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The forlorn enthusiasm

Maryam_Aamir
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Synopsis

Chapter 1 - MISINTERPRETATIONS

~wo deher hi kya kay tareeqi na jai wo haal hi kiya jo badal na jai wo zikar hi kiya kay aansu na chalkai wo rog hi kiya jo bhula diya jai The oomph, vigour, liveliness, elan, ardor and dash instantly tranforms into death, non existence, indifference, inactivity, laziness and apathy bottomlines the very flow of life. Life fixes you, breaks you, configures you and moulds you always into someone (through experience) for the sake of it, either you allow it or deny the very idea of "TRANSFORMATION". Just for once in your life, have you ever ever wondered how all these actors act? In the presence of all these cameras staring at their faces for hours? The audience, they merely know or met ever,lively seeing them change into different characters? The way they put on masks? Camouflage and conceal their shortcomings perfectly in accordance with the writer's words which are just some impressions or blotches on a paper? Have you seen them performing their role and change even the act for distinct scenes? They show you what you want to see, they will put on masks and facades, they will dance, make you cry, they will make you feel sorrow, affliction, remorse or peace, ecstasy, thrill. They can make you dance on the moves they perform, they teach you lessons by picturizing themselves into a story that never ever existed. But man, you are kind enough to feel all those feelings, to cry and laugh with them, to understand what they teach you, you are kind enough to them that all those entertainers can ignite and smolder three hours of you day for some story that doesnt even exist and then you are unkind enough to confess to yourself when at night you are depressed and worn-out that I dont get the time to better myself. You are kind enough to strangers that they can play around in a scene and emotionally imbalance you but no, you are unkind enough to tell you that life is dreadful and lousy, you dont deserve the happiness because yes, you are busy picturizing yourself as the protagonist of that movie you watched and think that some miracle or marvel would be kind enough to wriggle into your dark and murky life and vahla! all your problems dash towards a resolute scene so swiftly that is so unparalleled and unimaginable in itself. The arduous and grueling masterpiece of your life entangles no further and all those hooked and implicated accoutrements are resolved and clinched for good. You keep waiting for miracles all your life when you forget yourself middle-way~what if the miracle you have been striving to find for that one epic closure was no hero but it was YOU. What if the steadfastness and unflinching faith was your shining armour in that battle of despair and lonliness that no one else ever possessed. What if all it required was to stop being vulnerable and unexposed; taking the cantrol of your life and be that protagonist you admired so much, be you. 'You are the architect of your own fate'.. FATE? Well some of us believe in what is written for us by Lord. And all those ideas we pent up inside us that failure and success is foreordained and forewritten, why can't you take the risk to break that boded and presaged destiny of yours? Why can't you unfold the amazements and confoundment inside of you and let you decide for yourself...'Are you worth it?' Dont let people decide the right for you. Dont let a non-existent , baselesss and ethereal circumstance.. already decided and assured, make you go through hell. And having said that.. Winston churchill once said, 'If you are going through hell, keep going'. What use is that hell, that is not even created by 'for yourself' by 'you' even. If you've decided for yourself to bow down and surrender to the same whereabout as you where you are right now, for the rest of your life, unknown, common and lost, do the honours to make a hell for you, yourself. Live by living the extents. If you think you are to no good, do what is necessary to make you realize that good is all inside, it doesnt need a built.Prove yourself wrong. Dont bow down to the worst which is created by other people to make to feel shallow, stunted and squat. If being inferior and squatty is what you've decided for yourself, then have the guts to build that hell for yourself, if not, get up and sire your own definition of INTIMIDATE and COOL. And I quote 'when I am sad,I STOP being sad and be awesome instead.' Imagine now,in a parallel universe, this living hell you've created for yourself has living characters just like; The hell is a stage (just like in a theatre), all those people related to you by blood or not, have certain roles in it, and since this hell is created by you, so you become THE MASTER. Now you are responsible for telling all those characters their roles in your theatre, out of nowhere you are the master, perfectly mastering those puppets that work under you. You decide whether to influence or compromise, to compose, create or destroy, to reconcile or incite, to beseech or command. Now, lets suppose that theatre is your life, what kind of a life you want? Do you want to master the art of mastering your life or all what you want is copout and show a flag of peace to life's agitation and destruction and die an