Sterling
I followed my grandfather down the hall. I already know what's coming and I deserve every bit of it. I was so cold back there, probably a little too cold but I felt it was necessary to get my point across.
"You know that wasn't right." He commented the moment we were out of earshot from anyone else.
I attempted to continue to play it off. "Is it a crime to not want to have any children? Because the last time I checked, a lot of people are doing it nowadays."
"No, it's not a crime." His tone was tinged with annoyance as I continued to play off my actions. "But you should sit down and think it through with your partner in private so you can come to an agreement."
"Doesn't matter." I shrugged it off casually. "If I don't want a baby then I won't have one. It's as simple as that."
"What has gotten into you?" My grandfather asked, the look on his face made it obvious he's fed up with me. "This is not the time nor the place for this kind of behavior Sterling. Especially toward someone you claim to love."
"I know." I exhaled a low breath as I shoved my hands into my pockets.
My grandfather decided to push a little harder. "So, what is it? What's causing you to lash out like this?"
My eyes glanced down to the ground. "I don't know."
"Don't lie to me." His words were stern as he saw right through my act. "You're just like your father, you like to be hard headed and stubborn when you're afraid of something."
I'm nervous to come clean about the real reason. I haven't told a single soul about the fear I've developed. I feel like it would be one thing if I hadn't been around when Scarlett was born. The fact this developed later in my life makes me feel… it makes me feel weak.
"Sterling." He said my name, pressing me again to answer. "There's something on your mind, talk to me about it."
If there is anyone who might understand it is him. He did lose my grandmother unexpectedly, so he should get why I chose to act the way I did.
"Every time I think about a baby being born…" My voice trailed off as I felt a lump in my throat. I forced it down and continued to explain myself to him. "It reminds me that I took my mother's life by being born. So right now, I'm freaked out."
He began to relax as he took my words into account. "And you're stressing out about Kaydence?"
"Yes." My voice cracked as the cold exterior from before crumbled and my emotions began to surface. "What if something happens to her in there? What if she doesn't make it? What will happen to us?"
"She's going to be just fine." He looked seriously into my eyes. "Dr. Hyde is one of the best in the business. She's had no complications during the pregnancy and she hasn't had any in labor. I know it's a lot easier said than done, but try to relax. Kaydence will be just fine, especially with your father in the delivery room."
"Right." A faint chuckle rumbled my chest. "He'd probably burn the world down if anything were to happen to her."
"Exactly." My grandfather agreed. "While Kaydence will be okay, the one who was hurt back there was Isabelle from your comments. Your fear doesn't excuse how cold you were to her."
"I know." A defeated breath left my body. "Having children with Isabelle hadn't crossed my mind until Scarlett made her remark. After that, my mind immediately went to the thought of losing Isabelle like my mom."
"Have you talked to Isabelle about this?" He questioned me.
"No." I shook my head. "I haven't told anyone about all of this until now. I know I did lash out back there, but it's only because I'm trying to protect Isabelle in the future. I've already lost her more than once in my lifetime, death just happens to be a permanent way that I wouldn't be able to fix."
"Sterling." His eyes hardened, he may understand but he's not going to sit by and justify the fact I acted shitty. "Your mother's complications were known to her, she could have taken the steps to end the pregnancy but she chose you. She wanted to give you a life, she wouldn't want you to be living in fear because of what happened to her while also hurting the ones you love."
I know he's right.
Everything I've ever heard about her backs it up. From what I know about my mom, she was kind and had a good heart. I can imagine she'd want me to have the same kindness and she'd be disappointed in my actions right now.
"You need to explain this to Isabelle." He spoke after I had remained silent. "Having children is a joint decision between the two of you. Things like this can end relationships, you need to consider your actions before lashing out like this again."
"I know." I huffed in defeat.
To be honest, I had acted in the moment and I didn't even think about the consequences. If she wants kids my response could drive her away from me all over again. I have to be careful because if I'm not, my words will be my own undoing.
I feel my grandfather's eyes study me for a moment longer. "I'm scheduling an appointment with a doctor for you."
My brows furrowed together. "What? Why?"
"Because you've had a habit of acting on impulse or lashing out." He explained. "There are only two others in our family that have had that problem, your aunt who's in a mental ward and your cousin who almost killed Kaydence out of an impulsive decision."
He's worried that I'm bipolar like Justin and Ava. While I don't think my actions are that bad, if he has cause to be worried about then I must not be handling things as well I had thought.
"Okay." I nodded. If it is something that I may have, then I need to know so I can get things under control.
"Let's go back into the waiting room." He looked at the clock and realized how long it's been. "Remember, it's better to talk to Isabelle sooner rather than later."
"I know." I nodded as I followed him back to the room.
As we entered I noticed Kaydence's mom and her husband had arrived, they both were talking to Isabelle and Scarlett. I went over and gave them a hug but I didn't get further than that as my father came through the doors.
There was a smile on his lips as he made his announcement. "Samuel's here."