The two boys sat in front of my desk, with that look only teenage petulancy can really bring up. One of them was staring through the window as if he would trigger and shot right through it at any second while the second one averted his gaze to the ground with a frown as if it had personally wronged him.
"So, would one of you two explain to me why you're here?" A great opening line as any, I still had to see the day any of the kids actually answered that one. Undaunted by their newfound stoicism, I continued; "Well, I´ll start by saying what was told to me, so correct me if I'm wrong but..." as I said that, I took the form that was passed to me from the director office and started reading it to them. "Mr. Igor and Mr. Adrian were found fighting in school grounds after one student informed the office of their organization of a fight club. It was informed to us that the intention of such was to fight till one of them triggered. They were advertising and roping in other students for their, claimed, infallible solution."
"Who was it?" Igor said, looking up from the ground briefly before resuming his stare competition with the tiles.
"Pardon?" I said knowing already. I glanced at the other boy, Adrian, to gauge his reaction. He was still passively staring out the window, as if the conversation wasn't about him.
"Who fucking told on us?" Igor heatedly clarified, looking at me with his arms crossed, Adrian also came back to the events inside the room.
"Well, I can't really tell you that, as you should know. And even if I could, I wouldn't feel inclined to do so." The boy opened his mouth to continue his protest, but now that I had their attention, I should probably get the sermon out of the way. "And you two should be thanking this random person. What you two probably don't realize is the danger you two put, not just yourselves in, but all the other gathered students. Even if an event happened, as unlikely as it is, it would just have been a tragedy. What did you think? That a trigger in the middle of a fight would be a pacific thing? Whoever of you that triggered wouldn't simply hurt the other. You'd kill them."
I stopped my rant to breathe a little, and the boys seemed sufficiently meeker. I sighed, settling in more in my chair and giving a bit of breathing room on the tension. "Seriously! Kids these days. You two could be fined for trying this kind of thing. I won't put your names on the line as this is a first offence but if I catch sight of this again, there's no more chances. No matter what you read on the internet, purposeful triggering is just unlikely. The random anecdotes you see are just lies, or exceptions." I stared at them to make the point clear, the kids deflating a bit, probably losing hope to trigger. Should probably give the carrot now.
"You two are still young, and these next years are the most likely to make you trigger, if you want to do it fighting enter some competitive sports or martial arts dojo, the stress you´re trying to give yourself can be done in that way, and it wouldn't be illegal". They were, as expected, completely surprised by my suggestion. Didn't think the counselor would help them, huh. "Hah, I've been there kids. How do you think I ended up in this position? But anyway, do some sports put everything you can into it. The more adrenaline, the best. Some studies show that extreme sports cause up to a ten percent increase in likelihood of a trigger event."
The look of contemplation on their face was the visage of a job well done. "Yes, yes. Now I'll need your signatures. And don't go making high school illegal fight rings again. Understood? Let's do it quick so you can go choose a sport, I guess. Did you know that our school has a taekwondo club?
Today I only had a half day at the office. Most days I had nothing to do, so I worked on my journal, on what to do on the next experiments or spent time on the forums. It never ceased to amuse me the irony of my job, the hypocrisy I put myself through every day, counseling kids in how not to try and awaken. Although most of the time I just walked them on the rules and regulations and put them on the city schedule to train their new powers. Just the normalcy nowadays, a normalcy I've wished for every day since it became possible.
The door for my office opened, interrupting me from my thoughts. "Hey Joseph, finished for the day? We were thinking of going to grab a beer. You know, to celebrate."
"Hah, I'm an old man, Ben. What is there to celebrate."
"Come on man, don't beat yourself up like that. You still have a long way to go." Benjamin, or Ben as I called him, is a coworker of mine, since I started here at the academy. The guy has a complete optimist view on almost everything. A history teacher married and with kids, always trying to rope me on his lifestyle. "You're still only on your thirties. Are you sure you don't want me to introduce you to those ladies I told you? It would do you good with all your gloominess."
"No. I've told you, I'm too busy already I don't need extra work on my life."
"Always with these excuses. It's no extra work at all. It's what brings meaning to stuff, but I won't bore you with this stuff today. So, you down to those beers tonight?"
