From the next day my regular study lessons began, Clarise would tuition me for 8 hours daily, the topics were pretty straightforward; I had to learn common sense and politics.
4 months passed by in a flash, nothing but study. sleep. repeat, only a few hours spent elsewhere.
After Four horrid months, my subjects were switched to Military planning and strategic decision making.
I was excited on day one, but It was the same...no...it was worse, I had to keep count of units and supplement unit sizes on the possibility of damage taken.
My different troops had different points, Different enemies had different negative points. The terrain had its own positive or negative points based on which team it favors.
And no... points weren't written on a chart.
Yes, I had to memorize them all, thousands of different troops points, what was the point of all this? No one has numbers on their forehead anyways.
Nevertheless, Clarise's stern glare made me reluctantly comply. Someday I'll take revenge for this cruelty.
After the first one, no meeting was called, I did not know if the war had started, Clarise did not answer my questions.
What was even happening? were the higard defeated? or are they still advancing?
"Clarise do you love me?" I asked giving Clarise a point-blank stare.
"More than anything" She replied without so much as giving it a thought.
"Am I your Queen?" This time I asked a different question.
"Yes you are, my life is yours" She replied, slightly confused as to where this was going.
"Then why do you hurt me so?" I spoke feigning pain in my heart.
She immediately went round-eyed. Her spider body's eight legs tip-tapped the marble floor.
"What have I done to hurt you zini?" She asked, her beautiful golden eyes twisted in horror.
Well, it wasn't that big a deal I just wanted her to cut me some slack and let me bunk a few classes... now... how do I face those eyes?... The answer is simple; I can't.
"It's nothing, hahaha...I was just joking! see" I say trying to comfort her.
"I-I'm sorry Zini if I hurt you, it was never my intention, I-I'm only trying to make you strong...strong enough to not need me." She reveals avoiding my gaze.
Not need her? Did she finally short circuit? Does she think I'm getting emotionally invested in her just to "Not need her"? Well...this does make my eye twitch.
"You foolish woman, I'm your Queen, your life belongs to me, You belong to me, your body, your soul, your love, It.Is.Mine. All of it, let me decide what I want and what I don't."
She stays silent. Wide-eyed, mouth agape. Never mind her, even I'm shocked at myself, of course, I was angry...But how the hell did my foolish mind think up those cool lines?
Not that I mind though, saying what I want out loud feels liberating.
After a few awkward moments, she spoke. "B-But I thought you were only putting up with me... after all, I'm a random woman who claims to be your wife."
"That is...true, I think?" I blurted out.
She lowers her head again not meeting my eyes anymore.
"I was confused and clung to whoever gave me a shoulder. But! that was then and this is now, That random woman who gave me a shoulder wasn't a random woman, It was you Clarise, I wouldn't want anyone else in that role but you." I say, placing my palm on her tear-streaked cheek bringing her head up.
"Now don't cry, I'm feeling guilty already for bringing the conversation down this route."
She sniffles and rubs her cheek against my palm. Cute.
"Yes, Darling...I'm sorry, I was a little insecure, you see...even though I love you I know you don't feel the same, why would you? I'm a stranger."
"Claris-" Before I can speak she places a finger on my lips.
"Let me speak, I don't know if I'll have the courage to ever again." That got me to straighten up and listen.
"Throughout these past 6 months, I have been studying all the time with little to no sleep. So I can teach you better, help you grow. But somewhere along the line, I think I understood... I had gotten ahead of myself" She sighed deeply before continuing.
"I was an abandoned princess, I had nothing, what could I do to help after you've learned what I teach? Maybe you'll receive a tribute, marry her and forget about me. Maybe you will gift me to some other kingdom? or maybe when you get tired of me, you'll divorce me."
"Still...I was happy, at least I had these few months, at least you wouldn't abandon me till I'm useful. I know you've been touching yourself in secret, Am I undesirable? Am I not worthy of this little time?"
After saying her heart to me, she looks into my eyes, searching for disdain. When did the tables turn? Wasn't she the confident one, the one always dominating my being.
Yes, I touched myself, but did she not hear me shout her name?. I was too embarrassed to go to her and say "Please make love to me".
And why would I let someone else have her? Her plump body, those Golden eyes, her sensitive spider belly, and that devoted smile.
Those.Are.Mine. Everything that she is, is mine.
Those who want her, want death as a get one free.
"Zari, Why do you suspect me so? When have I been unfaithful to you? when have I abandoned you? when have I ignored you?" I question her, Especially using the ancient word for the cherished one.
This word was actually used by crejy the 3rd Zanith Queen, she was known to love her wife more than herself. There is actually a 680m tall statue of her wife west of here, maybe I'll make one of Clarise...one day.
"I-I'm Insecure, You do not know the past, your evolution has made you forget, you do not know my origin nor do you know your own" She stops taking a breath before continuing, all the while not meeting my eyes.
"I'm n-nothing."
"No your not" I interrupt her.
"I am; I'm empty, a shell, my love for you is what gives my life purpose, it gives me a reason you live, I want to live so I can be with you but when I wake every morning only to dread if you'll throw me away...I..I" She stops, breaking down in tears.
My heart is throbbing. Why did I not notice those insecurities behind her beautiful smile? why did I not notice that desperation hiding behind her melodious voice?
Am I truly worthy to possess her? To have her as mine? This beautiful creature, do I really deserve her?
I truly do not know the answer, but when I think of not seeing her in my bed when I wake...It makes me lose my mind, makes me desperate, makes me hunger.
"Zari I am the one not worthy of you, you are a blessing on my wretch soul, I should let you go, let you be with someone better. But I shan't, for I am selfish. For I am possessive" I tell her.
She stays silent and I continue "I truly am pathetic to not understand you, to not even bother trying to unveil your insecurities, I acknowledge my failure as your lover. As my punishment and redemption, I shall do a spark pledge"
"No Zini don't! I'm not worth that much! I have 1600 sisters, some of them even resemble me, most are even prettier than me!" She shouts startled by my announcement.
She still doesn't get it...
Anyways... a spark pledge is a big deal, only 2 queens have ever done it, it is said that if a spark pledge is broken, spark attacks starting working both ways, the enemy and the user both get hit equally.
I won't make a foolish pledge about protecting her, because if she dies then I want to have my powers to destroy worlds.
"I...., what is my name?" I ask, how embarrassing why did I forget?
"No don't! you don't have to do it! stop! I'm fine, I won't be insecure again so stop it!" She screamed visibly panicking.
"Name?" I repeat glaring at her, she meets my glare and stops clanking her spider legs.
"Its... Veqty Quantzhui" She answers reluctantly.
"I Veqty Quantzhui pledge my spark to Clarise Quantzhui. Hereby I pledge my eternal love to Clarise Quantzhui never to abandon, never to love another, If I dare; my spark is my punisher. Rend my flesh with proof of my oath!"
As I finished my pledge, ropes of Lightning assaulted my chest from too many angles to count. It was hell, but I knew deep down; it was worth it.
These past six months have been stressful for me, but the thought of Clarise kissing my lips and cherishing me was enough to give me courage.
I think when you feel that way towards someone they are the one for you. Even if one day she dies, I refuse to be one of those people who go for the next best thing, she is perfect, after heaven why visit Norid.
"Zini why did you do it...your spark...it is a Queen's strongest ability, I had made you learn that didn't I? It is really important" Clarise says unmoving.
"You're just as important," I say before continuing "Now Zari...Why don't we make love?" shifting my carapace I stand naked in front of her.
"I-I...I mean of course!" She says quickly eyeing my naked body, I just hope she regains her confidence soon, I can't wait to be dominated.