I belong to a Mental hospital. Let me tell you why. š
Some years ago on a rainy Friday evening, I was too shy to kiss her even when she asked for it, so I ended up hugging her and running home to avoid the rain. She later called me and said I was not man enough and lacked the requisite excitement she wanted for her life. "Manji, you're just boring, a waste of time and truly, I don't see myself going anywhere with you."
One thing about harsh words is that the person who says them may forget and move on with life, but the person who is told rarely forgets. In my case, I never forgot those words and they kept hurting me so bad. They made me stick with her more as I tried to prove I wasn't those things. A very pathetic situation I found myself in.
I kept in touch over the phone and sometimes through lunch but she kept her distance. One night, I called her and after speaking for some minutes, she handed the phone to a guy who introduced himself as her girlfriend. Mumu me, I was calm and hailed him.
"I heard you are the one who has been in my babe's life since, so tell me, have you ever touched or kissed her before because I think I am having the time of my life now"; he said to me.
Those words even cut deeper and I knew I had to take a stand at this point because it became clear to me I was being ridiculed and insulted. I ended the call and from that day, I kept my distance from her both in the real world and on social media. I got involved with life and forgot about her entirely. When she got married and gave birth to her first child, I found out a few years later.
I decided to take that time to build myself. Between then and now is 10 years and hell yes, my life has gotten a lot better than I ever imagined. But the story didn't end there. Because most nights, I still remember those hurtful words she said to me, I guess, is probably my greatest weakness to forget hurtful words said to me.
Sometimes at the start of the pandemic, I received a call from her and I was surprised I still had her number on my phone because we have not spoken in a very long time; years! My contacts automatically back up to my cloud so I figured that's why it was still there. We exchanged pleasantries and she wasted no time in telling me she was in trouble. (Auwal) that is how she usually calls my name, "I need your help, please. You're the only one who came to my mind and if I had another option, definitely I won't have called you." at first, I thought she was just trying me since almost everyone is feeling the current financial instability so, I told her what I felt would ease her, I could not remember the exact word but, I knew I stammered a bit.
I was surprised in all these years; I was the one she reached out to. Well, she gave birth and her husband's finances have plummeted for several reasons and she was almost exhausted. She needs some money to clear her hospital bill as she just gave birth and is being held in the hospital.
I asked the amount and told her to text her account details. I sent her double the amount she asked for so she can take care of other needs. Before we ended the call, I asked her if she remembered those hurtful words she said to me 10 years ago and she had no memory of it. She couldn't recall ever saying those things to me and even went on to say if she had the chance to be younger again and pick a partner, she would happily pick me over and over again. People say" love hurts" but the reality is, rejection hurts, betrayal hurts, low esteem hurts. People who are looking for love must time confused these feelings but, love is the only thing that cures, rejection, betrayal, raises your low esteem.
I know she was saying the truth because sometimes people forget how much they hurt others with their words because they feel it is not a big deal. They were just catching a cruise and didn't care about the other person. I have seen countless instances.
About 30 minutes later, she sent me a picture of her newborn baby lying on her bosom. "My husband will give him a native name while I will give him a first name. I will name him Joseph, by the way, that is my English baptism name, she couldn't have named him Manji or Auwal either since the husband would complain.
I looked at the picture and all the anger I have built up in my heart for her over these years just melted away. Somewhere in my heart, I still loved her. And maybe that may never change regardless of where she is or who she is with.
Till we get to the Promised Land, I shall be waiting for when you will pass me a glass of water and thank God for the gift of grace for the race.