Sure enough, when I go outside, he's standing beside his car, dressed in a t-shirt, jeans, and his favorite cap. My favorite cap, actually.
"Dad!" I run into his outstretched arms, and he catches me, spinning me around like a little girl. His little girl.
"I've missed you so much." He breathes into my hair and the tears almost begin to fall.
"I've missed you too, Dad." I choke out. "I can't believe you're here."
"Yeah? Well, I am. I'm here for you."
I hug him even tighter as he lets me down, burying my head in his chest.
"How did you... I mean...does mom know?" I ask when I pull away.
Dad nods. "I called her a few days ago before I flew in last night. She didn't want me to tell you because..." He looks away. "Well...you know."
Yeah, I know. Incase I got my hopes up and he eventually didn't come.
"I'm glad you came." I say.
Dad smiles at me, reaching out to tuck stray hair strands behind my ear.
"Just look at you. You've grown so much."
I roll my eyes. "Don't be so dramatic. It's only been months since we saw each other."
"So..." He looks at me from head to toe. "You ready for a date with your old man?"
I look down at my t-shirt and shorts and roll my eyes. "Obviously not. I'll go get ready. You should probably come inside."
It feels weird to tell my dad that he can 'come in', because this used to be his house too.
Dad hesitates. "I shouldn't..."
"She's not home, dad. Promise." I assure him. If mom were here, things would get awkward pretty fast.
Dad sighs, following me into the house. I hurry upstairs to my room while he waits in the living room.
Zack's not in my room when I get there, but I see a note on my bedside table.
Would it have killed you to let me know it was your dad who called?
Aaanyway, I might've followed you to see what was up, and don't get mad, but your dad might've seen me.
I only gave him the stink eye....
Okay, I flipped him off too. But that's all I did. Promise.
I'm gonna hang out with the guys, so, laters baby.
And try not to think of me so much while you're with your dad, alright? ;)
Laters baby? I knew he enjoyed watching 'fifty shades' with me. And who the hell still writes notes?
I look out the window to see that he closed his curtains.
Asshole.
Was that why dad hesitated?
Zack is usually an asshole around my dad whenever he visits, ever since he left us. He just can't help it, and when I asked him why, he'd said, and I quote, "there's absolutely no fucking way I'll be nice to someone who hurt you.".
"Should I be concerned that you were alone with that boy?" Dad asks as he starts up his Ford. I fasten my seatbelt and lean back into the leather seat. It feels sooo good.
Oh, so he noticed.
"Who, Zack?" I stare out the window. I will not have this conversation with him.
"He made you ignore my calls, didn't he? Did he stay the night?"
Why's he being so nosy?
"No."
"You hesitate when you lie. He stayed with you last night, didn't he?"
I sigh, turning to face him. "Yeah, yeah he did. He's my best friend, dad. I couldn't sleep and I called him."
Liar.
The traffic lights show red and dad stops.
"I know best friends when I see them, Aubrey. What you and Zack have has always been more than friendship."
I roll my eyes. "Whatever."
Dad sighs when I look out the window again. "I only want the best for you, you know that, right?" My jaw ticks. The best? "I don't want you getting hurt, especially by him..."
"Oh my God. He wants the best for me." I laugh mirthlessly, turning to look at my dad again. "You are such a hypocrite, you know that?"
His brows furrow. "Sweetheart..."
"If you really wanted the best for me, you wouldn't have banged your patient while mom was still fucking alive. If you wanted the best for me, you would've been able to fix it and we would've been happy, but no, instead, you left us.
"Zack genuinely cares about me, I love him, and you should be extremely glad that he hasn't punched your face in yet. And yeah, in case you're worried that mom is still crying over you, she's not. She's in a really happy place right now."
The silence that follows after my outburst is so loud, it's deafening. The sound of an impatient horn breaks through the silence, making my heart jolt.
It's then I realise that the traffic light is showing green, and has been for a while, because I hear the faint sound of a male voice cussing at us to move.
It's then I realise that I just fucking yelled at my father. Something I never imagined I would ever do.
But before I open my mouth to apologize, dad sighs. "Well, this wasn't what I expected, but I guess I deserved that."
A smile tugs at my lips. "Yeah, you did."
Dad glances at me, grinning. "We should probably start over."
I roll my eyes. "Where are you even taking me?"
He shrugs. "It's a surprise."
____________
"Wow. A park? You're right, this is a surprise." I say to him once he parks the car a little further from the entrance.
Dad turns to look at me. "It's not just a park."
