No matter how much Amp tried to fight it, his efforts were for naught. He could only gnash his teeth in rage as the boss used him like a marionette. DudeAssassin's control of Amp was absolute. When their leader started jogging towards the gamers, all the latter could do was stand idly. Their thoughts were in disarray, their minds in clutter.
Some tried thinking of a plan, something that could help them in this mess. But the fact they were up against Amp overcame them. They kept looking at each other, hoping for someone who knew something. The hesitation proved fatal however, as Amp, screaming and pleading, dismembered a fantasy gamer with his gigantic meat cleaver.
The death of their comrade finally jolted the gamers. "Kill him! Kill him now!" Cal yelled. It was now either Amp or them.
A bald gamer in sleek steel armor with the symbol "N7" on it, tried to slash Amp using an obtuse orange holographic blade. Amp easily parried the omniblade to the side, and once an opening appeared, Amp cut his abdomen open from left to right. Another gamer with black spiky hairstyle, leather coat and pants, came to Amp riding a horse-sized yellow bird. As the bird whistled, the leather-wearing prince shot electricity from his hands. But Amp tanked this pathetic attempt and shot the bird with his hand cannon, causing an explosion of feathers. The moment the gamer was flung into the air, Amp caught him like a kebab with his longsword, before chucking his body away like trash. The body crashed on a rock, shattering bones, turning him into a ragdoll.
As Amp wept, he was then beset by a group of hooded assassins. They tried stabbing Amp's joints and weak points with blades sprung forth from their wrists. However, Amp easily dodged their hidden blades, before countering with a spin, smiting them in a tornado of death.
Unbeknowst to DudeAssassin, a female gamer wearing a trucker's cap and chalk-colored tank top, used a futuristic white gun with a glowing blue line at the center to shoot a beam that created a blue portal beside her. She fired another blue beam near DudeAssassin's screen, creating another portal. She them jumped into the first portal and came out of the second one, firing her sawed-off double-barrel shotgun at DudeAssassin as she fell. Her attack proved fruitless, as the bullets had no effect, only earning her a yellow orb to the face courtesy of Amp and his magical staff.
Suddenly, Amp was hit by a nitrogen-powered red sports car, specifically a McLaren P1 '14. The driver howled as she dragged Amp's body away before slamming him and the car on the face of a fallen-down skyscraper. The gamer's sacrifice caused a fiery explosion engulfing a quarter of a city block.
"Oh!" DudeAssassin yelled. "Okay… didn't see that one coming!"
Charlie and Catherine were busy taking care of GI. The otaku girl was conscious though a bit beaten up. Her painful exhales and uncontrollable jitterings meant she blamed herself for this. DudeAssassin clapped his palms and cracked his fingers. He was just getting started. "Don't worry my Dude Army," he said to his audience. "I got me this DLC called 'Keys to the City' which might even the odds. Shout out to my pal username Nihilion for sending me this. Thanks dude! You're the best!"
The AI typed something, which then caused Gamer's Den to morph and change. It began transforming, seemingly folding each landscape and ruins. The folds turned everything blocky and pixelated. What was more dangerous were monsters who popped up, consisting of rectangular-shaped white skeletal monsters and large black lego-like winged dragons. DudeAssassin ordered his horde to summon pickaxes to remodel Gamer's Den. They erected a long series of stone walls with so much speed and ease, the gamers failed to react in time.
The monsters now had them trapped inside their new blocky maze. The former then charged at the gamers, and the latter responded in kind.
"You guys still remember this?" DudeAssassin asked. "For all the young ones today who might not know what this game is. This is Minecraft boys and girls. The most successful and legendary video game of all time. This game is still famous but did you know it's also old? Like seriously, my dad was already playing this when he was a young little boy!"
"Ah, shit…" Cal remarked, before opening his notebook and writing down something. "We forge the chains we wear in life. A loving heart is the truest wisdom," Cal chanted. "And so may Amp's heart finally breaks the chains that have been–"
Before he could finish, a pixelated green monster landed beside him. It was oddly shaped – no arms, a large square head, thin post for a body, and little blocks as legs. One could mistake such an enemy as either a walking pickle or a living dick. This monster then exploded, sending the literary geek into the air before landing back with a huge thud.
