayesha," I introduced as well and I folded the blanket I used. Before I went to my deep slumber, I recall that he was seating next to me. There is neither blanket nor pillow and now there was. I giggled like an idiot. He made me special in a simple way.
I excused myself to the children and went to the bathroom to fix myself. I was about to knock on the door when it opened and Vener came in the view looking fresh and smell so good.
I blinked twice trying to internalize what he looks like. He's half-naked. I saw his well-toned muscles, especially in the abdominal part. I suddenly feel that my cheeks reddened so I looked away.
I abruptly felt an unexpected heat inside me that wants to burst. I swallowed hard. Being close to him was suffocating. I needed space to breathe.
When he gave me a space, I immediately went in not minding if allowed to enter.
I faced the mirror and I can see my reflection how red my face was. It's a good thing no saliva dripping or eye booger at all.
I gargled and washed my face to subside the redness. I tried as well to calm my nerves. What a pleasant morning!
I stayed for a while inside the bathroom thinking I should be fine before I decided to go out. I roamed around and I saw Vener in the kitchen drinking coffee while reading a book while a helper was preparing for breakfast. I'm grateful that he was wearing a shirt. I sighed in relief.
"Miss Sandoval," he called me and offered a coffee. I went near him like nothing happened and pretending that I didn't overreact and mixed my coffee.
"How may I help you? What can I do?" Did I say to the helper?
"No need to help me, madam," she said. Though I kept on insisting to help her she didn't let me so I gave up. I went back to the couch while holding my cup of coffee. The four children are throwing some cheesy jokes and puzzles. I remembered my childhood days. If I were given a time machine, I'm glad to take that opportunity to go back to being a small child.
"It's your turn, Marcus," Isha said. I'm in front of them watching their banter.
"So, here it is. Why do chickens look up and close their eyes when sipping water?"
"I know the answer, easy. Because the chicken prayed that he would need to pee."
"Because she doesn't have a straw, she still has to look up for the water to pass into his throat and as for her closing her eyes, she feels like drinking."
They all answered and I can't help but laugh at them. At their age, they are wise enough to think for their reason.
"Another question, how can you enter an elephant in the fridge?"
"Hey, Demise. Is that from Google?" Cedric queried. As far I remembered, there are no such rules.
"You're ruining the good moments," Demise rolled her eyes and continued. "So how would do it?"
"It was clear. You must open and place it in the refrigerator," Cedric answered full of himself.
"I have another question. What is the best way to place a donkey on the refrigerator?"
"Open the fridge and put the donkey."
"No, it should be getting the elephant out of the fridge, simply open it and place it back in," Isha answered confidently.
"Yeah, that should be done. Next question, which animal would go missing if all animals attended the lion's party and one went missing?" Demise questioned again.
"Report it."
"No, how can you report it. They are all at the party."
"I know," Marcus suddenly said. "The donkey was is in the fridge so he's not around."
Are they kidding each other? How come they can think theoretically?
"One last question. What would you do if you needed to cross a river teeming with crocodiles?"
"To cross, I'd require a boat."
"No, it's not. Because all the animals were at the lion's birthday party, you simply swim and cross it."
That's the reason I can not help myself to giggle with laugher made them all turn in my direction.
"Just go on with all your joke. I just can't get enough but to laugh," I said trying to calm my nerves. I even sweating even though the atmosphere is cold. "Don't mind me."
They looked at me intently. They have something to say but they are hesitating.
From my peripheral view, I took note that Ron already woke up and walked downstairs going to the kitchen.
My laughter automatically subsides when the four children stood up and sat beside me. Isha and Cedric are on my left side while Marcus and Demise are on the right side. I looked like being cornered to interrogate something that I didn't commit.
"Why?"
"Do you have a boyfriend?" Demise asked and I said none.
"Is Sir Vener your boyfriend?" I said no.
"Why?" Isha exaggeratedly mumbled. "But he's courting you?"
I felt like I was hypnotized. Instead of stopping them from asking useless things, I answered them honestly. They are still a child but the way they implored questions signifies that their generation was different from before. Millennial issue.
"No."
"But you like him?" Demise asked and I was left off-guard. I can not simply say yes or no. I was left down founded.
I didn't realize that Vener was going near us and began scolding them.
Do I need to tell in words?