"Ma, nakauwi na po ako," I told once I get in sa bahay. Nasanay na kasi akong laging ganto ang ginagawa ko whenever I'm coming back home from school or galaan.
"Oh, nandyan ka na pala. Aba'y kumain ka na ba? Kain ka muna bago ka gumawa ng assignment sa tindahan" Mama told me habang inaayos nya ang lamesa. Though busog pa ako, I still sat there with her in the dining table after kong ibaba ang bag sa sofa. I don't want her to eat her meals alone again. Dinner na lang yung time na nagkakaharap kami at sabay na kumakain.
"Kamusta naman ang pag-aaral, Joana?" tanong nya sa akin pagkaupo na kinalunok ko naman.
"Ayos lang naman po, marami lang pong gawain kasi graduating na po" I replied and went to sip some soup that she prepared.
"Mabuti naman. Pagbutihan mo ang pag-aaral ha, iyan lang ang mapapamana ko sa'yo"
Napaisip naman ako sa sinabi niya. I wasn't really feeling the atmosphere at home. I feel... pressured. Dito sa bahay, sa halip na mahanap ko ang pahinga ko ay mas napapagod pa ako sa kakaisip ng mga bagay-bagay.
We just ate there in silence. No more conversations with Mama kasi hindi naman kami ganoon ka-close like other girls na ang turing sa kanilang mga nanay ay parang kaibigan lang. Even though, I don't resent my mom for being like that. Cold and a little distant. I know she really love me. And I am also grateful for her existence as she is the reason why I'm here. If she hasn't chose me, what would her life would look like kaya?
"Ma, ako na ang mag-uurong" bilin ko sa kanya nang matapos kaming kumain.
"Sige, Joana, at mauuna na ako sa kwarto ko. Napagod ako sa kababantay kanina sa tindahan at sa labada nila Aling Ising. Kapagka't ano ay bantayan mo ang tindahan at magsara ka na kapag pumatak na ang alas-onse."bilin pa niya na akin rin namang susundin. Pagkatayo naman niya ay kaagad ko nang sinimulan ang pagliligpit sa mga plato at inilagay muna sa banggera. I would change my clothes to pambahay muna before doing these tasks and start my readings sa PerDev about Erik Erikson's stages of psychosocial development which is really, a boring stuff for me pero anong magagawa ko kundi basahin pa rin or else my grades would suffer.
After changing my clothes, I went for my backpack na nilagay ko kanina sa sofa to get my books and placed it sa table para hahablutin ko na lang mamaya and started washing the dishes.
"Nanghihinayang, Nanghihinayang ang puso ko. Sa piling ko'y lumuha ka lang, nasaktan lamang kita~" I sang in a low volume, takot na magising ko si mama sa ginagawa ko. I then immediately brushed off singing and finished the dishes at nagbantay na sa tindahan. This would be a very long night.
Waking up the next day ng 4:00 in the morning, I still feel tired and wanted to sleep more kaso ay may klase kami ng 6:30 which is really bothersome to the most of us. Halos pipisok-pisok pa ako nang bumangon ako at naupo na muna sa sofa.
"Kain na Joana" I heard mama calling me. My eyes are still closed, medyo mahapdi pa nga kasi medyo nasobrahan ako sa pagbabasa kagabi. And to tell people that the book I was reading wasn't school-related would've shocked them most especially my friends.
"Kumain ka na at alas-singko na" ring ko pang dugtong ni mama kaya naman napadilat kaagad ako ng mata at na patingin bigla sa orasan malapit sa ref beside the sink.
"Ma naman eh" I darted her a jokingly deadly look that she just shrugged away.
"Sige na ikaw na bahala maghanda ng mga gamit mo diyan. Aasikasuhin ko muna iyong order ni Manang Delia at mamaya na ang deliver non. At tsaka iyong bago nating business, ilalakad ko pa yung mga papeles at gagabihin ako ng uwi. Baka si Gina na muna ang magbantay sa tindahan maghapon," bilin pa nito and then she bid me goodbye and went to the store to grab her necessities for the day. Naiwan na naman ako sa kusina kung kaya't nag simula na akong kumain. It's just a simple breakfast, pandesal, peanut butter and a cup of milk. I wasn't drinking coffee early in the morning dahil baka literal na maaga ako sa kabilang buhay.
After eating silently, I washed the dishes and went for a bath. I dressed myself in a brown high-waisted sailor pants along with a portrait necked avocado green blouse for school. I decided to wear something good today since it's Friday and we'll probably hang out somewhere near school besides hindi naman required na naka-uniform every Friday since it's our washday.
Nami.island: may assignment ba tayo na ipapasa ngayon? Baka mamaya maghabol ako hahaha
I almost giggle when I saw Nami's chat to me nang makasakay na ako sa jeep. Buti na nga lang ay napigilan ko kung hindi ay iisipin ng ibang mga nakasakay sa jeep na baliw ako. It was just 5:45 but here I am on my to school. Ayaw na ayaw ko kasing nale-late and I really hate tardy people that's why lagi akong banas kapag may group works kasi naman iyong mga ka grupo ko ay laging late or tinatamad to do the task kaya I prefer working and studying alone.
