It was very interesting and almost too hilarious to see Ruben this nervous. He was usually the picture of calmness and had perfect composure. Nothing phased him. Dorian watched as he pranced back and forth in the kitchen and babbled something incomprehensible. About his marriage, about the incident that broke them apart, about the demotion and banishment and the anger that he'd carried for the past two thousand years or so and how unlucky he was to be married to such a harpy.
Occasionally he cursed aloud and called her a bitch but then he slowed down and muttered that he did miss her in some strange way. He was completely bipolar and Dorian allowed him to fume in peace. This was the part of Ruben that very few people saw, this maniac with crazy eyes walking back and forth, his mouth frothing and his hair glowing and shining, filled with spiky needles and sharp claws ready to tear at everything in their part. Eventually, he turned to Dorian again, walked right in front of him, and grabbed his shoulders.
"We've been friends for nearly four hundred years!" Ruben grabbed him and shook him almost violently. "I won't let you choose her over me! Do you hear me! I won't!"
"Calm down!" Dorian pushed his hands away. "What are you talking about? All I've done is talked to her a couple of times. What's the harm in that?"
"You think you know her?" Ruben asked. "You know nothing about her. She appears sweet and innocent but she's anything but. Don't let her calm appearance fool you!"
"Maybe seeing her is not her best idea right now," Dorian muttered. "You'd just end up fighting again and ripping each other to pieces."
"Like you know what's best for me," Ruben moaned. "Hell, you don't even know what's best for you! You weren't there when she cut my head off. Don't you think I have the right to be angry?"
"What was the reason for that?" Dorian remained calm. "For her to take such drastic measures?"
"Who the hell knows?" Ruben grunted. "That's what women are like. They overreact very easily."
"Do they?" Dorian asked and cocked his eyebrow. "She's not just an ordinary woman, you know. If you did something to offend her, maybe she had every right to cut your head off."
"But she should have thought about my hair!" Ruben whined. "Never mind about my head, I can fix that. But my hair is something very sacred to me."
Dorian rolled his eyes and sighed. Why am I even trying at this point? Of course, there's no way to be rational with Ruben. His ideas of fairness are completely different from everyone else's.
"Look," Ruben took a deep breath. "We won't get to the bottom of this if we don't talk to her. If I promise to behave, will you come with me?"
"She was banished, you were demoted and you have been separated for two thousand years," Dorian reminded him. "Are you sure you are allowed to talk to her?"
"We're connected, whether we want it or not," Ruben said. "Tied to each other for an eternity. I get punished, so does she. They demote me, they banish her, can't be helped. I don't really want to talk to her, and I've been avoiding her all this time since she can't move and run after me, but this is too interesting. And you know I won't let anything interesting pass me by. I love riddles. Just to get to the bottom of this, I'm willing to make small sacrifices."
Dorian remained quiet. Then he considered the worst possible outcome and decided that it was ultimately up to those two how they handled themselves. Ruben couldn't die; he was the Escort of death. Virginia couldn't die either; she was the Gatekeeper of the Plains. But if they began fighting like two angry immortal monsters that they were, it could cause serious problems, not just for Ruben but for the whole area. The last thing Dorian wanted was the rush of seismic scientists flooding the town because of unexpected dangerous earthquakes. He didn't really want to draw attention to his little town. It was already flooding with tourists and even that annoyed him. But in the end, he wasn't obligated to protect Ruben from his fierce spouse. And despite his dainty appearance, Ruben was far from defenseless.
"Alright," Dorian finally nodded. "Shall we go then?"
"You have to stay next to me, no matter what," Ruben told him. "She doesn't have the guts to decapitate me in front of you. But...if she does something," Ruben pulled out a small ring from inside his suit pocket. "Use this. It should slow her down until I'm fully functional again."
"What is this then?" Dorian rolled the ring on his palm. It was old and dim, made out of copper and it looked like a worthless piece of garbage. Something you'd get from an Easter egg.
"It's my wedding ring," Ruben said but didn't explain further.
Since Ruben wasn't eager to elaborate, Dorian nodded, smiled and they walked out of the kitchen. In the hallway, he put on some warm clothes. Virginia, the Gatekeeper of the Plains, remained green and luscious despite the time of the year, and Ruben, the Escort of the dead, was comfortable in any climate but to Dorian, it was still January morning. He loved the cold but even he had his limit and he had a feeling that this conversation might take a bit longer than he anticipated.
Before he had the chance to put his warm winter coat on, Ruben grabbed his arm and his hands were cold as ice. Dorian had to shake him off as he trembled. His skin had goosebumps all over. Ruben grinned apologetically when he noticed it. He was very fidgety and nervous when they exited the house and headed to the backyard.
"This feels weird," Ruben rubbed his hands together. "I wasn't expecting it to be this tense. I've been living this scenario in my head thousands of times but I've always been calm and cool and awesome. Way more so than her."
