Without the ability to work my delivery jobs, I had to rely heavily on Zeke's naps to fit in extra time in front of my web cam. My regulars were ecstatic to see me online more often. I was exhausted due to staying up all night and not sleeping when my toddler slept. But I tried to appear rested and ready when it came to putting on my shows.
Being on the site more also meant I was becoming more popular and making more money. I was receiving offers from sister companies to perform for them as well. This was never my dream career, so I politely turned them down. I was making enough for my bills and the debt I owed toward my totaled car.
When I wasn't masturbating for an audience, I was typing away on my laptop. The story I had in my heart could no longer be contained. I was ready to tell the world the shit life of Maxie Mayes.
Easton hadn't called and hadn't visited my cam shows, either.
I was slipping into a state of depression, worse than when PJ left Zeke and me. I still don't really know how I managed to pull myself out of that one. In a matter of days, I was showering again and working a full-time job while Zeke went to daycare.
But now, I have only gotten out of bed when Zeke needed something. Other than that, I keep his movies playing on repeat while I lose myself to memories, I thought had been buried long ago…
"You don't smell like other girls, Maxie." Easton commented while we ate ice cream at a popular shop in a part of town that was slowly starting to lose its charm.
Families were drawn to our hometown because of its excellent school system and quaint atmosphere. Growing up, you could walk up and down the streets with no fear of kidnappers or dirty old men with bad intentions. The grass really was green, and the buildings were well-kept. It was the perfect area to raise your children.
I think I was a sophomore in high school when that began to change. The grass became a little yellow and gangs moved into the lower income neighborhoods. My parents started to become more protective, no longer letting my sister and me roam the streets by ourselves. Even on our block, we were told to come home before the streetlamps turned on.
I raised a brow at Easton, my spoonful of mint chocolate cookie raised to my lips. "I'm not sure if that's a compliment."
He chuckled and took a bite of his bubble gum, cotton candy explosion. The guys liked his sweets. He just acted the part of bitter asshole when he was around his friends and flavor of the month. Or week, in some cases. "It's not a bad thing, Max. Just," he took another bite. "A lot of chicks like the fruity scents and shit. You smell like spring and sunshine."
Ok, now I knew he was full of shit. "What does that even smell like, weirdo?"
"Daisies, sunflowers, and freshly washed laundry." He states. Two of those were my favorite flowers so I'd give him that. Laundry? I wasn't so sure if I liked that.
I shook my head. "Well, it's this perfume that Layla got me for my birthday." I pressed my nose to my wrist. "I like it."
"I like it, too, Maxie. It suits you." He grinned.
I never wore another perfume after that. I stocked up on it. Anytime there was a sale, I bought two bottles. I asked for it on holidays and birthdays. I always did that when he said he liked something about me. I went overboard. He was the only one I did that for.
PJ never commented on how I smelled. I think it was just a given that I had a nice scent. But the dude rarely showered. I don't think his sense of smell worked all that great. I would have to force him to clean up and it only got done right if I joined him in the shower. God, that took the fun and sexiness out of an act that you see in a lot of sex scenes.
Thinking about my ex-husband's poor hygiene made me smirk. Bitch-Tit McGee had to deal with that now. I wondered if she cared, though. Before I found about his ultimate betrayal, he was coming to see me, nastier than before I moved out. I cringed at the memory of me fucking him anyways. I thought he was having second thoughts; you must understand. Even though he hurt me so badly, at the time I would have done anything to save our family. Including getting back together with him. Zeke having a father and siblings meant everything to me.
Fate had another idea, however. I found out about the 'unplanned' pregnancy a few months later and finally realized that he never cared about me. I was simply a hole for him to put his dick in. Jokes on him, the last time he came over to 'see' our son, I vomited all over his crotch. Good times.
I overlooked too much when it came to PJ. He had horrible habits. Aside from cheating…constantly. He had a secret life that wasn't so secret. He knew I knew. I confronted him so many times. He lied to my face, of course. If I hadn't wanted a family and children so badly, I would've left him and exposed him. I will live with the fact that I didn't for the rest of my life. I can be thankful for a couple things, though. Zeke turned out to be a boy and PJ didn't want him. That's what I like to call bittersweet.
I stared up at my ceiling, the remnants of my last dream echoing around in my head. Easton's laugh made me warm and cold all over. It felt like I had a fever but really, I was just heartbroken. I didn't feel this bad during my divorce. PJ's deception didn't hurt as bad as Easton coming back and leaving me all over again.
As sick as it is, I really wished that I had done more than kiss him goodbye. My lady parts itched to have one more go at him. Now that I knew a little bit more about how to make a man feel good, I wanted to see if our 'love-making' could be even more explosive than it was all those years ago.
I was thankful that Zeke didn't care for parks. I couldn't look at swing sets without recalling Easton and his ability to make me orgasm with a single thrust of his hips.
I turned to my side to check my phone and caught a whiff of my pits. I wrinkled my nose. I knew I should shower. Especially since Zeke was passed out on the rug. I could get in and out without him trying to join me, with his clothes on. The kid really loved water.
But the idea of getting up felt harder than it was. Gotta love depression. Fucks with us all. Although some deny it. I don't think anyone is immune to the darkness that can take a person over when things get to tough to handle.
I lost my car, my side jobs, and my chance at love all within two weeks.
What else would I lose? I glanced at my toddler and shook my head. No way in hell. Over my dead body. I swore in my head. That kid was the reason I was still breathing. Everything I did was for him. Without him, I'd succumb to the pain that was trying to overtake me. There wasn't anything else I could do.
So, with that in mind, I pulled myself out of bed and walked into my bathroom.
I took a deep breath and turned the water to scalding. It was going to take some heat to burn away the bad feelings I had surrounding my heart.