WalangJoe.wa: No assignments to be submitted today, just a quiz lang sa FABM2
After sending my reply para di na sya mabahala pa, I kept my phone to my pocket and look at my right side, sa may bandang bintana. Madilim pa sa labas but the sun is already trying to peak, ready to show its glory soon. Pinagmasdan ko muna ang kapaligiran while I'm inside the jeepney near it's window. Hindi pa masyadong mausok ang simoy ng hangin kapag ganto pa kaaga dito sa probinsya namin but mamayang mga tanghali at hapon at paniguradong buhol-buhol ang trapiko and the air would feel polluted. Being kinda relaxed for a moment, I savour this little times I am with myself, alone but not lonely.
Kaagad na akong bumaba ng jeep nang mapansin kong nasa kanto na kami ng school ko. I would still walk for another 5 minutes mula dito sa kanto ng highway to the school pero keri pa naman kasi meron pa akong mga 45 minutes bago mag-start ang klase ko. I was even thinking of grabbing a cup of hot choco sa cafe before going to my class to regain some energy. I don't want to fall asleep pa naman sa klase most especially Perdev subject because it really tackles the most lessons ever plus andaming review-hin sa subject na yon para sa exam. Pa-major subject kumbaga.
"Joe!" I heard someone called me which made me startled a little bit. Maaga pa kasi at malakas ang pag kakatawa sa akin kaya naman kaagad naman akong napalingon sa pinaggalingan ng boses na iyon.
"Dana, ikaw lang pala iyan Raine" relieved, I replied. Dahil mas nauna akong mag lakad sa kanya at nasa mahigit tatlong dipa ang layo nya sa akin ay huminto muna ako para hintayin sya.
"Aga natin ngayon ah" I heard her commented nang makaabot na siya sa akin. I then looked at her fixing her glasses na nagulo when she ran from the distance we have between us kanina.
"Hmmm... You always knew that fact na ayaw ko ng mga late sa klase" I just reasoned out, slightly spacing out after saying those as I kept thinking of the topics that I've read last night. Mahirap na kasi baka malimot ko iyon mamaya, it would take a toll to my grades dahil mas matimbang pa yung scores ko sa mga quizzes than the prelims.
"Sabi mo ey. Oi, may thirty minutes pa pala tayo, samahan mo muna ako bumili ng coffee mamsh. Medyo inaantok pa ako eh" aya nya sa akin. Napatitig naman tuloy ako sa kanya and saw dark circles under her eyes which indicates na nag puyat rin ito kagabi.
"Sa kahapon ulit?" I asked shyly. Iyon lang kasi ang alam kong authentic cafe around our area, puro kasi milktea shops ang businesses around the school. I also felt my cheeks burned a little, remembering what I've read dun sa note na nakalagay sa macaroon and how I reacted.
"Yeah, kaso hindi shift ni Kuya Uno ngayon eh, alam ko pang-hapon ata sya," she told me na medyo kinadismaya ko.
Wait, bakit naman ako madidismaya? Because I won't see his face to be inspired for the whole day? Nah, not that one naman siguro. If he knew what I was thinking ay tataas na naman ang confidence ng lalaki ng iyon. Hindi ba dapat sa halip na madismaya ako ay mas makahinga ako ng maluwag because I don't know how I'm gonna face him. I could still even remember how I catch him looking at our table everytime na nililingon ko sya sa pwesto nya and he would catch me too. In the end, I left the cafe flustered carrying my strawberry latte and the macarons earlier than my friends without even tasting the cake. Nanghihinayang pa rin ako up 'til now how I wasn't able to taste to those sweet delights na libre ni Kris, fav ko pa naman yung oreo cake.
"Hey, ano? Sasamahan mo ba ako?" Raine even snapped fingers in front of me para medyo matauhan ako at maalis sa malalim na pag-iisip sa nangyari kahapon.
"Okay"
Kaagad naman kaming lumiko to the left towards the cafe when we reached the street corner towards it.
When we entered the cafe, I noticed that unlike yesterday, mas tahimik ang cafe ngayon and konti lang ang tao dahil siguro maaga pa. There are only 2 customers there nang maka pasok kami, both having a conversation in the corner. There was even another staff greeted us from the counter and there was some guy organizing the cups. Raine on the other hand ordered all the way without delay para hindi rin kami malate. As she was minding her own business here, iginala ko naman ulit ang mata ko sa cafe, observing its interior designs. Humahanga pa rin ako sa nag-design nito, as it really appeals to my taste most especially sa color palatte. I'm so happy na there's already a place na pwede kong pagtambayan that just fits my vibes kahit na hindi ako talaga umiinom ng kape.
