"And then…and then she said I need to 'upgrade' if I ever want a girl like her!"
I was flopping all over the couch like a fish, bawling my eyes out to my roommate turned therapist, good ole Gabe. "Can you believe that? The gall… Dammit Gabe are you even listening?"
"Jonny keep it down! You know I have a migraine!" Gabe was struggling ever since the incident at the comic book shop. He was laying on the other couch with a fat pack of ice pressed against his forehead. "Or did you forget that I'm the one who got tossed through a glass door?" he said. He turned over and looked me right in the eye. "And yes, I can believe it. You wear a goofy gamer t-shirt every day with an unbuttoned plaid shirt covering it. And you still wear those Dre. Beats like it's the 2000's!"
"Oh? Is someone trying to roast?" I spat back.
He took a drawn-out sigh and shook his head. "Seriously Jonny, why would you even want a girl like that? It's so obvious she's shallow. She wants his thunder-cock and money, and he wants to blow her back out then cheat on her for someone prettier. She wouldn't like you for you anyways."
Sometimes I forgot how smart that Gabe was. Behind the glassy eyes, gauged ears, and goofy spiky hair was a wealth of knowledge and advice for his best bro.
"EEK EEK!" Oh, and Monkey the pet monkey too. He knows things, which he decided to remind me by bouncing on my back while I was venting. "EEEK!"
"Monkey says to get a job so you can buy him more bananas…and help pay the rent. After all…" he rolled and pointed towards the mountain of PAST DUE envelopes laying on the table, "we're 3 months behind and facing eviction if you haven't noticed. Hint hint."
'Get a job' he says. 'I want nanas' Monkey says! I guess everyone forgot how hard it was for a young guy with no job experience and a lame business degree to get some moolah around here! It was making my head spin! But then again…
~ He buys me designer clothes and drives a beamer. You'll have to upgrade if you want a girl like me! ~
~ upgrade – upgrade – upgrade ~
"That's it!" I exclaimed. I rolled off the couch onto my feet and pointed at the imaginary light bulb over my head, brimming with excitement. "It's so obvious, the answer was right in front of me all along, Gabe. I'll get a badass job! I'll upgrade myself!"
"There you go, now you're thinking with your head on your—,"
"I'll get so much money so fast. Chanel will be the one begging for my hand in marriage! Among other things – hee-hee-hee!"
"Good Lord Jonny, you're thinking with the wrong head again. Do this for you, not for a girl who doesn't care about—,"
"Monkey! Grab my suit & tie. We're going on a job hunt!"
"OOK EEK!"
And just like that, we bolted out of our tiny apartment filled with new courage and erect with excitement!
…The figure of speech I mean, not that kind of erect. Geez!
Gabe sat there on the couch staring at our backsides, seemingly dumbfounded.
"Close the damn door, you're letting the AC out!" he shouted at no one who was listening, then came another deep sigh. "Well at least he's trying. But…I have a really bad feeling his dick is going to get him killed."
***
I began my grand quest for money and fame in the heart of the city, going from shop to shop – office to office. My otherwise messy dark hair was smoothed over nice and neat, and I was decked out in the standard black suit and tie, along with my thick, black rimmed specs. Not that I needed them, but I figured it would make me look smart. Smarter, that is!
Not even a day later, my phone roared with requests for interviews. I was high on confidence and my wallet was hungry for some Benjamins. Nothing could stop this moment!
"Weeell your resume's pretty unimpressive…and you only graduated with a 2.5 GPA," noted the fat, balding boss man who was interviewing me, stinking up the room with his expensive looking Cuban cigar. This was the local bank not too far from our apartment. It was a short distance, and I heard bank tellers got paid well, for an entry level job anyways, so I thought I'd give it a shot. "Tell you what kid, let me take a look at that credit report!"
~ A credit check for a job? That's a new one. Not that I should be worried, I mean, how bad could it be? ~
I crashed headfirst through the banks entrance and onto the hard pavement just outside the premises. The landing was so unforgiving! But why?
