A week already passed after I learned about Mrs. Potts disappearance from Milvard and Baddock. The pain continuously gnaws at my heart, slowly chipping away the pieces of what was left from the constant heartbreak.
These past few days, I had been distracting myself by gardening or taking a quick stroll in the forest. Sometimes, it calms me, but most of the time, it only adds to the emptiness I felt inside.
No matter what I do, it just won't go away.
I leaned over the fountain and stared at the reflection of my tear-stained face. My eyes are red, my nose is stuffy and red. It hurts to cry. It hurts to even breathe.
The last time I cried this hard was when I lost my Gran two years ago.
I just don't want to be alone anymore.
To ease the pain in my heart, I started working on my garden these past couple of days. I tried making it neater and kept rearranging stuff. Some leaves started to grow out of place, and weeds began growing where they shouldn't be.
Most plants I have here came from Mrs. Potts. She even gave me the Rafflesia flowers that only grow in the southern part of Southsend Province. It was also challenging to get, especially the outskirts of Southsend Province is full of dangerous beings.
I was only 12 at that time, and it was also the first-ever plant she gave me from one of her trips. She never gave anything for free because she sells them just to make a living, especially since she wanted her daughter's education in Cantra, the Capital of Valeza Kingdom, the human land of Zaemis Continent.
[FLASHBACK]
"Wow! Mrs. Potts, I like that blue flower. Where did you get that from?" Little Ol' me asked Mrs. Potts while she arranged the new plants she just brought home after a trip somewhere in the south.
"Oh deary me, I should probably give you one. I know you'll like it," Mrs. Potts replied and smiled widely at me. She went back inside, probably to get the flowers she wanted to give me.
I smiled back at her, too excited to care as my old self almost jumped from joy.
"Here ya go, sweety," She said and handed me a bunch of colorful flowers. I stared at it, gawking at what she just gave me. She shooed me away jokingly and smiled. "You should probably plant that to your garden now, eh?" She suggested, almost as if she was more excited than me.
I stopped staring at the flowers and looked up at her with a big smile plastered on my face. "Yes! I will, Mrs. Potts, and when I have lots of it, I'll give you more in return," I said, almost too giddy while hopping away excitedly.
I looked back only to see Mrs. Potts shaking her head while still smiling at me. I smiled back in returned and continued my trek back to my garden, excited to show these to Gran.
[END OF FLASHBACK]
I stopped the memories from flashing in my mind before I drown myself in them.
Now, thinking back. I never actually gave Mrs. Potts more of those flowers as I promised her. Because after that incident, she never stopped giving me more to plant in my garden.
As a child, my mom wouldn't buy me anything from Mrs. Potts Herb Shop because she said it's a waste of money. I tried convincing her, but only Gran supported me from it. As a result, I ended up just watching, smelling, and touching it from her shop.
But soon, Mrs. Potts had noticed my obsession with her plants, so she gave me some to start with something from her generous heart.
I cried again after remembering all those memories. A more substantial distraction is what I need. I can't deal with this right now.
This garden is too much; everything reminded me of her. Every time I see flowers, it's her I could remember. So to fully distract myself, I went into the forest and climbed a tree- the most enormous tree I could find.
If my garden couldn't comfort me anymore, I would often climb this tree. It's not actually far from home but at least far enough not to be found.
I didn't know how long I stayed there, but I couldn't care anymore. No matter how hard I try, people will always leave me— my dad, Gran, and now Mrs. Potts.
When I was very young, maybe at around 5 years old, my father was murdered. We weren't living here in Phena Village at that time. After his death, we moved from there to here— in our mom's hometown.
I vaguely remembered I was running through the forest and was shouting for help. The memory ends there. I don't really remember much about the incident. It was a harrowing memory that my mind chose to forget.
I thought we will heal through time. But, I was proven wrong. After a few months of moving here, my mom started working out of town. She rarely goes home to care for her two children. As a result, my grandma took it upon herself to make us her responsibility.
My mom may be alive, but it feels like she was dead for being absent for so long. She only went home after half a year and only stayed for a couple of days. Now, I only have my sister and my grandma.
I thought our bond as sisters grew stronger after that incident. But then, I was again proven wrong. My sister started distancing herself from us.
At the age of 10, she started coming home late. No one knows what she does outside. Of course, grandma always scolds her, but she wouldn't listen. I caught her multiple times, sneaking out of the house.
Of course, as a worried and caring sister, I tried to stop her multiple times. But she just got angrier and hateful for trying to stop her. So I just stopped at some point. She's older than me, so she knows what she's doing.
Years went by, I was already 14, and I was having the time of my life. People often praised me for being the perfect child.
I always excel in school, have good manners, mostly know how to do house chores, and the list goes on. To be honest, I liked being praised. It made me feel I was actually significant. It made me think I wasn't ignored and rejected.
