Suddenly, Airi clutched on Ryo's shirt, and bending her head down, she sobbed hard. "I can't… *sob*... love anyone… *sob*." She was finding it difficult to talk, but stopping her tears was harder than that. All these days, she was worried sick about all of this. But she couldn't express anything, except bottling up. She was used to dealing with emotions and problems alone, but now that there was someone who she could call the only friend she got in this strange world, her emotions and worries overflowed to the surface, rolling down as tears.
Seeing Airi breaking apart so much, Ryo felt an uneasy feeling in his heart. His heart was aching for the girl in front of him. He was startled by the sudden breakdown of her, and even if she leaned on him clutching his shirt, he was just standing there with his hands hanging both of his sides. But soon he realized that he was awkwardly standing there without saying anything, and he had the urge to comfort the girl.
He remembers the day when Airi first realized that she had come to her own past life, she was crying just like this. That day too, Ryo wanted to go and comfort her. But he held back himself.
The day she met the guy, and came running to him crying, back then also, Ryo wanted to put a hand on her head, and tell her that it was fine. He was there for her. But he held back that time too.
But now that the girl was leaning on to him, he couldn't fight back with his reasoning to hold back.
He raised his hands, and wrapped those around the girl, embracing her lightly.
Her head resting on his chest, and soon the grey shirt he had on him was getting dampened with the moisture of her eyes.
But somehow, Ryo was feeling oddly peaceful. It was a long time since he felt something like this.
When was it last time?
When did I last hug back someone like this?
When did I last feel this much peace?
When did I last feel this urge to comfort someone?
Maybe, no one after her…
He kept wondering this in his mind. Questions were being raised in his mind.
The girl in front of him right now may have the same face as her, but they weren't the same at all. This girl is totally different in everything else, except for her face and her name.
Yet, here he was, losing his control over him for this girl. Just because…
Ryo patted Airi's back to calm her down. "Well, that might wait. For now, I just have to help her in every way possible," he kept that thought to himself.
On the other hand, by the comforting pats she was getting from Ryo, she slowly calmed, and her sobbing also stopped. But when that happened, the sudden realization came down to her that she was hugging Ryo the whole time. And for that, she got so embarrassed that she jolted back from his embrace, startling him completely.
"I… I'm sorry, I just…" Airi couldn't figure out what to say, as she was feeling way too awkward.
Even Ryo got embarrassed by the sudden realization. To think that he got carried away, he immediately turned red. "Ah, it's okay. We are friends, right? So I should comfort you when you feel down. Forget about it, no need to get flustered about it."
Airi nodded back without saying anything.
"So, you want to talk about it now?" Ryo carefully asked her lest she should end up bawling again, but she didn't cry this time. She just lightly moved her head, and took a seat in the chair.
She looked outside through the window, and noticed that the sky had already become dark with black clouds. "It has been like this for some days now, but today it is the darkest. Seems like it will rain pretty badly." Ryo followed Airi's gaze towards the window by her words.
After that, there was a long silence, which Airi broke herself. "Ryo, do you know everythin' about my life?"
Ryo returned his gaze from the window to her. "Your life?"
"Yeah, my life. By that I mean, my life as Airi Shin. my life up from 2001 to 2021. My 20-years long life. Do you know everything about it?"
When Ryo got assigned with her, he was informed about almost everything about her life as 'Shin', so he nodded in affirmative. "I guess I do."
"Then you must know the fact of me being cursed, right?" Airi blankly stated that with a monotone, despite the fact of her being in tears just a while ago.
"Cursed?" Ryo was aware of all the incidents and misfortunes she had all through her life, but he never knew anything about her being cursed.
"Yah, there might be a curse on me. Curse on me lovin' people. I can't love people, be it my family, my friends, or anyone stranger. My love kills people. Whenever I admit or show any kind of love or care towards anyone, they end up dyin'." Airi paused to see the reaction of Ryo. Seeing that he was calmly listening to her, she continued where she left off.
"I was maybe 10 years old then. It was my birthday. I was happy. Paa was about to bring me my favorite chocolate cake. The day before, I had a huge quarrel with him, cuz he said he wouldn't be here on my birthday. But when he called me to ask about the cake, and said that he was comin', I was so happy that I ended up sayin' 'I love you' countless times. I really loved my Paa and my Maa more than anythin' else. And I wanted to say it to him when he comes too. I wanted to say sorry to him, when he comes. But suddenly, I heard a huge crashing sound, almost deafenin' my ears. And then, there was this awkward silence. After that, I heard nothin' over the phone. Neither the deafenin' screech, nor the warm voice of Paa."
Tears started flowing down once again silently as she kept talking. She felt her voice choked up because of it. But yet, she kept going on. "The next day, we gotta know that a huge truck ran o'er his car. His car was parked at a side, safely. But the truck driver was drunk to the point that he was... drivin' recklessly. We didn't find any parts of him, everything was squashed under the truck. Maa was shocked to the point that she couldn't even bawl out loud. She got the hell of a mental shock from it. She had to be hospitalized immediately. But that didn't help. The doctors gave up on her, saying that she had completely lost it. So I had to start takin' care of her, all by myself. Our relatives turned their back on us, and I stopped hopin' for support from those fu*kin' bastards. Paa has kept money somewhere for us, and those huge pieces of sh*t named relatives sometimes visited, in hope that they'd get a share from it. But I never let them meet any of us. That was the time when I got rude with my words. I just said whatever came to my mind, and their pathetic faces made me gag every time. So the only behavior I learned to show was the aggressive rude one. That kinda cornered me from others too. I couldn't make any friends, thanks to the way I behaved, and the pressure I had of takin' care of my mother. Her food, her medicine, her everything. Yet, I never felt bad doin' anythin' for her. Cuz I loved her. I wanted to show that love in every possible way I could. I wanted to give her the love from the Paa's share too."
Airi got up from the chair, and walked towards the window. It has already started raining, and by the passing time, the rain was increasing. She looked outside blankly, not specifically looking in a particular direction, just blankly staring at the rain. "Then one day, it was running just like today. When I came back home from outside, Maa welcomed me. She welcomed me, being hung by the ceiling with a rope around her neck, leaving behind a yellow note stuck on the wall. It said, 'Don't love me, your love is a burden to me, please don't love me.' She pleaded with me not to love her, till the moment she died. All she left behind was that note, which screamed loudly that how much harm I caused people by loving them. My love burdened them, yet I thought maybe I could stay happy, keep them happy if I had loved them enough. But I was… wrong. I…"
Airi fell silent, only a faint sound of sobbing could hear from her. And Ryo gave her time to calm down herself.