"You are still here?"
The person stood in front of her again with an irritated look on his face. "Why aren't you leaving yet?"
Airi couldn't help asking back, "Am I annoyin' ya?"
"Can't you tell?" Shiro scoffed with a mocking tone. "Don't tell me, you spilled out the remaining little bit of your brains into the gutter. Or those got washed away with the medicines in your stomach?"
"Should I go for it? What I wanted to do?" she wondered to herself, but she decided to do it anyway.
"Look Shiro, I know we are on bad terms…"
"HOW DARE YOU CALL MY NAME!"
The entire buzzing café was enveloped in silence at the sudden rise of his voice, "That's… a name only for someone who is close to me. You don't even deserve to call out anyone. So don't you dare bring out my name with that filthy mouth of yours!"
Airi could practically feel how deep that hatred was, there was simply disgust in his eyes for her. But the reason why, she had no idea about it.
"Okay, just relax. I just wanted to say sorry for whatever I did."
"And what you did can be excused with just a sorry? You are supposed to carry that burden all through your life. So don't you dare cut it off with a miser sorry or going off dying somewhere. Or maybe you should've been dead on that day. Probably that would have been better. If you that much wanted to die, then go die! Why the fvck you have to make it look like such so that anyone could come to save you? At least do one thing with pure intention!"
All of a sudden, tears started rolling down her eyes, as those words directed towards her oozed with disgust. She couldn't get any of those, and those words weren't actually meant to her even in the first place. Yet, those harsh words, his eyes filled with hatred, were piercing her heart, squeezing it, making it bleed. It hurt so much that she couldn't help crying.
She just sat there like a statue while thick drops of tears rolled down like a stream, without any break. She couldn't even move a muscle to talk back. She wanted to scream, she wanted to say that Arne didn't die so that someone could save her, she wanted to apologize for something. But Airi knew nothing about the situation, so she couldn't voice out any words, in fear of making things more messed up.
But strangely, she was feeling sad not because a girl got misunderstood even after she tried to die, to kill herself off. Her sadness felt more like her own. She felt like she could handle anything painful in the world, she could take those easily. Maybe with a nonchalant look on her face, or maybe with a smile. But she couldn't bear the hatred, the disgust pouring out from the gaze of the person in front of her. It was long since she got this much hurt, and that was so intense, that she felt like her world crumbling around her, leaving not even a little amount of land under her feet.
"Get out of my sight! RIGHT NOW!"
That was all Airi needed to break from her trance. She hurriedly grabbed her backpack, put everything from the table back inside, and got out of the café. People could see her running out of the cafe, without even a break, or looking back at it.
The entire café was in a pin-drop silence until the manager broke it. "Shiro, you, okay?"
Shiro gazed down without meeting his boss's eyes," I am sorry boss, but can I leave early today?"
"Yeah sure. You are excused for the day. Take rest properly, okay?"
"Thank you." With that, he went to the changing room to change the work clothes he had on. He changed back into his own clothes, and left the café, leaving behind a group of co-workers dumbfounded.
------
Airi started running towards her way home, without looking anywhere. She kept running so that no one could see her crying. Her eyes were blurry with the tears filling her eyes and rolling down her cheeks like a fierce ocean wave. She couldn't stop that, nor she even tried to stop or wipe those.
Why was she crying? That guy was rude, he was the one behaving wrong.
What huge crime did she do that she doesn't even get to say sorry?
Did she not try to apologize? Was she not feeling guilty?
Has he ever tried to listen to her? For once?
"She went off dyin' for you for fvcks sake you punk…! And why the heck am I cryin'!!!" She shouted out loud in the middle of the road filled with passers-by. All of them started giving her weird glances, but that was the least she cared about right now.
Right now, all that mattered was going far away from the place. And wring out the anger, the sadness, the helplessness she was feeling out of her heart.
'I have nothing to do with this, I don't even know anything God damn it!'
'Then why does it hurt?'
'WHY!'
She complained and cried. She kept running until she was out of breath.
When she looked up, she noticed she had long crossed her neighborhood, coming to a children's park, which was practically empty, except for some kids playing further away.
She needed to vent out to someone, anyone, who would let her talk, listen to her, tell her what was going on, what was happening. What was that wrong to make everything messed up in her life, which she had nothing to do with from the beginning?
Suddenly, she remembered the only person who could do all of that for her right now.
"Ryo… you there?"
"Was that too much?" Airi looked back to see Ryo standing behind her.
"Why am I crying? Why does this hurt so bad? Why… ugh… *sniff*…"
"It's okay, calm down. Because this is indeed your soul, which has gone through many things, and is supposed to go through more of it. Maybe your body, and your conscience is different, but the soul is all the same… it is the same. You get it now?" Ryo tried to be as soft as he could, so that Airi wouldn't become more hurt than she already was. Airi sobbed hard while she sat down on the sandy playground. Ryo stretched out a hand to pat the head of that girl curled up in sadness and pain, drowned in her own heartache, but drew back that hand, thinking that might make her uncomfortable. He let her cry until she calmed on her own, and stood beside her silently.
After all, the only thing Airi never had in her life were these tears. No matter what, she couldn't even get a chance to cry out. This privilege was something she was deprived of since she was born. If she could, then maybe everything could've turned out as something else, something better.
"Ryo?"
Ryo stopped his thoughts in the middle to respond to her. "Yes?"
"I died in that attempt of suicide, right? For real?"
Finally, she was accepting her soul. Being relieved, Ryo replied, "Yes, Airi Arne died on the 25th of December in 1998, on a white Christmas."
"White Christmas, just like the day I faced the accident."
"Somehow, yeah."
"To think I love snowfall, how ironic is that."
Ryo looked at the calm face she was having right now. "Did you get any memories from your past life?"
Airi sighed as she was looking up to the sky, "Nothin' yet. I wish I could, so that... I hadn't messed up there the way I... did. The only thing I know... is what I found out." Airi was finding it hard to talk, as she was still choking up by the occasional sobs.
Ryo followed her gaze towards the sky, "What do you plan to do now?"
"I need to find my diary. I can't wait until those memories come back. Who knows, that actually might not come at all. Moreover, without that, it would be hard to recall anythin'. I don't even know what harm I caused to those people around me. Why do my own parents talk cautiously around me? Why don't I have anyone to turn to when I feel helpless all alone? Why there is no one to look over me while I was practically missing all those months. And why, someone, hates me this much…!"
Her voice again got muffled as she tried her best to suppress another surge of emotions that was about to trail down her face from her eyes.