"Come back when you pay off those loans and get some experience, kid!" shouted the fat balding boss. "And here, take your pet monkey with you – he stinks!" Monkey was sent flying right at my face, knocking me right back onto the ground with a hard SMACK!
"Man this sucks!" I pouted. But I wouldn't give up here– not so easily anyways. I adjusted my suit and tie, grabbed Monkey, and we set off for the other job prospects. Surely one of them would take a young, handsome twenty-something with a lame business degree, right? Right?
***
Well, I guess I was halfway right. Rejection after rejection – fail after fail, I finally got a job! Only it wasn't much of a job.
"Here's your Pumpkin Spice Latte ma'am," I muttered with as much false enthusiasm as humanly possible. I handed the well-off looking lady her drink through the window. To think I would have to start my quest for money and fame as a barista. Least they could do is send some eye-candy through the drive-thru, just someone nice to look at…instead of wrinkly old rich ladies. Still, it's a start, I suppose.
"AY! What's the hold up? Where my drank at?" shouted an annoyingly familiar voice almost drowned out by an even more obnoxiously loud engine revving.
"Woops! Sorry about that," I said, spinning back to the window. "Here's the Caramel Macchi…" my eyes wept, my heart began to race, and my teeth started to grind once I saw who was at the window. "You have got to be kidding me."
His impatient frown turned upside down into a mocking grin and his face lit up. He recognized me just as fast as I recognized him. "Ha! Lame ass boy got a lame ass job!"
~Deep breaths Jonny – deep breaths…We're doing this for money and possibly Chanel. This clown is irrelevant. ~
Cameron of all people…here? Now? Why? Just to torment me more? I know his big ass doesn't drink coffee, so why? Anyways, I remembered the deep breathing that Gabe taught me and tried to proceed like normal.
"Here's your 'drank' sir," I said through gritted teeth and sweat pouring down my face. He yanked the beverage from my hand and ripped open the top. He looked at it, then looked at me, then poured the coffee all over the pavement, making sure to not break eye contact with me as he did so.
"Look at this shit. It's disgusting. Make another one and make sure to do it right this time, punk!"
He was really testing my resolve. I wanted to shove his face in the coffee grinder then piss in it, but I had a job to do – a goal. And no muscle head was going to stop that! I quickly finished brewing his drink, again, and handed it to him with a convincing smile, again. Okay, my arms were quaking with pure, unfiltered rage, but that's beside the point!
"Don't mean to be so hard on ya' lil' homie, but this drinks not for me. It's for someone special."
"Is that right?" I said.
"Yea, it is. Chanel's waiting for it back at my crib." My eye began to twitch. He raised his chin as if he knew he was getting to me, then continued, "You remember Chanel, right? The perfect 10 you thought you had a chance with?"
~ Stay focused Jonny, don't give in. 'Cooler heads will prevail' and all that jazz. ~
"I wish you could've seen her last night. The way I had her on my King-sized waterbed, rubbing my chest and stroking my beautiful, long beard."
I could feel the bile coursing through my body… "and the way she handled that BBC,"
I ripped the entire cash register from its bolted down position and chunked it through the window, nailing Cameron right in his ugly mug and peppering him with shards of glass from the window in the process. His flailing around and swearing were pure honey to my ears. I may not have accomplished anything, but I sure felt damn good shutting him up!
My lanky looking manager tapped me on the shoulder and stuck his hand out, asking for my apron. I gladly chucked it at his face and moon-walked out of that building with two middle fingers in the air. "Revenge never felt so good!" I shouted at the heavens. But my moment of adrenaline and triumph would only be temporary. As I walked home through the city, reality finally started to set back in, reminding me that I was right back where I started. "Okay so I'm back at square one. No job, no money, and no Chanel." What was I to do? The future sure seemed…hopeless.
I had my head down, blasting MJ's "Stranger in Moscow" as I walked down the street. It was perfect for my "uncertain" mood, plus I just loved the guy. The bass was bumping extra hard through my expensive Dre. Beats headphones. But there was something even louder than MJ at the moment, something so loud that it caused me to stop in my tracks and remove a headphone.
"Wait! Don't leave me," shouted an unfamiliar feminine voice. "We're not done yet!"