"Joe, tara na" Raine called me which amazes me as the coffee was even served to her in a take out cup as soon as possible, only taking mga 7 minutes lang. Kaagad naman akong lumapit sa kanya, realizing na medyo nalayo ako sa kanya while admiring the place. I smelled that aroma of the caffeine which is a little wake up call for me, ambango. Too bad that I don't like the taste of coffee, ampait kasi.
As we are ready to leave the cafe, the man from yesterday came in which made me flustered again. I really don't get why I'm feeling this samantalang napakaikli lang naman ng interaction namin kahapon.
"Hey, Wave, may naiwan ba akong susi dyan, yung may key chain ng Baler?" I even heard him asked bago kami tuluyang makalabas. I haven't heard their conversation anymore kasi sumara na ang glass door but here I am, hirap na hirap kumbinsihin ang sarili ko na huwag syang lingunin at titigan gaya ng ginawa ko kahapon na medyo kinapahiya ko lang naman. How annoying that I don't know how to face him again.
"Ang pogi talaga ni Kuya Uno no?" Raine asked me again, nudging mena kinatango ko as I was medyo tuliro pa.
"So agree kang pogi nga sya? Nako, yung mga friends din nya is oh so good looking din like him, lalo na si Singko susko, may papandesal not only six but eight" kwento pa nya sa akin with matching hand gestures ng number six at eight which made me chuckle. She then proceeded saying various things about Dos, Singko and such but I really wasn't paying attention anymore as it already drifted back to the person who just went inside the cafe.
"Raine!" I heard someone called my friend which caught my attention back again.
"Oy Sais, kamusta?" Raine greeted doon sa lalaking naka tayo malapit sa pulang kotse na naka-park sa tapat ng cafe.
"Eto, igop pa rin. Eh ikaw, miss mo na ba si Singko?" may halong pang-aasar pa nito sa kaibigan ko at tumawa nang mahina which is a turn on for me. Ang gwapo kasi tumawa, nakakarupok lang. But then I was quick to shift my attention to the ground again, trying not to be nosy, giving them some privacy.
"Do you think my friend's awesome and good-looking?" I heard someone asked behind my back kung kaya't napalingon ako. Kaagad naman akong napaatras nang makita kong napakalapit niya sa akin, just inches away from me na medyo kinalaki pa ng mata ko.
"Cat got your tongue eh?" biro pa nito sa akin at tumawa. Hindi ko naman alam ang gagawin ko or sasabihin ko sa tanong nya. If I'm gonna tell him na yes, gwapo ang kaibigan nya, it means I'm more of a visual person but pag sinabi ko namang hindi, mukha akong sinungaling. Most of all, I was distracted by his laugh, probably because it sounded na iyong parang naglilinis ka ng salamin, a windshield laughter type.
"Sorry sya, just like what I've told you yesterday sa note, if you're gonna rate men, he's just an eight but I'm a perfect ten," he also added na kinapula ko lalo. Hindi ko naman alam kung bakit kasi parang ako pa yung nahihiya sa taas ng confidence nya.
"Hoy Uno, nakuha mo na ba?" I heard the man talking to Raine asked him kaya medyo nakahinga ako nang maluwag kasi nabaling na rin iyong atensyon niya sa kaibigan niya. Meron pa ata kasing idadagdag na kahambugan ito kung sakaling hindi ito tinawag.
"Yeah, got it already" he replied showing the keys. Halos manlaki naman iyong mga mata ko nang makita kung gaano ka daming susi iyong hawak niya na naka attach sa isang surfing board key chain. Like paano kung nawala niya iyon? It would be too bothersome.
"Joe, Tara na, 12 minutes na lang bago mag-time" I heard Raine told me na medyo kinapanick ko kahit naman na mara rating namin ang school in less than 10 minutes. I was even calculating how many steps in a minute I could do para lang hindi ma-late yet the problem is ayokong pagpawisan, early in the morning.
"Sa SJA din ba punta ninyo? Sabay na kayo samin" I heard the Sais guys offered kaya tinanggap na ni Raine, probably tinatamad na ring maglakad.
"Salamat, tara na Joe" aya nito sa akin habang hinihila ako papalapit sa kotse. Halos maningkit naman ang mata ko nang sa passenger seat nya ako pinapaupo.
"Bakit dito ako?" bulong ko pa sa kanya, trying na kumawala sa pagkakahawak niya sa blouse ko.
"Bet mo kasi si Kuya Uno. You'll thank me afterwards" she replied with a smile at sumakay na sa backseat. Ang supportive naman ng kaibigan ko.
Uno then got in the car and started the engine. Sa sobrang paninigas ko ata at hindi pag galaw ay hindi ko man din namalayan na nakasakay na iyong Sais sa likod. Raine was even talking to him which left me and Uno quietly sitted as he was driving the car.
I wanted to bit my lower lips, a habit of mine kapag kinakabahan at tensyonado. I already overcame this habit of mine but heto, bumabalik na naman just because of some guy.
Napatingin naman ako sa katabi ko at natulala. Hindi ko alam pero bigla akong na-blangko at mas na blangko when he asked, "Masarap ba?"