The memories of my previous life came to my mind suddenly after one year of birth. I was reading a novel because of a friend's recommendation. The first part of the novel is where the female protagonist defeats the villainess who's been harassing her, and then marries a wonderful male protagonist.
The villainess dies eventually and the protagonist soon gives birth to sons and daughters while living a happy life. And I became the reincarnation of the villainess's daughter, not the child of the protagonists.
In defeat, the villainess commits an unforgivable sin and was confined to a very high tower by the male protagonist. Damn it, there was no detailed explanation of the crime. Born as the daughter of a villain in such a low-fidelity novel.
When the memories of my previous life flashed before me, only then did I understand this dark environment in front of me.
Even though I'm a sinner, I can't be separated from my mother, so I'm sure I'm living here too.
"Hyu~"
I peek into the place where I heard a weeping sound.
"…I miss you, Duke. Did you really forget me…"
The villainess in the novel, who is my mother, missed her ex-husband from China, and couldn't look outside the window except for when she breastfed me. This gloomy spire wasn't very suitable for parenting, but in the end, I had to cut it off here. Because that would be my destiny, the daughter of a villainess.
***
There was a huge contradiction in the happy ending of this novel. The protagonists were married and spent three years together, as well as being a good-looking couple and always being polite to each other.
However, with the villainess around, the male protagonist was threatened.
She couldn't just look at them, she tried to keep her place to the very end. However, the novel's fate was on the side of the heroine, not of the villainess. The hero regarded the effort as defeat, and said she had committed a terrible crime that couldn't be forgiven, she was proclaimed a sinner and was locked up in the tower.
And here.
Interestingly enough, the villain's body already had the fruit of the male protagonist.
That fruit was me.
The daughter of a villainess and the male protagonist.
But the Duke wasn't interested in me at all, and my mom misses the Duke all day long, ending up with her spending her nights in tears.
If my destiny is to be born the daughter of a villainess, then so be it.
It's just a fixed story.
And if you don't believe so, then you'd think this was just harsh reality.
But believing will open your mind.
***
Time has passed and I am now two.
When I was able to completely live on my own, I left my mother.
It seems that my mom still misses my father because when I left she didn't care about me.
I can't really remember the details.
Wouldn't it have been a little sad, though?
Is it just my wish?
I left my mother behind, and I entered the doomed orphanage in the empire.
I'm only two years old and can barely walk. And the people who were interested in me just looked at me silently.
She's the daughter of that evil woman, will she be like that woman as well?
Are you going to starve her this much?
Wouldn't the Duke prefer it if she were dead?
They were busy gossiping among themselves even though the boat was making a rumbling sound. It was an environment that was different from the tower. It is dark, dull, and deserted, and it's an environment void of affection.
If I hadn't remembered my previous life, I would be crying everyday. I am fortunate to have the memories of my past life. Shedding tears, it must have bothered me more to see it.
I began to gradually adapt to this malice.
But it seems a little bit painful.
***
I am now six.
At some point, the nursery staff began to bother me.
"I called you. Didn't you hear it??"
He appeared suddenly and made a nonsense argument.
"Are you staring at me? You look like your mother, so you're a match for the west reading!"
It was already difficult to withstand the neglect and coldness, but the most difficult part was the sharp words they would say.
I didn't want to become familiar with this. However, the reality was so harsh that I wasn't able to withstand it.
By the time I became insensitive to this reality, no matter how secretly it has been happening, I was finally noticed by the nursery school director. The nursery manager looked at the embarrassed staff with a lazy and grumpy stare and quietly turned his head to me.
"Who would know if it doesn't leak out?"
The words of the nursery head didn't sound like she was blaming the staff, but rather small permission to encourage what they were doing. From then on, they didn't feel guilty.
***
I am seven years old.
I know it shouldn't be, but now I've been held back.
'Damn story. Damn story'
Should I blame my wicked mother?
Or should I blame those people who made me like this?
Or should I blame the main characters of this novel?
'I want to live in peace.'
