Today is November 15, 2010. Elderly ones do say that 20 children, can't play for 20 years. That is the headline that fits my condition today. Kinky has relocated to Lagos one month after she secured that job.
I could not even update this diary as it weighed me down more than I could imagine. We kept on calling each other at first but later subsidized as we were both preoccupied with many duties, same thing with the chatting on Facebook.
The fear that I have lost one of the most valuable things in my life took over my soul. I paid the remaining 5,000 I owed her and she phoned me to say I shouldn't have sent it but I insisted that I had to.
Today is September 17, 2012. Kinky came to Abeokuta and called at my place of work to say Hey to me in the year 2011, I thank God I was able to see her gorgeous face again. She was yet to get married, and I was still hoping that we might still reconnect for marriage soon as we were still on track.
Today is January 18, 2015. She was even so happy to hear about my progress in UI but the latest information as at now is that Kinky has gotten married, her nomenclature has changed to her husband's surname. I'm so emotional that my eyes glistens with tears. If I'm able to meet Kinky again before I die, I just have one question for her. How does it feel for someone to get to the end of life only for him to discover that he had lost some great opportunities?
According to research that was conducted on 100 old people at the point of death in US hospital, these old people were interviewed on their sick beds over what they regret most in their entire life. Nearly all of them said they regretted things they desired so much to do and could have done but failed to do. There is no greatest imprisonment as failing to follow one's heart.
I knew I would be forever happy with Kinky but I failed to follow my heart. I allowed unscrupulous factors such as; the fear of unknown, my polygamous family background, education as a means to attain my position as her eligible husband and many more to draw me back in taking the bold step to be with the love of my life forever.
The fear of unknown includes the thoughts of how I will be able to cater for her and our future children with the little salary I'm collecting as Instructor, how I need to bridge the levelled gabs to become a suitable suitor before I formally face the panel of her parents.
My polygamous family background made me to be too extra ordinarily cautious on marital decisions to avoid the mistake my dad made while education as a means of attaining my position as her eligible husband was childish and uncalled for. The emphasis and importance attached to University degree by the people of my region (South-west) played a vital role in believing that it's a must-have property. I'm a great disappointment to have allowed such belief to influence my decisions in marrying Kinky.
As ICT person, I'm so much aware of the fact that one day, Formal Education System will be faded by Open Education System. I'm a typical example of Open Education benefactor. I have acquired series of skills online through YouTube videos in the areas such as; beat making, mixing and mastering, video editing and directing to mention few. Kinky and I were both crazy in love and it is only genuine love that can make you do crazy things. Abraham would have bargained with God Almighty to give him more children before he could sacrifice his first son, if he didn't get genuine love for God. Jesus Christ wouldn't have laid down his sinless life as a remission for our sinful lives if he didn't genuinely love us. I have dated three (3) girls two years after Kinky left my life, none was like Kinky. I have been hearing the saying that says "No one can adequately and absolutely value what he or she possesses until it is lost." Today, I concur.
Kinky is not only an egg that must be held with optimal care but also a valuable vessel to be treasured than Gold and diamond. Her husband is the second luckiest man on this planet while he who has God is the no 1 luckiest being in the whole of the universe. Many readers of this book may not understand, some may even say can she be as beautiful as some beautiful girls that have won world's beauty pageants, some may even go as far as saying "Is she being laminated in gold or why is the exaggeration too much like this." If you are among these categories of people, take some time to scrutinize why it's generally said that "Beauty is in the eyes of beholder." This is a mystery that even a cursory look cannot decipher but deep relationship. Beauty is not solely depended or defined by impressive facial and outward look. There are other characteristics that are inward and they are the core endowment of genuine beauty. Kinky is one of those rare damsels blessed with those qualities.
Dear Kinky I know it is too late for you to be my one and only wife but I want to believe it is not too late to say "I'm sorry". I'm so sorry to be the cause and the reason we could not achieve our dreams as husband and wife. I'm sorry for being the clueless ICT person who failed to see great opportunities inherent in his professional certificates as a gateway to create the future we both envisage to enjoy. I'm sorry for being the father that our supposed children will never have. I'm sorry for being the love you never have. I'm sorry for being the most delighted memories that was wiped off by new glorious life you find. I'm sorry for denying us the joy we would have had together.
LESSONS TO LEARN
1.There is no genuine love until you love someone you can sacrifice all you have for.
2.Genuine love is not inherent in things that can fade away or perish because it is everlasting.
3.Don't be preoccupied with the worries of tomorrow because you are older than your past, you and your present are age mates but your future is older than you.
4.Don't allow the past to control you in the present as the future will allow you in the present to control her by your efforts to shape your future but some events can't still be altered. It's only God Almighty that knows the beginning from the end or the end from the beginning. For example, you cannot control when and how you will die.
5.Craziness is the brain of greatness. The maker of electric bulb, Thomas, was said to be crazy having attempted it 1000 times but the end result is what is called greatness.
6.Circumstance is not a determinant of circumference. Don't allow situations of things to limit your speed to greatness.
7.When it is due time to defecate, anus will automatically open. Don't rush thing beyond normal
8.Rat always wipe face with his portable hands. Cherish and value what you have when you had it not when you lost it
9.Sharp cutlass needs someone's help to cut grass. Don't despise the help or the assistance of others. Behind every successful man, was a woman.
10.Two are better than one. Love someone for someone to love you.
The euphoric love experiences of the past developed into long last memories that I will never forget. I love you forever. It is important that you know that as at the time I want to close this diary, I'm already in final year at University of Ibadan – B.Sc. Economics. God has used you to make it possible.
TRUTH DECLARATION: No diary was made but the memories made the diary.
DIARY CLOSED ON 23rd January, 2015.