I can't lie that I considered it. My birthday always made me a bit down, and a night with some friends would be a distraction, even if it's not some deep friendship like Ben thinks it is. It would be good, but no." Sorry Ben, already planned some other stuff".
He seemed surprised at this, as it would be normal, considering I never really had plans, he gave me a sly grin. "Finally trying out the dating scene? The loneliness caught up to you?" I just gave him a blank stare, he answered with a big guffaw:
"Of course not, not that it'd do you any good, with that beard and this caveman hair."
"What are you talking about my hair? It makes me stylish! A complete, proper professor look."
"If what you're going for is a mad scientist." Again, he laughed at his own joke. I smiled with him, it was always good to be around him, for some relaxing fun. He just didn't know how right he was.
"It gathers respect from the kids" I said, collecting my stuff and getting up to go. Ben held the door open and accompanied me on the way out. We talked a bit more, greeting and accepting the congratulations of the other few people on the teacher's office and in the secretary, throughout the years I had made good friends with the people here, even if I didn't understand how could they be happy with such mundane lifestyle; they were all good folks. Most of these people were even afraid of the idea of getting powers I scoffed internally on the way to my car.
I get it though, they have family and friends tying them down to their lifestyle, if they triggered, they ran the risk of getting 'recruited' by the government and everyone knew what happened to those who refused. I had no such bindings though while they would hope to trigger to a weak power so they could stay with their loved ones I maintained a distance and an isolation so that if, no, when I triggered, I had no qualms about just becoming a fugitive.
Over my dead body that I'd waste my power being a dog for the government. I shook my head, unlocking my car and getting inside.
Thirty-two years, I mulled as I drove through the well-known roads. How many years have I spend in this limbo? Would today be the day? Probably not. I can't even tell if I still have my hopes that high.
Powers came to the world first when I was just twelve. How much time has passed since then? Twenty years. I felt the well-known dread, worming its way through my mind. In those long years I've had to deal with a whole lot of disappointment, the unshakable dread of having what I've always wanted, only just out of my reach. At least nowadays I know how to keep my cool. I touched the familiar scar on my neck with my car parked in my garage, the silence oppressive.
I shook up the melancholy after a while and got out of the car. My house was big for a man living by himself, but for as much as teaching paid way less than it should, for a lonely man who didn't travel, it ended up being a good sum. So, I had this large-ish house in a good neighborhood. The only thing I really cared for was that the extra space allowed for me to have a workshop area for my experiments.
I took off my shoes, left the keys in their usual place and dropped my bag at the couch, loosening my tie and turning on the computer on the way to the kitchen to put my mug on the familiar machine. I took out my cellphone and checked the forum.
Most of it was the usual, 'weekly experiments report' later I'll check it out some of the guys had interesting methodologies.
"I think it's actually impossible. I'll quit" There's always one of these. Just go! Why do they always need to inform everyone.
"Have you guys seen about the kid?" Seems there was a kid who awakened at only 6 years old the last week. There were rumors going around that the government failed in poaching them, as it sure would want. And now, there was a court action for the family to keep custody. That's doomed to fail, the top guys never let power stays out of their grasp. If it wasn't for their tight control information about power would be much more widespread in this shitty country.
Anyway, seems like it's became a bit of a public show, only reason that's probably still ongoing. The only thing the government cares besides powers is their image, Even more so after the recent scandals. I swear there's at least one a week.
"Don't lose hope, guys I had my awakening after 11 years"
This was another common type of post but this one was completely bombing up, that usually meant really good or really bad news. The poster was a known guy, he really was in this forum since before I had entered even. Morning_Tea had an interesting methodology; They are a firm believer in the theory of the soul, that powers are an expression or evolution of it, I didn't believe it, I much preferred to stick to physical means it just seemed more real to me. Anyway, Morning_Tea was always talking about all the meditation he did but also a bunch of hallucinogenics that are told to open a connection to oneself like LSD mushrooms and ayahuasca and it seemed to have worked for him after all. Interesting, that was a line of experiments that I've never gotten to. As I've said I wasn't much of a believer The stress and other active things being much more popular and better researched, although it could be proven valuable considering all I've already tried.
I took my already done coffee and made my way to the computer to read more, the post was really long and seemed to have more interesting stuff to add up.