During my days of depression, someone new entered the nursery. A pretty woman with a clear and good expression treated me kindly, different from the others. If I get hurt, she would take me somewhere to help clean and heal the wound.
I was very satisfied with this peace, which I've longed for a long time.
'Yes, how could it be that only crazy people are in this nursery school?'
I prayed earnestly that this peace would remain for a long time.
***
Yes, why would peace stay with the daughter of the villain? I headed to the tower with drivers from the nursery at short notice. I was curious about the reason why he was acting as if he should have never met up with me as I took him with me so suddenly like this.
So I told the driver why.
'I should be enthusiastic about my mother's appearance before this all ends'
The diver replied, adding that this was a consideration that they gave me. The last part seems to imply the death of my mother.
'Is this a consideration for me or a consideration for my mother?'
No, this is not a consideration.
It's not a consideration for us, rather an act to help themselves. An act to take a spoonful of their unpleasant guilt.
'They pretend it's for me.'
With no sincerity in their actions.
'I can't even remember my face anymore.'
In the memories of my childhood, my mother was a woman that cried and cried with the longing solely for her husband. There is no way you would want to see a person that lazy.
Still, it was strange that my mom was dying soon. My dad didn't expect anything anyway, but my mom…
When I was a child, when I cried because I was hungry, she gave me milk.
Strangely, if I was in my mother's arms, I would have been warm enough to forget all of the hunger and sadness of my future.
'This will be the last time… So let's keep it in our memory so that you can remember it every time you miss it.'
But there was no need to make that commitment. The appearance of the woman lying in the bed was so different from the woman of my memories. She was so skinny at first glance. Waiting for her demise to come.
Even in my cloudy memories, it was like Yeowon. But not to that degree.
It didn't matter who saw her, she was sick and it seems that she would die soon.
Even her breath would cut off wildly.
"D-duke…"
She was barely breathing, and she was looking for her love right until the end. Looking at it, strangely, my heart seems to be hurting and tears seem to well in my eyes.
The wounds of my past started to hurt. Even until the end, I thought my mom wasn't interested in me… Strangely, my heart hurts.
Glancing, the driver turns his head to the side, but as we make eye contact, he turns away, as if avoiding my gaze.
Go on and on, Duke. I think she has abandoned herself trying to find that husband of hers.
She couldn't call her Duke, so maybe she called her daughter.
Yes, she was also pretending for us.
Her Duke, Duke, Duke.
Her Love, Love, Love.
'Anyway, that person forgot us and went on to live a happy life. Why don't you know that?'
Or you did know about it and just didn't let go?
I hated her, but on the other hand, I understood her. Because of the sad feelings that I kept and cherished for those who didn't look at me until the very end had made more sense at this very moment.
I approached her side carefully, to the gaze that did not turn to me until the end. Then, I carefully placed my hands on hers', which were loose, rough, and dry.
Despite being skinny like a skeleton, the difference between the hand of my adult mother and my young hand was quite large.
This is the last time.
I wanted to hold hands with my mother, so I forcibly stretched her small hand and caressed her finger. As my warmth was added to my mother's cold hands, her gaze slowly shifted toward me.
"My name is Daphne."
"…."
"No one named me, so I named myself. It's pretty, isn't it?"
"…."
I heard that my golden eyes match the color of my dad's, the Duke.
If you look at me and think of your ex-husband, you'll miss him again.
Nevertheless…
I laugh compellingly, to suppress the feelings that well up in me.
In the end, I want to send her off while laughing.
"I understand mom. Because mom isn't really my mother but the wife of the Duke, so I won't forget that…"
"…."
"Don't struggle anymore, sleep well."
Don't wait for dad who won't come, please feel comfortable.
"D…"
Her voice began to bust hard as if trying to say something. However, no other words followed.
As if the voice that couldn't come out was resentful, mother made a whispering sound several times and wept.
Unbearable tears flowed down her skinny face
Her eyes narrowed as if trying to hold back her tears.
I waited for a while, but her closed eyes did not open.
The driver next to her quietly covered her mother's face with a white cloth.
"Goodbye, mom."
That was my last greeting.