Dear myself,
Sometimes life is so unpredictable. Life is like a game. You are the driving force and the captain of your own.
Proven and tested.
We don't know what might happens next or any circumstances that we can't even explain.
I deep sighed and here we go again my litany.
I'm here in my haven. Rooftop.
I went straight here after work without bothering myself to drop by at my unit to change clothes.
Not from afar, children are playing.
Memories??
I still remember when I was a kid, I always play with my fellow children in the neighbourhood. We played Filipino street games like patintero, jump over the cow, jump thorn, chasing game, toy gun made of wood or bamboo, pole grease, playing text, knock down the prisoner, also known as knock down the can, marble, Chinese garter, hopscotch and many more. We played any of each.
Of course, a game called "Bahay-bahayan". There is someone who will act as a father, mother, brother, sister, youngest, neighbour's family and friends.
That was the time of innocent years and nothing to bother but to play.
Days, months and years had passed but nothing had changed. The way we treat each other was still the same. Solid friendship, boys and girls. I still remembered the day how we made fun of everything, tease each other until someone will cry. Naughty days, both good and bad days in which the companionship can't replace. Nothing more.
Those days, it was memorable. But one day, it changes everything. In one glimpse, gone are those days.
The feelings. It's hard on my part that it ends just like that. I fell to someone I didn't intend or wish to fall. I fell to someone and that someone was my childhood friend, my playmate.
How can I fall if he showed me the way? How can I fall if he's the one making a way for me to fall? How ironic but it was the truth, no joke. Unfortunately, I felt like I was compared to a toy.
I was thinking why me? Why I was chosen to be a victim of that game? I can't think of any valid reason why did I experience to feel the pain. I can't think even of an explanation because when the time comes, you can't alter a decision. It was done.
All I thought was he's different from another guy around there yet he hurt me and he's more than that. All I thought was he will make me whole despite my past yet he's the one who will break my broken heart into dust. All I thought he's true yet he's fake. All I thought was I knew him so well but it's not.
He wasted all our past and put a knife to kill me slowly. I always tell myself that I can't do anymore, what is done is done and just accept everything. Yes, it was easy to say those words but it's hard to accomplish it.
A dog is loyal. Why not him? A big question mark.
That's life. We are not treated equally.
There's someone who will come into our lives to become our past and gave us a lesson. It depends on how we acknowledge those lessons.
We are met but not meant to each other. I'm hoping for the time that I will come to understand the whole story and say "Thank you for the broken heart".
I made myself composed and gently wiped my teary-eyed when I felt someone aura, a stranger.
"Miss, you alone?" I can't figure out if his statement were asking or stating the obvious. I made myself looked at him as if nothing had I did a lonely monologue and force myself to give a smile. If I'm mistaken, we're the same age and he's new to me. On his left hand, his holding a lace of a puppy. I'm not familiar with what kind of breed the puppy was. All I can say is that the puppy is so damn cute. "Sorry, all I thought no one is here."
Before I could respond, the puppy ran to my lap and keep on swaying his tail. The puppy looked at me as if it telling me not to be afraid.
"It seems Toti likes you. It was rare that Toti gestured like that. He usually barked at you," the guy smiled and sat beside me without asking permission. I shifted my attention to the puppy who is still looking at me. I smiled.
"You are more beautiful when you smile," he said that made me flatter. Am I? "Don't ever doubt why I said you're beautiful."
"Don't just drop a flowery word to someone you barely know. You will lead someone to the wrong conclusion," I rolled my eyes but he just laughed.
"That's what they called assuming."
"Exactly."
"Don't mind what I said earlier. But let me tell you that sunset does not depict an ending but a sign of a new beginning of a tomorrow morning, it will still there brought new hopes. We have many reasons to be happy. Just focus on what makes you smile. And don't be afraid to laugh." He stated. Well, it makes sense.
After a few minutes of talking to that stranger, I made myself excused and went to our unit. I joined Rona in watching.
"Oh, Ayesha, you're smiling. What makes you happy? It's not because of what you are watching. Look, the scene was a tragedy," Rona concluded, my roommate but I chose not to speak. "Would you mind telling the story?"
Rona tried any tricks just for me to open up but she got no answer to her questions. "Oh, poor me!"
"Rona, this is nothing. Yes, I smiled. I'm happy. Is that what you are wishing for since that day?" I retorted.
She heaved a sigh. "That's not the issue. Well, I guess it is something fishy. You know!"
"Then think what you want to think. It's up to you," I concluded while laughing.
Even a few moments, my feeling became light, as if a heavy load washed away without apparent and undefined reason.
Smile,
Ms A