"I had to take him out early," DudeAssassin said. "Pro-gamer move 101, my Dude Army. When it comes to gaming, always take out the guy with the highest level first."
Before the pixelated horde could swarm Cal, a gamer wearing a Viking attire – complete with the round shield, straight sword, fur paddings, and a helmet with ram horns – shielded the literary geek. He shouted, "Fus ro dah!", creating a loud supersonic wave that destroyed several skeletal monsters. However, he was then shot in the knee with an arrow, and before he could retire his adventuring days to become a town guard, a dragon swooped in and gobbled him up.
Everything was turning into a bloody massacre. Amp was gone, Cal's knocked out, and the battlefield was littered by dead and dying gamers. It now fell upon Catherine to save the situation. "Everyone!" the armored geek yelled. "We're getting out of here! Fall back to the portal! But keep firing as you retreat!"
"What about Cal?!" asked Charlie.
"I'll get him out," replied Catherine as American Venom by Woody Jackson and Bill Elm played on the screen.
Catherine rocketed to the sky and fired missiles, creating a barrier of explosions to cover her comrades' escape. She then landed to where Cal was. The literary geek was alive but disoriented, his health bar somehow still 75%. Catherine signaled a group of FPS gamers to cover her as she grabbed Cal. The FPS gamers wore World War II uniforms like those of the USMC with their green turtle helmets and frog patterns, and the Red Army with their winter hats and fur coats. The soldiers unleashed hell from their long-barreled M1 Garands and drum magazine-fed PPSh-41s.
"Come on, GI," Charlie said as he tried to carry her in his arms. Dragons circled around and snapped their jaws, but Charlie incinerated them with red hot lasers from his eyes. One by one the dragons fell from the sky in flames. Charlie had leveled up in his battle with the Harem King, allowing him to unlock a new superpower. His new heat vision proved useful as a long-range attack, something he desperately needed. Charlie could have chosen a more practical power, but he decided to unlock something of style than utility. He now had two of Superman's iconic moves. Once a geek, always a geek.
Charlie then hovered upwards, his eyes red, appearing godlike. The skeletal monsters tried to retreat, but Charlie mercilessly unleashed his heat vision, turning them all into ashes. A whole army had been killed, making Charlie sink back to the ground in exhaustion.
GI meanwhile, glimpsed one remaining dragon diving towards Charlie. "Look out!" she cried, but it was too late as the dragon pinioned Charlie in its teeth, carrying him away.
"Charlie-kun!" GI yelled. She then summoned her monster, Mocchi, to save her friend.
"Mocchi! Charlie needs our help!" GI told her summoned monster. "I need you to use your cannon attack on that ender dragon!"
"Chi!" the monster eagerly said as a yellow beam shot out of its mouth. The black dragon was beheaded from the attack, letting go of Charlie who then tumbled on the earth.
"This bastard dies today," GI said with determination. She then took out a hexagonal blue device – its sides carved off, a green screen in the center, with three buttons dotted on the front. What she was holding was a digivice from Digimon, a tool that could potentially boost the powers and stats of her summons. She then aimed the device at Mocchi and chanted, "Mocchi! Digivolve into–"
DudeAssassin witnessed what she was doing, and so summoned another green explosive monster. The monster dropped near Mocchi before exploding, killing it as GI screamed. "Pro-gamer move 101," DudeAssassin proudly said. "If you're up against an anime character, never, ever, ever! Let her finish saying her special attack. If you can disrupt her kamehamehas or whatever, you practically nullify her attack."
On the other side of the battlefield, Amp was in the process of getting back up. That strike took out much of his life bar though, surviving only because he managed to brace some of it. DudeAssassin delightfully took Amp's reigns once again. "Woah!" DudeAssassin cheered. "Looks like our guy has leveled up! Let's see what new powers we can give him."
To Amp's horror, DudeAssassin wasted it on new cosmetics. The boss started customizing, turning Amp's armor pink, his weapons suddenly sporting red and green camo paint. "Oh, come on!" Amp yelled.