My expectations were completely overthrown, of all the types of powers to awaken, the guy had come out of it with a meta power, he didn't explain it all but he said that he could induce a trance that would awaken others and was willing to 'share the gift of the awakening'. Well, shit!
I tried to contain my excitement. That could be it, finally. Meta powers were extremely rare, and every time they appeared it wasn't for long, I thought back to the last time I had seen one, the taste of power I had and the shit storm that followed my hand went to the scar unprompted, if I was going to get something it needed to be quick.
I sent my congratulations and requested a dose as well. Me being a long-time member and having interacted with the poster before, I was hoping to get a little ahead on the line. A shame... It was a work day today so I still ended up with a few people on front of me. Tch, no way around it. After surfing and interacting some more, I was full of a newfound hope, it sited like a heavy fog in my mind, and a weight in my stomach. The normally good emotion had been eroded to an almost depressing state, where it just got me anxious, as if constantly in the brink of the letdown that would follow.
My cellphone beeped, the alarm sending a jolt of another kind of nervousness through me. It was time. I got my journal, noting the recent failed experiments and what was in order for today. I wondered the value of still doing today's session with the recent news but decided to do it anyway, commitment is what would get me powers, perseverance. So, I leafed to the planned schedule seen that 'Intermittent electrocution with sensory overload' was the menu for today.
In the past years I've been trying to keep a constant flow of stress in my trials, having given up on the more violent stuff, having barely survived some of the heavier shit. I tried to keep a more chill type of experiments, going for a forced trigger out of constant but different types of stress instead.
I opened the heavy door to the isolated part of my house, my workshop. I walked to the table, the closest thing from the door, where I promptly laid journal on, opening the side of the active notes and inputting the day and time, as well as my mental state. The steps already completely familiar.
Nowadays it was almost just a routine ritual, I thought as I took off the shirt I had worn to work. Hidden under it were lean muscles. My obsession kept me to a tight schedule of exercises and diet, although I tried not to show it overly much, the toll I've put in my body through the years made it so I didn't look that healthy, even having a lifestyle that put some athletes to shame. Well besides the daily torture that is.
Having changed into some comfy trousers. I sit myself in the tart I had for this purpose. Around me I had sirens and big holophotes programmed to make sharp noises and harsh lights, it was absolutely awful, and that was the whole point.
I glued the shocking mechanism to myself, my muscles already tensing in anticipation.
I repeated my mantra in my head, the words that got me through this every single day, every single year. I will obtain power, it will make it all worth it, awaken, awaken, awaken.
I turned it all on. The shock immediately made me double over, my tensing muscles making it impossible to cover my ears from the sound. It wasn't so much painful as I've made it to be completely confusing and overwhelming. Agitating some primal parts of my brain. I could feel the stress as sweat poured from me as the minutes dragged along the pauses between the shocks and lights programed to be random so I couldn't get used to it.
And that was how I spent a good part of my night. Good birthday me, I thought darkly as I laid drooling on the tarp, covered in my fluids. Absolutely disgusting. As always, I'm almost sure I couldn't even process this anymore, being in a state somewhat removed from myself, I just mechanically collected myself from the ground and moved to the installed shower. As the water rushed through me, I just repeated to myself why I do this.
For power; how could I stand living in a world where it was possible, and not even attempt to get it for myself. You see, this isn't something I do every day, it's just two or three times a week. The rest of the time I take care of myself. In my earlier days I did a whole lot of crazy sports and life risking stuff, but as time went on it got progressively more dangerous, it ended up with me almost killing myself. After that, well, some years in therapy almost convinced myself to give it all up.
But I won't give up, I'll have power, I can't die without even trying. All of those people just living their lives day to day. How can they stand it, not even trying to shift the odds even slightly? It's impossible! Other people are doing some crazy shit, while the rest of us are just living like ants. The refreshing fury washing over me was a welcome addition to my wary muscles. I finished my shower and got dressed.
As I was lying down to sleep, I saw the good news Morning_Tea had answered me. In about two weeks I'd get my dose. He promised it had a good chance of working, some fellow sleepwalkers having awakened already. I tried to control my expectations, but it was a long night of staring at the ceiling, just imagining how it would feel, what I'd would get, when I finally awakened.