A lady in trouble? With a cute voice? Someone must have really wanted my attention! I sprinted down the street and turned a corner to the heart of the racket. A slender guy with burning hot cheeks stormed out of an office suite, shouting obscenities and stomping his feet on the way out.
"Screw this job! I don't care how hot you are, I'm not sticking around to get killed," he yelled.
What came after was what really stole my attention…and possibly my heart! An elevated lady with lofty purple hair and a pearly white lab coat hysterically chased after the guy until she tripped over something and lurched over onto the ground. I couldn't help but hold back a snort. She lifted herself up, ran a hand through her purple hair, and adjusted her designer glasses. That's when the sun lit up her face and showed me just how gorgeous she was. She left her lab coat open, showing off the nearly completely unbuttoned office shirt that was underneath - puffed out by her magnificent bazongas that were only hidden by the Victoria Secret lingerie underneath. Oh yeah, I'd recognize those babies anywhere! And the short pencil skirt hugging her waist and leaving her smooth legs on display was a nice touch! Ho-ly Lord, she was banging!
"Curses," she shouted. "That's the third test dummy I've lost this month!" Banging but a bit goofy. Anyway, when I finished wiping the drool from my mouth, I walked towards her while she was still pounding a fist to the ground. "I'll never get these experiments finished…"
"AHEM! Everything okay, umm…pretty lady?"
I noticed her glance at me through the corner of her eye before a sly grin grew across her face. She looked up and gave me a puppy dog look before turning away and covering her face with her hands…then peeking at me for a moment to make sure I was still watching. "It's horrible…it's so horrible!"
"What's so horrible? Come talk to Jonny and let me make it better! I'll even hold you if you want!" I was in full simp mode. A gorgeous damsel crying for help? How could I resist!
She sniffled and wiped a nonexistent tear from her eye as she peered back up at me with big hopeful eyes. "Oh, a kind stranger?" she said, clasping her hands together as I loomed closer to her. "It's just that--" She looked away again, playing up her state of depression as she held a hand to her forehead dramatically like some fainting southern belle. "I'm in so much trouble, I won't be able to make deadlines if I don't have a test dumm… I mean, an assistant to aid me in my research and development. I'm in such a bind!"
"What deadlines? For what?" I asked, and suddenly the purple-haired babe peered over at me with a look akin to 'gotcha!' reflecting in her eyes.
"Well, as you can see my last assistant wasn't dedicated enough to his work. I'm a scientist. I work in dimensional particle singularities and molecular transmigration---" Seeing my eyes glaze over with disinterest as much as ignorance, her own eyes narrow and she briskly moved on, explaining in simpler terms.
"I do science stuff for money, and I need someone to volunteer to help me run my tests." She spoke slowly now, and louder for some reason. Anyway, it sounded like a job offer, and jobs meant money, and money meant I was closer to my lofty goals of claiming sweet Chanel as mine!
"The only catch is....it can be a little dangerous at times. Extreme, even... It would put you in quite a bit of risk..." The scientist began, and I glanced over at her slowly, then replayed the image of that guy walking away completely pissed. There was something iffy by the way this chick was so eager to find someone to fill the job. I began to slowly pivot away, all the while looking at her suspiciously like she's about to turn into a werewolf at any second.
"Wait! It pays really, really well!" She saw me retreating and raced forward to catch my arm.
~She's touching me! Her hands look so soft and dainty, dammit, focus, Jonny! It's a trap! My spidey senses are tingling, and---maybe something else too now that I get a closer look at this science babe. Woof! --Ugh! Fight it, Jonny, don't look her in the eyes! Boobs? No! Look at her eyes, look at her eyes!!~
"High risk – High reward, right? And you look like a big, strong, brave guy..." She cooed at me, her round doe-eyes half-lidded with a sultry look on her face. She began stroking my arm, and I could see pretty well down her unbuttoned blouse from this close.
"Pppprrrrrrr," ~ Did I just pur? Oh no-- ~
She had me before I knew it. Her sexy hips wiggled in her skirt, the fabric slowly inching across the swell of those creamy thighs. ~ Lord help me, I'm a dead man... ~
"I'd do anything for you," I hear myself say in a lustful stupor. I have no control over my mouth at this point, or my body for that matter, as she moves closer and her breasts brush my arm.