"What's so strange about it? She's your wife, right?" Dorian asked.
"You'd be nervous too if you saw your lover for the first time after hundreds of years!" Ruben shuddered. "Ew. Did I really just say that? Lover? Slap me if I use that word ever again!"
The backyard of Dorian's house was now almost completely overgrown. When Dorian bought this land and this house a few decades ago, the construction workers asked him did he want to have the "hellspawn" in the backyard demolished. He told them to keep their hands off it. And steer clear of its large, tentacle branches. The thick dark green mass enveloped an area of a large field and it towered and circled the walls at the back of his house. His living room windows were clear and visible, but the wall was completely covered, like Sleeping Beauty's castle. Large leaves and vines the size of a grown man's thighs wrapped around each other, moved, undulated, and vibrated. Ruben stared, eyes wide and mouth open. The dark green wall of vegetation was over three meters tall and the biggest outer leaves were covered with sharp spikes and hooks.
"What is the Escort doing here?" a sultry feminine voice drifted through the shrubbery. "Dorian, dear. You actually brought this bastard to meet me?"
"Wow! You've gained weight!" Ruben blurted out. "You weren't this fat the last time I saw you!"
A massive green tentacle swiped out from the bush and wrapped tightly around Ruben's waist. Sharp hooks pierced through his clothes and his body but he didn't seem fazed. He twisted his body and with incredible agility, he slipped through the tight grasp of the vine. He cleared his throat and straightened his clothes. The violet fabric that was torn sewed itself together in no time and soon enough his suit was once again pristine and clean.
"Look, darling. You can rip me to pieces later, I'll even make an appointment for you just for that," Ruben remarked. "But right now I have questions."
"Dorian," the low female voice cooed. "Is there someone else here with us?"
"Very funny! You're so mature, love," Ruben rolled his eyes and turned to Dorian. "You tell her then."
"Virginia," Dorian began. "We have some questions for you. I would appreciate it if you two put your grudges aside for a while. Ruben here tells me, well...he suspects that there's this young man who is apparently born without permission. According to him, this man is what you'd call a devious soul."
"Impossible," Virginia declared. "Don't tell me you actually believe everything this jerk tells you?"
"His parents died on the day he was born!" Ruben claimed. "Then his cat perished when he was six. Yesterday he turned eighteen and I was sent to accompany his adoptive parents. How much more evidence do you need?"
"And you base your accusations on that?" Virginia chuckled. "Ruben, you used to be so much smarter than this. Did the demotion lower your IQ as well as your clearance?"
"You let a corrupted soul pass and be reborn," Ruben gnarled. "I can report this to the Supreme Commander. Do you want to hear what they have to say about this?"
"Report it then and embarrass yourself," Virginia laughed. "Maybe you'll get another demotion. Tell me, dear, how much lower can you sink?"
"You're the one to talk!" Ruben shouted. "It was because of you that I was demoted in the first place!"
"If he's not a devious soul," Dorian hurried to interrupt Ruben's outburst. He did not want to see where this would lead if the Gatekeeper would lose her temper completely. "What is he then?"
"I can't answer that," Virginia said. "But I know the one you're talking about. If he was a devious one, he would have been impaled and absorbed. But he passed without a hitch. One of the purest souls I've ever encountered."
"One of the purest souls?" Dorian muttered. "Why is everyone around him dying? What is he paying for?"
"Maybe you shouldn't think of like that," Virginia suggested.
"What do you mean?" Dorian asked.
"Maybe they weren't good enough for him," Virginia said. "Maybe they were the ones that were punished and he was spared from a great calamity."
"What?" Dorian muttered. "I don't understand..."
"He's not human," Virginia said. "The purest souls are always something more, something else. A fragile mind of a mortal cannot even fathom a creature like that. How do you think a simple human is supposed to raise something so valuable? Even the cleanest of mortals still have evil tendencies."
"They were the ones paying the price?" Dorian asked. "The parents? They...died, because he is what? Too clean for this world? But they loved the boy more than anything else!"
"Even love can sometimes be too suffocating," Virginia said. "When something you've dreamed of finally becomes reality, would you be willing to let go? Would you be willing to give it up? Humans are greedy. They won't let go voluntarily. And if you won't let go, in the end, you will be forced to let go."
"So...what?" Dorian frowned. "It was wrong of them to love their child as much as they did?"
"No," Virginia said. "If it had been their own child, there would have been no problems. But this was not their child. He was not meant for them to begin with. Their child was replaced and holding on to the boy would have only brought misery to their lives."
"They died!" Dorian snapped. "How much more miserable can it get?"
"Have you ever seen a parent who lost their child?" Virginia asked. "Do you know how many of them would gladly die on their child's behalf? Would they rather die and leave before their child? Or would they rather love and adore their child for years and years only see him die an agonizing death as a young adult whose whole life is ahead of him? Ask any parent who is forced to face that, how much more miserable can it get and I believe you have your answer."