The next morning, I am released from the institute with brand-new fresh technology. They bid me farewell, I am cheerful.
I decided to test it out loud by bringing the technology up to my eyes.
Suddenly I hear.
[You are seeing a bright tree with ugly branches branching out. The tree leaves are brown, orange, yellow, red. Most of the red leaves are on the ground.]
"Wonderful," I say as I can feel people looking at me which I ignore.
I cautiously skip forward, as I didn't want to bump into someone.
[Turn right]
I listen, and surprisingly I do not bump into a single person. I brighten up and continue to follow the artificial intelligence voice.
[Swerve towards left]
[Pause]
[Skip 4 steps forward then pause]
Suddenly, I hear.
"Miss, you have beautiful eyes." Someone says.
I tilt my head towards the direction of the voice.
[A shiny bald man with an unshaven beard, ragged eyes and appears to not be happy. Appears to be an robber]
Then I remember, no...
I never forgot.
My goal was to find sadness.
I listen to the technology as I try to run up to him. I instantly bombard him with dozens of questions on being emotional, hoping that this man can lead me to my goal.
[The man smiles]
He smiles as he replies with "Sadness can only truly be found on the Forbidden Web." Then proceeds to hand me a slip of parchment paper.
He walks away.
Confused, I chase after him.
"Hey wait up, don't forget about me," I say as I chase after that man.
One of the Nepam Department of Safety blocks my way.
"Ma'm are you alright, the institute said to watch out for you because your blind," the safety officer says.
I wish he didn't mention my condition.
"Did you see where that guy went," I ask the police officer? My voice sounding hopeful.
"Oh that man, thanks for pointing him out, we were trying to catch that man for robbing the jewelry store," he soothingly replies.
Listening to that, I think its better to fret over that. He thanks me but I thank him back.
"Mah names, Beary," he says handing me another parchment paper this time with his phone number. He says this charmingly, the robot describes him as handsome, cute, and rates it having 95% compatibility towards one and another.
"For Nepam, and for the glory of this Country," he chants as he politely salutes towards the skies and waves goodbye.
When I get to my home, I get ready. I change into a bright hot pink style sweatshirt with loose leggings. I sit down at my work table.
It's messy but organized at the same time. The type of desk where you look at and you know where everything is but others think it is messy.
There's the pencil case on one side filled to the brim with fluorescent neon pencils and a highlighter. Towards the left, I have lotion brewed matcha coffee. Finally in the middle is Nepam's Galaxy Pro Computer.
The nearest edition.
I ask my newfound technology and ask it to read the URL link out loud.
[It reads w-w-w-.-d-c-h-u-n-g-u-s-7-3-2-9-1-0-p-e-n-i-z-.-n-e-p-a-m]
I quickly type the digits in, my typing speed is quick and I very fluent with my keyboard layout making it quite easy to type the URL link despite blind.
I am very nervous. The forbidden website is the only website that Nepam hasn't gotten rid of. Honestly, I wish I thought of that earlier. The nervousness is washed away by the matcha coffee as I ask the AI to read what it says on the website.
[The website shows a button towards left labeled 'Illegal', the second button reads "Sadness". The background is completely white.]
Under the technology guide, I click the sadness button. I await what it says. Taking another swig of the coffee I click on it.
[In order to be sad, here's one thing you must do. 1. Go to the kitchen get a nice sharp pointy knife. Take it, and bring it to your hand. Chop it off.]
What?
I completely dumbfounded by what I see. Did it just ask me to do the unthinkable? First I am blind and now I'm going to be crippled. Is this a sick joke?
I ask the technology to reread.
He rereads it confirming what I just heard.
But my true thoughts get the best of me.
I push my white chair with a pink fluffy cover to the side and go to the kitchen. I go to my kitchen which is approximately 5 meters away under the robot's guidance.
I grab the nearest knife, a knife with an orange handle. It's a knife for cutting meat. Butchering meat.
Plop
I plop on the floor and bring it to my arm.
It's trembling. My arm is trembling. The part of me who warning me what's going to happen next.
Closer, I bring the knife to my arm, it's shaking almost violently.
I must do it.
For my goal.
For my goal.
For my goal.
FOR.
MY.
GOAL.
Blood gushes out of my arm as I cleanly butcher my arm.
I am not mad, I just need what I can to accomplish my goal.