~What the hell did I even agree to? Doesn't matter...bewb.~
"Great! Can you start tomorrow?" The cute scientist chimes, all traces of depression and desperation gone just like that.
My eyes locked on to the soft breast pressed into my arm--a bulge slowly forming in my pants. All the blood in my brain is gone, leaving me with only one-word replies. "Yes," I say on reflex.
"Awesome! My name is Doctor Murasaki! It is so kind of you to volunteer as my new test dumm… I mean, assistant! I promise you'll be well compensated for your time, Mr. uh," Dr. Murasaki smiled at me, awaiting my answer.
"Oh uh! J-Jonny, Jonny B. Jizzin..." I manage to say.
"Bee, jizzin'?" She narrowed her eyes at me, confused.
"It stands for Benjamin. And the surname, well that's a long story," I say flatly as she removed herself from my arm.
The doc shrugs her shoulder, not keen on pressing the issue but excited nonetheless as she instructs me further. "Alright, Mr. Ben-- Jonny. Meet me here at the Armstrong Research Center. In the basement, that's where my lab is. I look forward to seeing you bright and early! Seriously, don't be late..." She warned me with a sudden cold tone, completely out of character from what I had seen.
I gulped hard but just nodded. Fear and anxiety welled up inside of me now that I had blood flow back to my brain and could absorb what just happened. The Doc seemed content and headed inside the tall corporate-looking building, leaving me to mull over what I just agreed to. Then again, there wasn't much to agonize over. Some pretty doctor lady had just given me a job that apparently paid really, really well. Dollar signs lit up my eyes as I walked back home all the while daydreaming about gorgeous Chanel in my arms as we floated across the pacific in my Mega-Yacht with all my pet giraffes, because why not?
***
I got home feeling pretty damn triumphant. I had set out to get myself a job, and I had done exactly that. Even Gabe seemed happy for me, beaming at me from the couch – still pressing an icepack to his forehead. Though I didn't bother to elaborate as to how such an opportunity fell in my lap. Let the guy be happy, I'd worry about the small stuff later. After playing video games and reading my new lewd manga, I slipped into a sound sleep that night. Enthusiastic about what awaited me in the morning.
As I slept, I dreamed - envisioning myself driving in my hot new McLaren 720S. My insanely expensive sports car draws all the attention as I speed by so fast the pure wind off my sweet ride rips the skirts off of some high-school girls passing by. I pull up to a sunny beach on a perfect day and step out of the driver's seat in slow motion as the camera pans over my sick 3-piece suit, tailored to fit me better than a second skin. I pull my aviators off and give a smoldering look as several beach bunnies rush over. All buxom and bouncy giddiness as they throw themselves at me, wrapping themselves around my waist and laying across my McLaren. All of them are clad in bikinis that leave very little to the imagination. They paw at me cooing in my ears.
"Looking good, Jonny!" one girl says.
"Can I have a ride, Jonny?" A sultry brunette on my arm says while running her hands through my hair. Damn, that feels good--
"Me too! Me too!" some of the other girls cry and bounce on the toes, their breasts jiggling enticingly in my face.
"Calm down, calm down, Jonny's got enough for all of you! You can all have a ride on the B. Jizzin express!" I announce with pride and confidence.
"I wasn't talking about the car, Jonnnnyyy." The brunette coos at me again, and I give her a sly look.
"I know, neither was I." My reply is so suave it causes the girls to collectively swoon and paw at me some more.
I was feeling like an absolute king all-in-all, but a sour note hit as my eyes come to rest on two familiar figures standing on the beach in the distance. Chanel and Cameron were standing side by side. Cameron, Chanel, and I all lock eyes. I smolder as hard as I can, and Cameron glares back, doing the same. Chanel, unimpressed by the muscle-bound idiot next to her, shoves the tool aside and runs towards me.
