Chereads / Starting With The End / Chapter 53 - Did it all over again

Chapter 53 - Did it all over again

"I remember a kid I used to play with when I was five or six years old. He lived in my neighborhood. He was such a cute little one, and so adorable that I really liked him. I liked spendin' time with him. I liked playin' with him. That time, my life was a happy one. One day, I wanted to give some mango-flavored cake to that friend of mine. He said he liked mango flavored cake. So I made Maa bake it for me and took that to the park we used to play. A while later, he came. He saw me. He waved at me. But when he was about to cross the road to come to me, a car hit him badly. He was so badly injured that he stopped movin'. I was so terrified that I couldn't know what to do. The uncle who was drivin' the car came out and took him to the hospital. And after some days, I heard he had a really bad injury, so his parents took him to some other country for treatment. And after that, I never gotta meet him. I don't even remember his name or his face by now. But that day, when I was cryin' over losing my dear friend, Maa said to me to be careful with my friends. That time, I couldn't understand what she meant. But when I saw her hangin' by the ceiling, just like that, it clicked me. It clicked to me that maybe, surely my love is cursed. So from that day, I stopped gettin' involved with people at all. I had gotten this weird fear that maybe if I started hatin' people, or even talk to them, that would kill them too. So, I shut myself in, even though I so much loved making friends, talking to them, playing to them. My fears, my way of approaching, my behavior towards people worsened day by day, and I ended up being alone more and more."

By now, it was drizzling hard. The pitter-patter of rain was soothing, as a cold gentle breeze was flowing from time to time. Airi was still looking outside the window, turning her face towards it. She had her eyes closed, feeling the gentle touch of the breeze and the rain on her skin. 

After the long time Airi talked, there was silence in the room, for a very long time. Airi was standing in the same way by the window, and Ryo kept looking at her.

"Ryo?" she suddenly spoke up.

"Yes?"

"You're right. I never preferred to be alone. I never liked to keep myself hooked up in a room. I do like my otaku life though, but I would've loved it too if I had some girls beside me just to go grab cakes from a cafe, or have a fleeting crush to squeal over. You know, that kind of life. But, I can't do any of that."

"Airi, it might all be just a coincidence, right? I mean, that truck driver was drunk. Your mother was mentally unstable. And your friend was just a kid, he couldn't possibly notice the road well. There is nothing that could be your fault, right? Why do you think that you are cursed? How can loving someone be a curse?" Ryo was trying to convince her that all of these might be her misconception, causing this mess in her life. But then he was shocked to hear Airi's response in a cold voice. "I wish it were true. I wish all of this was just a mere coincidence. But if it is, then why everyone had to go away? Why everyone had to die? Why Maa kept me far away from people? Why my parents alerted me repeatedly to be careful with my friends, and to check on my emotions? Why the fu*k I am not allowed to have a Fu*kin' normal life huh!?" 

By the end of it, Anger and frustration were so clear in her voice that Ryo got scared. Scared that she might as well lose her senses if she doesn't control herself. He went towards her and grabbed her by her shoulder. "Look, it surely is all a simple misunderstanding. There surely isn't any curse…"

"There is," Ryo halted in his words, hearing a strangely familiar voice from behind. He snapped back towards it, to see Iris standing behind him. 

"You… why are you…"

"Shh, don't say it out loud. She can't see me here. So if you started talking anything out of line, she might get nervous." Iris pointed a finger against her lips to signal him to keep quiet. Ryo lightly nodded to Iris.

"She was definitely cursed, Ryo. Her love was a curse itself. Her bad deeds, and hatred towards people were so great that it all came back to her in her last life. She caused many people sadness. She destroyed many loving relationships, the happiness in their life. All of those souls cursed her to the point that although she was reborn as a pure soul this time, she got cursed. So, whenever she loved someone dearly, she would feel the equal agony she caused others in her previous life," Iris informed Ryo, only to get a dumbfounded look on him. 

"But this isn't her life as a cursed one, rather she is here to remove those regrets and mend those wrongdoings. So the curse might not work here. But she needs to work against it, otherwise, the curse is going to get activated here too." Iris pressed a hand against his shoulder. "So keep an eye on her, and help her with your everything, okay Ryo?" saying that, she vanished, enveloped in a shiny silver light, which only Ryo could see.

Ryo returned his gaze to Airi, who was still staring blankly towards the window. "Airi, you think that you are cursed, right?"

Airi looked back at him, devoid of any emotions in her eyes, not even the previous moisture she had in those. 

"You think your love kills the people around you. Your curse keeps taking away your loved ones, keeps taking away the way of life you wanted to lead. Your curse took away all the happiness, pushing you to a deep well of sorrow and despair, right?" he said all those while looking straight into her eyes. And he saw her eyes waver a little bit.

"What are… ya trynna gettin' at?" Airi's blank cold stare was slowly dissipating from her eyes, and slight confusion was taking place into it by his questions.

"Let's do it like this. You know that you did something really bad to these people while you were Arne, right? And you remember how you have treated with some of those, correct?" Airi nodded her head up and down by his question. "Then, just do things right from the start. Love them, treat them well. Express the things you truly feel about them. Maybe your curse wouldn't be there anymore by the time you realize. Erase your wrongdoings, then there wouldn't be any curse to ruin your life, because there wouldn't be any sin you have done remaining."

Ryo's words sounded reasonable to her. But there was still some doubt in her, poking its head out on the surface. "But what if I end up killing these people too, if I show them how I truly feel?"

"So you think expressing your true feelings to them would kill them? Then you admit that you actually like them?" Ryo gently smiled towards her, and his words came to her as a sudden revelation. "Airi, can you deny the fact that you really care about the old couple downstairs? If you didn't, then there was no reason for you to be depressed by the fact that you are not talking to them these days properly."

"Wait, how did you…"

"I told you, I can know anything going on in your mind." Ryo chuckled lightly, seeing Airi's eyes getting big with awe. "So, since you do care about them, you are being careful with how you behave with them since the moment you came here, those all express your love and care for them you used to have. Did anything happen to them after that? Even a minor cut?"

She shook her head sideways, realizing his words were true. 

"Rather, there were happy to get back their daughter, a bit weird, but their old daughter. So, aren't your presence, your care, your love, making them happy, instead of their death? Then what's the matter? Go ahead. Show them the love you couldn't while you were still alive. Now you are back, give them their happiness, and get yours too. And if you still think that the curse will act up again, then…" Ryo patted Airi's head lightly with his large hands, "be strong enough to fight back. Be strong enough to protect them. Be a barrier so that the curse doesn't get a loophole to enter. It's that simple."

Ryo looked at her affectionately, while his hand was still on top of her head. 

And Airi felt like the heaviness in her heart was removed to a lot extent, thanks to the person she regarded as a shady spirit. 

"Thanks, Ryo. I'm glad I have got ya' as my angel. I guess I'd give it a shot since ya' told me. And even if somethin' happens, you're there for my rescue, right, my protective shady spirit?" Airi raised her chin up to meet with his eyes, and she flashed a bright smile.

And the smile was so bright that Ryo felt like even the bright surroundings of Annwn was fade against it. He fell silent, seeing the gentleness of the smile.

And that's when he knew, he really did it all over again. 

Even though he was being careful about it.

Even though he decided to not get stuck in it all over again.