I was ready to head out as early as 6 AM to start the beautification of my garden. Yep, yesterday was just the tip of the iceberg. I still have a lot of things to add to it. Since I was mostly done with the cleaning yesterday, I will be adding some flavor and color to it today. It'll be mostly adding new plants to the collection. Perhaps, I can add some modifications to it that will make it look magical.
I know that adding little details here and there will take much of my time, so I want to start as early as possible to finish, not as late as yesterday.
I was about to head out through the back door when I passed a glimpse of my mom in the kitchen putting up plates on the table. I continued walking since this was nothing new anymore. Whenever she's home, she always finds the time to prepare breakfast or sometimes even dinner if her schedule isn't super packed.
I was about to open the door and step outside when she suddenly called me. I took a step back almost instantly as if I had been waiting for it. However, the sudden movement made me almost stumble as I hit my foot on the door. Luckily, I was clinging to the door.
Nice save, Door, thanks.
I walked back towards the kitchen and stood in front of her— the table standing in between us with the freshly baked potatoes on top of it.
"Let's have breakfast together. So pause whatever it is that you're doing and call your sister, too. I have something important to say," she said as she sat down at the head of the table while I turned around and went upstairs to knock on my sister's door.
When I got there, I just stood still in front of the door for a good minute, trying to calm my nerves and have the guts to face her. I was still not ready to meet her after what I did last night.
I know it was nothing to be ashamed of. However, I can't help but feel awkward facing her, knowing that I know something she probably doesn't want me to know— or any one of the sort.
I breathed in deeply and let it out through my mouth before knocking softly on her door three times. I didn't hear any movement on the other side, so I knocked again— louder this time. However, after a few minutes of no response, I decided to say it without facing her.
I really didn't like talking if I wasn't sure the other person was listening or not. But since there was no response since I got here, I didn't have a choice but to just say it whether she hears it or not.
I stared at the closed door and blurted out the words mom said. "I'm here because mom said she wanted us to join her for breakfast, and there's something important she had to tell us so, I hope you come down soon."
I didn't linger more than a second and left immediately after I said it. I went into the kitchen and caught my mom writing something in her notebook. I guess she got bored waiting for how long I took to tell my sister.
Honestly, I don't even know why I was shy around her.
I went on to make a hot choco drink since mom only brewed coffee, and I don't really drink coffee. Soon after that, Lilianna appeared looking fresh out of the shower.
Oh, was she in the shower the whole time I was in front of her door?
I finished making my hot choco and sat down. Lilianna only sat down across from me after getting her share of coffee, adding her own preferred taste to it.
I don't know why but I'm feeling really nervous all of a sudden. I feel like something that is entirely out of my expectation is about to happen.
Now that we're all sat down, mom put away her notebook and said. "Since we're all here. Let's eat!"
We ate in silence, and I felt utterly uncomfortable. However, both mom and Lilianna weren't even the slightest bit bothered by the weird atmosphere. I can't wait to get out of this awkward silence and start working on my garden.
I hurriedly swallowed my breakfast and planned to escape as soon as possible. But before I could even get to the last piece of food on my plate, my mother spoke, which made me turn my head in her direction. I also saw Lilianna do the same as she listened intently to what she had to say.
"Let's talk about what you guys are up to these days," my mom started as she put her hands on the table and clasped it together— looking relaxed.
I didn't exactly know how to answer that question since I've only been doing what I always do. I guess Lilianna sort of feel the same way, too, seeing as to how she hadn't answered yet.
It would seem rude to just ignore what my mother asked us. So, I replied with a quick shrug and a vague answer. "I'm doing okay."
I took a quick glance at Lilianna, and she was back to slowly eating her food, looking awfully distracted on what was on her mind. I focused back on my food and continued eating, not that she'd noticed I was staring at her.
Apparently, my answer wasn't good enough that mom decided to ask me specifically. "So, Azalea. How are you holding up? Anything worth mentioning? Any boys?"
I looked at her as if she grew a million heads. Seriously? Of all the weirdest questions out there, she asked that? Does she really think I have time for crushes and boys? I don't even have friends.
"I'm actually doing fantastic. Thanks for asking. And nope, just the norm. No boys, no friends, just nothing at all," I replied nonchalantly, trying to be dismissive about the topic.
I don't really wanna talk about relationships at the moment.
While the entire time I was talking, I saw Lilianna perked up from what I said, and then her gaze fell onto me. She intently looked at me for a solid minute before looking down at her plate again.
Uh... okay. That was weird.
"Good to hear," my mom only smiled awkwardly at my response. Then her gaze turned to Lilianna and proceeded to ask her a different question from mine. "So, Lilianna. Mind telling me what you have been up to? Why were you out and about for a couple of days? I would like to be enlightened on your whereabouts."
Suddenly, Lilianna froze in her seat. She didn't look up nor acknowledge my mom's question. I was beginning to think she was just too preoccupied that she might've not heard the question. But then she muttered something softly under her breath, which I almost missed if it wasn't for the deathly silence resonating in this room.
"None of your business."
I gulped, knowing that the previous awkward air was now replaced by a thick and suffocating pressure that was both coming from Lilianna and mom. I look at them alternately, thinking that things will get heated soon enough.
My mom's relaxed demeanor suddenly turned into a hardened look at what Lilianna had said. I know what mom had been curious about because I, too, had been curious for quite some time now. But I held back because it didn't feel right to ask her about it since I knew almost nothing about my sister's life. I don't deserve to pry since asking her would be like asking a stranger about their deepest, darkest secret.