"You don't like it? These things make you look fabulous!" remarked DudeAssassin with a devious smile. "It seems we're getting our ass kicked, Dude Army! I'm sorry if I'll be doing this, but we have to. We're too outgunned."
The boss typed on his keyboard cheat codes from various video games. Some of the codes included: "baguvix", "sv_infinite_ammo", and "greedisgood". To further increase Amp's powers, he also included aim-bots, glitchings, and x-ray vision.
"Hey!" Charlie yelled. "You call yourself a gamer?! You fuckin' cheater!"
"Oh, go cry to Todd Rogers, you noob!" DudeAssassin countered back.
Amp then dashed towards the WWII gamers, beheading one before he could turn his rifle at him. Amp blasted another with his hand cannon. One Russian soldier sent out a burst of submachine gun fire, but it only bounced off Amp's back. Amp turned, his right hand suddenly engulfed in orange flame. The gamers recognized what he was doing; he was going to unleash the Sacred Flame from Dark Souls III. They then panicked and ran, separating in every direction, every gamer for himself. They pushed and trampled, stepped and threw each other. Anything they could do to save their hides, even at the cost of their fellow gamers.
Charlie, GI, Catherine, and Cal had regrouped, but it seemed they too needed to get out of there, lest they suffer the horrible fate. "Guys…" Cal murmured to the others. "Amp and I had planned something we could use in case something like this happened."
"Why didn't you use it?!" Catherine yelled in anger.
"I need a lot of time to do it, and someone who can distract the boss and Amp. It won't work if they see it coming," replied Cal.
"Okay," Charlie said. "We'll distract them so you can do your thing."
Cal crawled down to an ossuary. The odds kept on surmounting, their chances of succeeding now zero. But the gang had no choice, they had to keep fighting.
"It was the best of times; it was the worst of times…" Cal chanted as he laid on his belly. "A man who dares to waste one hour of time has not discovered the value of life…"
Catherine sent out blue repulsor beams from her palms that hit Amp in the chest. It slightly melted Amp's armor but the shell proved durable. To fight back, the gamer summoned a new weapon – a long staff, with three short intersecting lines on top, ablaze. Amp swung, sending a fissure of fire at her. Catherine dodged, but in an instant, Amp appeared in front of her with his burning halberd.
Before Amp could strike, Charlie immobilized him with his Force powers. The Great Idiot came with her Stand, ready to beat him into submission. Before she could do so, DudeAssassin typed something that made Amp phantasmal. GI's attacks only phased through Amp, and Charlie's telekinesis had lost its effects. At high speeds, Amp started floating and moving freely on the 3-dimensional plane. "Na-ah-ah!" DudeAssassin wiggled his finger. "If you think it will be easy. Well, suck on this!"
"No_clip cheat? Seriously?" Charlie said in disgust.
Amp's body flew towards GI, and the girl used her Stand's ability to temporarily stop time to dodge him. Catherine then met Amp with Aric of Dacia's sword, a longsword seemingly made of flames. Their ardent weapons clashed and grinded, sprinkling embers everywhere. The deadlock gave Charlie and GI the opportunity to rush Amp, but again he phased through their attacks.
There was nothing the geeks could do. Charlie blasted Amp on the face with heat vision, but it did nothing. Nor did the punches from GI's Stand could put a dent. They could only hear DudeAssassin laughing on his chair, evident he was just toying with them. "Cheats or no cheats," Charlie said, "there's no way we could beat him!"
Amp finally grabbed Catherine by the throat. He clamped his jaws, his face drained in sorrowful grief, as he gave her one last look of regret. The attack known as the Sacred Flame was unleashed, turning Catherine's body into an inferno. As she burned and screamed, Charlie and GI again attacked Amp to save her.
"Catherine-senpai!" GI cried as her Stand punched and kicked.
"Amp! Please! Snap out of it! Don't do this!" Charlie pleaded as he used his heat vision and lightsaber.
However, it was of no use. Catherine's body dropped – her smooth tanned skin now roasted, her silky black hair no more, her beautiful dark eyes melted, both lungs burned. "Nice! That's one game set for me! It seems I've just killed one of their strongest members, my Dude Army!" DudeAssassin smugly declared. The group chat was then filled with words of congratulations. And as a final act of insult, he said, "Well, it's time for a customary victory dance!"