But, no matter what I do, the two most important people in my life wouldn't notice all of the things I did. I was delighted when I make my grandma proud. Even if everyone leaves me or turns their backs on me, I won't care as long as I have my grandma with me.
So, I just decided to not care anymore.
Things were getting better even though my mom and sister were so close yet so far. I managed to overcome my insecurities little by little with the help of those people around me. But, mostly, it was thanks to my grandma for never losing her faith in me.
But then, another incident took place, which left my heart to pieces. My grandma had a heart attack and died even before help came. I felt like my world was at a standstill. I felt like I lost everything again— this time more vivid and unforgettable.
It was a fine day at the Tritus house while we were eating our dinner, just the two of us. I was talking non-stop to Gran while she just smiled and laughed occasionally.
It was a pretty typical day, nothing out of the ordinary. My mom will arrive in two weeks. And as usual, Lilianna isn't around. That was a typical day for both of us.
All of a sudden, there were loud banging noises on our front door. We were baffled to hear such loud noise in our quiet house.
My Gran deemed it dangerous, so she told me to wait in the dining room while she got a knife and went to inspect whoever was disrupting our peaceful night.
I didn't actually know what happened.
I just heard a shocked gasp from my grandma while she shouted. "Get the hell away from my granddaughter!" And then a thud noise came after that.
I rushed to see what made my gran shout like her life depended on it. There I saw my sister standing in the doorway, looking bloody, panicked, and scared. I followed her gaze, and I saw my Gran collapsed onto the ground, struggling to breathe.
My adrenaline kicked in, and before I knew it, I was already beside my grandma. When I saw her struggling to breathe, I didn't know what to do.
For the first time in my life, I felt anger towards my sister. I know it wasn't her fault, but she was just standing there. I looked up at her only to find out she was already gone. I really hope she fetched someone to help us.
I tried calming my nerves and focused on what to do next. But things got blurry when I saw my grandma stopped breathing. I tried copying the method I always read in books to save someone from the brink of death; I tried very hard.
I tried, but... it wasn't enough.
I didn't stop doing it until help arrived 30 minutes later. They basically had to pull me off just to make me stop. I was full of sweat and tears.
I was thrashing out of someone's grasp while shouting to save her. It was very chaotic and crazy that they had to sedate me just to calm me down.
I didn't know what happened after that; I just woke up alone in my bed. The house looked cleaned and empty at the same time. It didn't really sink in just yet, but when it did. It hurts like hell.
I was in constant agony for the past couple of weeks. I rarely saw anyone at that point and just bound myself to my room. I had no energy to do anything.
My mom returned home at some point, and she was trying to get me out. But nothing worked. So she just gave up. Things started to get dull, my world was literally black and white.
That incident made me feel like the world is always out to get me and make me suffer. Losing my grandma was the hardest thing I had to get through. I was devastated, frustrated, and heartbroken all at the same time.
Then Mrs. Potts started coming to my house to share stories about her adventures. In the beginning, it doesn't really work, but gradually I was loosening up and started to like her stories.
She even said she would take me on one of her adventures and help me get away from this town. I was done with this place. I wanted to go somewhere far away. But to do that, I'll have to get better.
A year passed after my grandma's death, things were slowly going back in their original place. I was even starting to accept it, but the wound of that incident still left some scars that would never heal in my whole life.
The ache is still there, but it was bearable. Thanks to Mrs. Potts, I was slowly trying to keep moving forward.
Not long after that, my mom told us that she decided to train us in primary self-defense. I was very against the idea since I didn't like such practices, but I thought that this is a perfect distraction from the dull ache I still felt up to this day.
It worked, I felt a lot better after doing it, but I still hate it. Moreover, I felt like this training was a way for me to get closer to my mom and sister.
Our relationship as a family was still very much the same. But I felt like doing this training made me feel closer to them.
Going to our destination requires a small step forward after being thrown a few steps back.
Then Mrs. Potts left again for her trip to Westwyvern Province. I think she was waiting for me to get better before she goes. Once she saw me feeling a lot better than a year ago, she left to do her traveling business.
I didn't really notice Mrs. Potts being gone for too long since I have been focused too much on training with my family.
We are on the road to healing our broken relationship. I may have lost my grandma, but I gained the chance to get closer to my mom and sister.
My mom and I occasionally talked about random things. I know that she's trying her best to make up to us, but it was still a bit awkward to fully get friendly with my mother. When she's home, she randomly asked about how I was doing or how I was feeling, etc.
It was just a simple question, but it made me happy that my mom stayed home more often. I was glad that even if it's a little bit late, she was still trying. Although it doesn't really show that she wants to mend her broken relationship with us, I can still feel it through her actions.
Lilianna and I are still pretty much the same, but we often see each other these days than the past couple of years combined due to our frequent training.
Honestly, I think that was a significant step for both of us. She may always evade me, but I know one day we'll get better.
We'll go back to being inseparable and become partners in crime again.
ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•
TO BE CONTINUED...