"You're right." I roll my eyes. "It's a park for seven-year olds. I'm seventeen, dad, incase you forgot."
"Will you stop with the attitude already?" He sighs. "This is where your mom and I first met."
What?
Dad steps out of the car, walking towards the trunk. I follow.
"It is?" I ask him as he opens the trunk, taking out a...picnic basket?
"Dad... what're you doing?"
"You want answers or not?" He asks, turning to look at me.
"Answers?" I cross my arms. "I mean, that'd be nice, but why now?"
He sighs. "Because I'm sick of all the hate I get from my own daughter everyday."
Hate?
"Dad, I d-don't... I could never hate you." I stutter.
The fact that my dad thinks I hate him breaks my heart. I'm mad at him for leaving us, but I don't hate him. He still comes back, which is something most fathers don't do.
"Hey, come here." He says, pulling me into his arms. "There's no need to get upset or...make that crying face. It's normal for girls to hate their fathers, shitty ones at that."
Dad kisses the top of my head. "No, it's not normal." I mutter. "And you're not shitty...sometimes."
He chuckles, then sighs. Again. "You ready?"
We find a vacant bench in a secluded space to sit on because, yeah, dad forgot to bring a picnic blanket.
"This park is beautiful. How have I never been here?" I ask him as he hands me a sandwich in a plate.
"We used to bring you when you were just a baby."
I spot a cute couple holding hands, probably taking a stroll. They look so young that my eyes widen when two little kids run towards them and they catch them, kissing every inch of their faces.
I really hope they remain this happy.
"You were the most adorable little thing." Dad whispers, probably staring at the same thing I was.
"I still am though." I say, biting into the sandwich. It's then it hits me.
"Mom said you guys met in college."
He shrugs. "Yeah?"
"But you just told me this was where you and mom first met."
Dad hands me a bottle of soda, shrugging. "Well, we met here, and then found out we were both in the same college. Well... I found out. She already knew who I was."
I tilt my head, prompting him to continue.
"My friends and I came to hangout here one day, and I just...saw her." Dad has a lingering smile on his face. "The most beautiful thing I ever saw. She was watching these two kids play with the most adorable smile on her face. So I walked up to her, just because."
He takes a sip of his drink. "She completely freaked out the moment I said 'hey' to her. Always had the habit of tucking her hair behind her hair when she was nervous, just like you."
On impulse, I tuck my hair behind my hair.
Dad quirks a brow as if to say, "see?"
"Fast forward to a month later and we were dating. I wasn't exactly the kind of person you'd want to date your daughter." He mutters, rubbing the back of his neck. "So she never told her parents."
"No way." I laugh. "You were a player?"
He rolls his eyes. "I'm not proud of it, believe it or not. But I want you to know that I never once cheated on your mother while we dated."
"Doesn't matter. It was years ago." I reply, forcing a smile.
"When she got pregnant, she was so scared of what her parents would do. She panicked. She wanted to abort the baby." Bile rises up my throat.
Story of my life.
Dad sighs. "Somehow, I was able to convince her not to do it. I was with her when she told her parents. They got so angry. Her father was especially not having it. We were chased out of the house. According to them, she was going to 'ruin everything they worked for'.
I hate them already. I hated them from the first day my mom mentioned that she was disowned.
"So I took her to my parents, and they took us in. My dad just had to lecture me on how much of a responsibility it was. Your mom hated me, believe it or not. She was always yelling at me for 'doing that to her'." Dad chuckles.
"Then you were born and... I fell in love with both of you all over again." Dad takes my hands in his, wanting me to make eye contact with him, but I can't. I'm fighting tears and they keep on coming.
"What changed?"
Dad's jaw clenches, and he avoids my gaze. There's something he's hiding from me.
"I want you to know that whatever happened between your mom and I doesn't change the fact that we love you. So much..."
"Bullshit." I grit out, ripping my hands from his. "Tell me the truth, dad. Now."
Dad shuts his eyes tight, inhaling deeply. He's fighting tears too.
"That's why you brought me here, right? To tell me the entire truth?"
"She never stopped hating me for making her ruin her relationship with her parents. She never said it, but I knew she was just tolerating me. I loved her, but she didn't. I saw it everytime I looked in her eyes. It's crazy, you know, because her parents were supposed to support her, but they just... didn't care and haven't even tried to contact her. I have no idea why she still loves them." Dad laughs mirthlessly.
"It got to a point that I just couldn't take it anymore. I was not okay." He sighs. "I was drunk when it happened, and I couldn't keep from telling her because I was ashamed of myself for cheating on the woman I loved."
