I remember clearly warning my heart not to fall in love with you but it turned out that what my mind says it wanted and what my heart wanted were never the same thing so here I am in love with you despite your kindness, your laughter, the joy you bring to me when you smile, the smile in your eyes I guess the only thing I hated about you was the fact that you were too intimate with girls you can say that was the only thing I hated about you when we started dating I thought I will get used to it, I wanted to get used to it so badly but I just couldn't I beg you not to do it in front of me cuz I couldn't get you and I couldn't bear to see it so i decided to avoid it but it seems like luck was never on my side that it turns out that whenever you're doing it I just end up being there and I'll just end up seeing you doing it right in front of me then I'll get hurt then I'll hide it behind the smile and no one will notice or even you, I hid it so well that no one even really notice if I'm hurt because I usually have a smile on my face but I'm quite an emotional person you know sometimes I even wonder how I'm able to hide my feelings, do you know the funny thing my ex boyfriend called me one day after he heard that I was dating he said he didn't call to tell me to make up with him or call to tell me that I should break up with you or anything he said he just wanted to tell me that I should stop hiding behind my smile hiding behind the wheel after trying to hide my pain trying to make making it seem like if I'll be able to Huddersfield and let them know what's wrong with me I should start keeping so many things to myself dating is a neighbour only one person that's it but people didn't I getting to know someone I'm be hiding things will never make the other person get to know me fully but I was so used to keeping things behind my smile that I almost forgot what it felt like to say things to others like saying this is what's bothering me, I'm scared of this, I'm in pain, I'm sick because I smile too much most times when I say it no one believes me they all think I'm saying rubbish, they all think I'm joking, they will think I'm pretending including you but what's there to be afraid of right I'll just keep on hurting behind my smile since it seems like even when I'm trying very hard to know you, you don't know anything about me and I'll keep on trying very hard to know you but if it ever happens that I can't stop you from being intimate with other girls and something happens that I get really hurt I'll just leave because you know I'm kind of scared of getting hurt by someone I really love, like you so my defence mechanism is when I feel like I'll get hurt when I'm feel like I'm about to get hurt I'll just leave I'll go,...