unknown, anonymous, regretful and bitter death? In this journey of RECOGNITION, you for once, need to admire yourself and forget the lonliness and resentment in your life. Forget the parchment embodying that life's order of events is forordained and there is no epilogue or sequel to this perplexing verve you're living. We live life so hollow that we never relate us to deep-rooted and unfathomable meaning of things. WE SEE THINGS as frivolous and narrow as what we've made ourselves to be. "DESTINY" is not synonymous to "FATE". A wonderful explanation strikes my mind as I write this, I believe that destiny is the manifestation to live.. and it can be lived parallel to a living fate or overrun the living fate. NO DOUBTS, fate is the decree of God. Determinism also differs from fate. The circumstances almost in this case, pile up in a certain way that pushes us towards a certain consequence or termination of a situation that seems to be pre-ordained or pre-determined in a long run. Blaming destiny doesnt change how you made certain changes in your life and they hypothetically whacked your very idea of rigidity. Similarly, if we have decided for us to lead our life in a certain way, positively, successfully or by being hopless and forfeiting.. Is is justifying enough to blame destiny or is it you? Have you ever been a witness when people are being injected and how quickly they get over the pain of it. But even they do, the scar still never goes too quickly? Have you ever been a witness to when the water gushes unexpectedly and those gigantic building and deserted playgrounds loose their existence in a mere second or so, You forget easily.. history doesnt. Experience the pain when those wounds you get somehow are touched by water, does it hurt? It does. When you are shown a rusted photograph of two people, one of them being you, and the other.. long gone and forgotten until then.. when sudden flashbacks from that picture ignites certain memories and you remember in a trance those moments.. does it hurt? yes it does. You never forget anything, those lingering moments just need recognition to be felt, perceived and to be explored. When you clinch this idea to those dreams regarded as ash and dust, they never leave their trace too. As long as they are remembered your soul hurts to an extent that you forget the stupefaction and compliance you acknowledged before embracing the thought of it. But that is the time when you let go of certain things. Just like ash can never mollify itself to be lost, you can never compromise those dreams to wander away just like that. But that is not surrendering and bowing down, that makes you decisive, forceful, a master who has learnt the art of mastering puppets or illogical situations in his LIFE or a living hell. But so in every case, suffice it to this, the hold is therein your own. You won't blame destiny for muddles and anarchy anymore. If something, you learn to ACT, RESOLVE and ACCEPT the circumstances and having said that, the rat's nest doesnt forge or destroy your standard. You accept yourself with all the disproportions and whether you've to start building up from the scratch yoú re ready to do that too. We live in an unimaginable world where people will carry out and about in voilence and fight with their neighbours but will reach out in love for love to people they disgust, loathe and as repugnant as it might seem, the truth is always agonizing, piercing, heart-throbbing and dearingly afflicting. All what we have to present to other people are narrow minded concepts prevailing in the inner most core of all those cores that we wear to obscure ourselves from those people around us and which are narrow to an extent that if those broader concepts invade our understanding, we start to loose our mind and title the person REBELLIOUS and DEFIANT. But a rebellion without truth is like a spring in a bleak, arid desert. Or the other way round, truthful rebellions face orthodox and cononical idols or totem. These icons are so deep rooted in our soceity that impervious to what it may seem,the exigency and necessity becomes A TABOO to talk about. Or otherwise, rebellions wont exist. They wont be a made a whip to torture people. It wont be necessary to annihilate, destroy and put to end the beliefs of certain people. It wont be necessary to be a villain in some hero's story. Men wont necessarily be wiped out for being a rebel.Events of glory and majesty often spring from triffling consequences. Come what may, Be ready to be a REBEL, not an anarchist, but have the heart to live on your own terms. For a star to be born.. one thing should happen.. A gaseous nebula must collapse, this is not your destruction.. THIS IS YOUR BIRTH. The grandeur in itself. Some people die in the very process of drifting towards the ultimate termination. Those frequent heart attacks starring deaths in the process is not holistic it is frequent and uncanny. It tells you about the world.. the real hell ignites from the very first swindle or betrayal. Trust can never be magically handed over to someone, you need to earn that trust. But one way or the other, some good deeds or acts just sometime blotch your heart, trust is earned easily by some. But the way it is earned, it is broken more easily, and the more easily your trust breaks, you are hurt even more easily. And when one thing is destroyed, you start to question other things too.