I use my hands to wipe tears from my face, but they just can't stop.
"She didn't even get upset with me. She just saw that as an opportunity to..."
"Let you go." The words are out of my mouth before I even think them.
It was all her.
"She loves you, sweetheart."
"Bullshit. There's no way she does if she hates you for getting her pregnant. There's no way she loves me if she was willing to let you go, knowing I needed both my parents."
It means she hates me too.
At this point, I've given up on fighting the tears. They're running uncontrollably down my face.
"Aubrey..."
"Don't." I snap when he tries to reach for me. "Just don't, dad. You let her win."
He runs a hand down his face. "This wasn't supposed to go like this. Your mother only wants the best for you."
"Stop lying to me, dad! She doesn't want the best for me. And neither do you. Because if you did, you would've stayed. No matter what."
People are starting to stare at us, even kids, but I couldn't care any less about that.
"Honey..."
"She hurt you." My voice is shaky.
"That was years ago."
The fact that he's just brushing this away like it's nothing is irritating. Hurtful. Heartbreaking.
"Just walk with me to the car and we can figure this out."
Figure this out?
"No. You go back to the hotel or wherever you came from. I'm not going anywhere with you."
Dad's face falls.
"There's no way I'm leaving you here. It's getting late, Aubrey."
"Just go, dad. You're good at doing that anyway."
I should feel guilty for what I just said. I should apologize to my dad because that was fucking low. But I don't. I don't even watch dad as he packs the stuff he came with, and walks away from me.
For the umpteenth time.
I don't even know how long I remain in the park, crying, numb, thinking about anything and everything.
I'm just a huge joke to them. A mistake.
"Can you tie my shoe?" A tiny voice brings me back to reality. The sun has begun to set.
I look at the little girl pouting in front of me.
"Of course." I say, getting up the chair so I can squat down to her level.
"You look sad." She says to me when I'm done lacing her shoes.
My throat clogs up, but I shake my head. I've done enough crying.
"You're so cute. What's your name?" I ask her, forcing a smile on my face.
She reminds me a lot of...me, especially with the jet-black hair and blue grey eyes.
"Amy."
"Okay, cute Amy. Where's your mom and dad?"
Her expression immediately turns sad. "They're always fighting. Mommy says all moms and dads fight. Why are you sad?" She asks again.
My heart breaks for her. Her parents are probably heading towards a disaster. Makes me think that no relationship ever lasts.
"Well" I sigh. "My mom and dad always fight too." I reach out to smoothen her hair. "It'll all be okay, alright?"
If only I could believe that.
She nods. I stand up, taking her tiny hand in mine. "C'mon. Let's go find your mom and dad."
Dad never left. He sat in the car waiting for me, and hurried out to come meet me when I exited the park. Honestly, I had no idea how I was going to get home, so I was a bit relieved.
We've been riding silently for the past ten minutes, but I know that dad wants so badly to say something, because he keeps glancing at me.
"You okay, Princess?" He finally asks.
"Just peachy." I reply in monotone.
"I know there's nothing I can ever do for you to forgive me, but I just hope you know I love you. I always will."
A fresh set of tears starts to prick behind my eyelids.
"Yeah?" I inhale deeply. "Well, you have a shitty way of showing it."
Dad keeps mute the rest of the ride.
I spot my mom standing in front of the house even before he pulls into the driveway. She's with Zack. My eyes involuntarily move to the phone in my hand.
It's been ringing nonstop for hours.
"Hey, honey, what took you so..."
I walk past her towards the house.
"What's wrong, sweetie?" Mom asks. I hear the sound of the car door opening and closing.
"Aubrey!" Dad calls out.
Right before the door shuts behind me, I hear mom bark at my dad.
"What the hell did you say to her?"
She sounds panicked. I guess it's true.
"The truth. She deserved to know."
I can't even listen to this.
I start to run towards the stairs, speeding up when I hear footsteps right behind me.
"Aubrey, wait." It's Zack. Of course it is.
"Leave me alone." I reply, getting into my room. But before I'm able to slam the door shut, Zack bursts through.
"Hey, what's going on? Why are you so upset?"
He spins me around to face him. Tears are blurring my vision. "For fuck's sake, Zack, just go. I don't need you here right now."
Liar.
"That's not convincing enough for me to leave." Zack says. He looks worried. Really worried.
I want to yell at him to get the hell out of my room. I want to tell him how much I hate being here. But I don't. Because I can't. Because my throat is all clogged up.
"Hey, come here." He pulls me into his chest, and the tears start flowing yet again.
A mistake. That's all I am.