The body of the weeping Amp was again played with. His hips thrust from left to right, his arms swinging in tandem but in the opposite direction. Amp could not believe he was dancing the Floss from Fortnight, right after killing his long-time comrade. Such humiliation finally broke him.
"Fuck no! Please God no! No! No! Please no! God no! Goooooddd…"
"I see the evil of this time and of the previous time…" Cal said, still chanting his attack, trying to not delay it any further after watching one of their own die. "Time this and time that! Y'all seem to be in a hurry? Well too bad. Let's waste time!"
As DudeAssassin celebrated, his livestream suddenly started lagging. When he finally noticed it, he was shocked to see his ping had slowed to a crawl, his frame rate going crazy. He tried to tune his program but then his PC crashed, making him shout in toxic rage. He threw his mouse away and slapped his PC like a drunk abusive dad.
When Amp was finally freed, he knelt on the ground sobbing. Gamer's Den was finally at peace as only a blured image of DudeAssassin was left on the screen. This allowed Charlie and GI to talk to the dying armored geek.
"Catherine…" Charlie said as he held her. Even as he touched the girl, she felt no pain since her nerves had been smoldered. She did hear his voice and replied, "Th-This is it, huh?"
"Senpai…" cried GI as she covered her wet eyes with her hands.
"I-I knew this would happen," continued Catherine. "I knew I was useless. I'm always so fucking useless. I deserve this."
"Don't say that," Charlie said.
"M-My life's like a bad comic book plot, Charlie. I-In this story, I'm nothing but a useless minor character. And like all minor characters, life is a privilege, and d-death is certain. This is a fate useless... talentless people like me... end up with."
Catherine began to make small coughs as the remaining air left her expired lungs. "I-It's all up to you now… heroes…"
Those who remained could only stare – unblinking – traumatized by this crushing finale. Catherine was dead, tens more of their number decimated. They now had to leave before DudeAssassin returned. All their hard work was for nothing.
The Great Idiot hated herself far more than she used to. Her capture led to them being ambushed by the boss, which then caused Catherine's death. The otaku could not afford to lose friends, but she was the Great Idiot; it's her curse to eventually fuck things up. Everything she held, turned to shit. Everyone who met her, ends up hating her, leaving her, or being killed because of her.
GI had to do something. She had to fix her mess and not let Catherine's death be in vain. Since everyone was too wrecked to retaliate, she must atone for her stupidity alone.
Charlie saw GI walking towards the video livestream. He wanted to call out to her to ask what she was doing. Everyone was retreating back to the portal but she marched on towards the jaws of death. Had she gone mad? Charlie had lost one friend, and he would die before the world could take another one.
But Charlie stopped when he caught the look on GI's face. He had never seen the always terrified, often gloomy, GI look so confident before. Whatever she was doing, Charlie hoped it would save them.
"Sorry about that, guys," DudeAssassin said when he finally reappeared. "I have no idea what happened to my stupid-ass computer. But now I'm back! So now, where were we? Oh…"
DudeAssassin paused, seeing only one lonely girl left to contend with him. This brave but futile effort made the gamer sneer and chuckle. The rest of the group chat joined in mocking the Great Idiot.
"Hey pretty girl" DudeAssassin called. "I'm sorry to say this, but you're gonna get slayed!"
Do it DudeAssassin!
Oh, we're gonna see a wench get stomped! This is why I pay for my internet!
If she breaths… she's a thot! So do it!
GI ignored the jeering. Nothing mattered to her anymore, not the all-powerful boss, not even death or failure. She was prepared for what came next. As she closed her eyes, she conducted graceful movements with her arms. She then made twin sign of the horns on both hands, before making her arms form an X near her face. Said face was fierce as she did so. Her whole body then transformed into a silhouette of rainbow colors, with sparkles fizzling out. The moment the bright radiance simmered, GI's clothes disappeared too.