"Say that, again?" Mom asked, her expression unchanging.
"I don't want to talk about it," Lilianna dismissively replied.
"That's not what you said a while ago."
"I. Said. I don't want to talk about it," Lilianna repeated her previous statement, emphasizing each word.
I can tell that this conversation frustrates her, and it's making me uncomfortable. So, I did what I could to at least alleviate the tension that was still growing with each second.
"Maybe, we should just talk about this another time?"
My mom sighed and gulped down the rest of her coffee. "All I really want to say is for both of you to not mindlessly go out without me knowing. Let me know where you are going and what you are doing. Okay?"
I nodded my head in understanding while Lilianna didn't even bother answering. I don't understand why Lilianna is being difficult. A simple nod of acknowledgment will do.
Since we hadn't really said anything to her previous statement, mom continued speaking. "You probably already heard about people suddenly going missing; I want both of you to come home before dark. I don't want my daughters to be put in danger."
After hearing mom's reason, I understood why she was so adamant about knowing Lilianna's business.
"I know that, but I also know how to protect myself. You don't have to worry about me," Lilianna stated as a matter of fact.
I turned towards her as her tone had a hint of annoyance in it. The way I see it, she looked like she was trying to distract herself by looking at something else rather than my mom.
"I'm not risking it, Lilianna," mom replied as she continued to stare at my sister.
Lilianna looked up from her plate— eyes full of unbridled annoyance. "Why do you care? I'm an adult now. I can decide what happens with my life. It has always been this way. Why change things now?"
Mom's jaw ticked, and her expression became unreadable as she steeled herself from getting mad at Lilianna's behavior.
I silently sat there, not knowing what to do in this situation. I did diffuse some tension earlier, but I don't think I can exactly say, 'Heyyyy, can we just agree to disagree?' I had an inkling feeling that Lilianna had to release all of her bottled-up feelings. Let it all out...
"I know that you're 18 now, and you already feel like you're an adult, but in my eyes, you're still a teenager. Age doesn't guarantee maturity," mom's voice was calm and steady, but her eyes weren't.
Lilianna only scoffed at what mom said, and now her eyes are burning with rage. "I grew up without my parents by my side. Do you still think I'm immature? Reality check, MOM, I learned a lot out there WITHOUT anyone's guidance," she raised her voice, emphasizing the word 'mom' and 'without.'
This is the most expressive I had seen Lilianna. She was angry, and honestly? I can understand some of her anger. But I hope it doesn't last for long.
I didn't know up until now that Lilianna felt this hurt and angry about mom's disappearance since we were kids. She had always been closed off and always had this calm and cold aura around her. I did understand where she was coming from since I was also left behind. The only difference between her and me is that I had Gran with me. It's not because Gran loves me more than Gran loves her since I was closer to her. Gran really tried her best to get through to her, but apparently, she had already built walls around her heart and closed all the possible entrances shut.
I was still too young to understand that and all of her issues. I just hope I can still squeeze my way through her heart. And I wish Lilianna and mom's relationship gets better as time goes by.
I continued to observe their exchange of words along with their reaction. It was like I was watching a drama scene but only live in action.
Honestly, I don't like watching both of them fight. It makes my heart hurt.
Mom's face fell after she heard Lilianna's reply. "I know, I wasn't the best mother. But I'm here now, trying to gain both of your trust again," she looked at me before looking at Lilianna again. "I know it won't erase the pain I did back then or ever, but..." she trailed off.
"Save it, mom. I don't want it. I don't want anything from you. I don't need you, not then and especially not now," Lilianna said with finality in her voice, indicating that she was done with this conversation.
The hurt in my mom's eyes was evident, but she pushed it away as if what I saw was a mere illusion.
Lilianna stood up and was about to leave, but mom spoke her final piece. "I don't care if you want it or not. I don't care if you hate me or not. But I will stand by my decision. No excuses. And Lilianna, I'm warning you," the tone in her voice signifies that she won't take any bullshit.
"What will you do if I won't listen? Ground me? Punish me? Disown me? Do you really think I care? I would rather be homeless than follow your stupid rules. Honestly, it would be better for all of us if you just continued to pretend I didn't exist at all. Just fvcking leave me alone!" Lilianna seethed, seemingly having a hard time controlling her emotions.
I didn't really see her expression since she immediately turned around and left, disappearing into the hallway and out through the backdoor. I continued to stare at the doorway where Lilianna vanished to.
That was... intense. I never saw Lilianna that mad before. I felt like the house even shook from the intensity of her rage. For a second there, I almost got scared and wanted to flee.
I always see her so calm and reserved that when she erupted, I almost didn't believe it was her— if not for my eyes seeing her physically there.
I wanted to comfort her, but I didn't know how to. I wanted to talk to her, but I'm terrified of being rejected and pushed away as she did back then. I wanted to do a lot of things, but my fears kept me immobilized.
"That... brat! How dare she say that to her mother?" I heard my mom cursed under her breath as she was left with those hurtful words.
She didn't really show much of what she was feeling. So I wouldn't know anything. Apparently, hiding our genuine emotions was hereditary, seeing how we were so good at it.
She stood up from her chair and walked out of the kitchen, not saying anything.
Now, it's just me... left to clean our phenomenal breakfast together as a family. Note the sarcasm.
I shook my head and started my work as a cleaner. My only role in this household.
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TO BE CONTINUED...