Charlie and DudeAssassin could not believe their eyes as GI performed a magical girl transformation. She was buck naked for a few seconds – bright aura emanating all around – before she was then covered by new clothes consisting of a mixture of Sailor Moon and Magical Knight Rayearth uniforms. She sported a big red ribbon on her chest, shiny blue miniskirt on her hip, long boots and gloves covering her limbs. She unlocked this ability as a sort of gag back then, wanting to try it out, before pledging never to use it again due to embarrassment. Who would be high enough in the real world to actually strip themselves during combat?
While the uniform gave GI some upgrades and new attacks, this was not the purpose of why she used it. DudeAssassin on the other hand, buried his body in his seat. He winced; his chin touching his neck in cringe. His group chat was also on a riot.
Holy shit! Did I just see what I think it is?
Oh man. I just saw boobies and.... Dammit I can't help it I gotta go, man! I gotta go!
Ahahahaha! Now this stream has just got even more interesting!
Wait, guys. The girl looks young. How old is she?
Suddenly, DudeAssassin's door was kicked open. A group of FBI agents flooded in, wearing black kevlars, helmets, and tactical gloves. They pointed their M4 carbines and M9 Beretta pistols at DudeAssassin, who then threw his hands in surprise.
"FBI! Don't move!" one of the armored lawmen yelled.
"What are you guys doing?" cried DudeAssassin.
"Shut the fuck up, scumbag! We heard reports you were watching a naked high school girl on your computer. And you have the guts… the actual fucking guts… to stream it on the internet! What kind of sick fuck are you?!"
"No, I didn't! It was her! She tri– "
"Actually officers," GI interrupted, visibly tearing up. "That predator chatted me two weeks ago, saying he was some famous internet personality. He seemed friendly at that time but then he… he said… he forced me to strip in front of him or else he would hack my computer and do so much horrible stuff!"
The girl then followed it up by falling to her knees crying, while masking her face with her hands in shame. To make it authentic, she tried to remember all the nasty experiences she had while fighting the Professor and the Harem King. Thankfully, her Oscar-worthy acting got rewarded by sympathy from the lawmen. They then grabbed DudeAssassin by the collar and raised him from his chair.
"You make me sick! Boys like you give men like us a bad name!" the FBI said as he broke protocol and punched the gamer in the liver.
"Ladies and gentlemen," another agent added as the song Baby I'm Yours by Breakbot started being broadcast live. "We got him!"
DudeAssassin was on the floor gasping in pain, but the police brutality continued as they punched and kicked the gamer.
"Hey, officers!" Cal yelled at the FBI agents. "That bastard… um… called me the n-word too! I felt insulted, man. I didn't even give him a pass."
"This fucko said what?!" the officers yelled, temporarily stopping their beating to hear more allegations.
"He did!" Charlie too followed up. "He also called me a f*g! And a c*nt! As a self-proclaimed bisexual, that hurts!"
"No I didn't!" retaliated DudeAssassin.
The FBI agents had had enough. Although DudeAssassin's face was swollen, his ribs cracked and teeth smashed, the new information they got, meant a new more permanent punishment was needed. "You know, we only do this on black people," one of the lawmen confessed. "But today, we're gonna make an exception on your privileged white ass!"
The FBI agents cocked their firearms, aimed, and emptied their magazines. Continuous gunshot noises rang the geeks' ears. Blood from the boss splattered the screen. The video livestream then turned black, with only the words "This user has been banned due to malicious activities" could be seen.
The Great Idiot put her hands on her knees and breathed heavily as all the emotions she had suppressed, came rushing back, making her vomit it all.
"Press F..." Charlie muttered before giving a chuckle. Cal himself also started to laugh. They had successfully swum through the river of bad events, and when they arrived at the opposite bank, they didn't know how to react. Their minds could not wrap around what just happened. All they could do was laugh like crazy. For some, this was an inappropriate coping mechanism. However, one should not judge someone who had lost their minds from what they had been through.
Their actual reason for laughing? That they could not pinpoint. Was it because they literally defeated an AI boss, almost invulnerable to everything they threw, with a simple nude presentation? Was it the fact they defeated the boss by literally getting him SWAT-ted? Or was it the hilarious inverted social commentary of an issue that used to plague the world back then?
Whatever it was, their laughter was nothing more than a band-aid. This achievement still tasted bitter. Laughing only buried the distraught they would go through later.