My heart swells, along with my pants, as I start to run for her as well, tearing myself from the grasps of my adoring groupies. We run to each other, the time seemingly slowing down as our feet crash into the sand dramatically with each step. It's like a scene from Baywatch as Chanel's perky breasts jiggle and rebound tautly in her black bikini. I'm suddenly bare-chested, ripped, and oiled--running at her with my manly chest full of hair. I could even grow a beard and chest hair if I really wanted to. ANYWAY! We crash into each other's arms, embracing and staring into each other eyes, while Cameron cries into a caramel macchiato, flailing his meaty arms in the background.
"Oh, Jonny! You're so much cooler than Cameron!" Her voice is as soft as satin and each time those plush lips of hers open up it's like the clouds clearing overhead and heaven shining down upon me. She caresses my chest, running those beautiful well-manicured nails through the bed of hair. "You're so much manlier than Cameron too, you could totally grow chest hair and a way better beard than his. In fact, his beard is stupid..." Chanel all but sings into my ear.
Her breath tickling my skin. My eyes roll back into my head as her fingers find their way down to my waist, running lightly across the exposed skin. There's a heated look in her verdant eyes as she sinks to her knees, chewing those beautiful lips in hungry anticipation as she pulls her dark hair back into a ponytail. I have to remind myself to breathe as her hand finds the bulge in my pants and pets it appraisingly.
"Chanel," I coo at her, unable to contain my lust as she pets me a few times more, my girth growing more rigid and hungry with each caress. Her elegant fingers find their way to my fly and the sound of the zipper going down slowly makes my heart pound in my chest. Her lips look so delicious and glossy as she runs her tongue over the bottom one suggestively. She slowly reaches into my pants and---
BWEEEEPPP! BWEEEEPPP! BWEEEEEP!
The alarm goes off, well, alarmingly, and I'm jolted upright from my sweet dream. Half of my face covered in drool as my hazy recollections flood back. My heart practically breaks as I discover it was all just a dream all along. The only thing that remained from it was the tent I was pitching under my blanket. Well, I'll have to take care of that before Work! That's right! I had gotten a job the other day, and today was my first day! My mood perked up remembering the cute doctor and how she had said I'd be earning a ton of cash! Doing what? Hell if I knew, but as long as it brought me closer to my ultimate goals of claiming Chanel as my own, I'd put my nose down and do it! ~ Anything for my angel! ~
I head for work, returning to the Armstrong Research Center, and continue to the 'R and D' department in the basement as instructed. Doctor Murasaki is in her lab, peering down at a clipboard as she examines a computer screen in her enclosed office. The rest of her lab is an open space, filled with experiments of all kinds, and machinery too. Most of it looks extremely complex and expensive. I gawk at everything waiting for Murasaki. She takes notice of me standing there in my plaid flannel and slept-in FNAF T-shirt with my Dre. Beats headphones around my neck. I wave at her tentatively and she calls over.
"Ah! Good morning, Jonny! I'll be right with you, just give me a moment." I see her round her desk and begin retrieving a stack of papers from the drawer.
Meanwhile, my eye is drawn to the large gyro-thingy that seems to be floating over a small pedestal on one of the tables. The way it floats and spins is fascinating, maybe some kind of anti-gravity field like in my sci-fi mangas? I move over to it and watch it spin, fighting every urge in my body to touch it. ~Touch it. Just give it a little poke. It's so flippin' cool! Just one little touch! C'mon, don't be a wimp... ~
My hand reaches out slowly, but I stop myself, clasping it to my chest, knowing that if I mess up here it might be my last chance to get a job that could make me rich quick! ~ I am nothing if not a man of principle, persistence, and culture! ~ I puff out my chest filled with pride at what a decent human I am.
Then Monkey popped out of nowhere and poked the gyro. It shoots across the lab, rebounding off of other machines before hitting an overhead lamp and speeding off through the roof, leaving a hole. I just stare at Monkey.
Monkey stares back. "Ook?"
"Monkey, you sabotaging bastard! What are you doing here? Did you follow me here from home?" Apparently, Gabe's goofy ass fell asleep and let Monkey escape. But how he knew where to find me I have zero clue.
I didn't have time to worry about that as the Doc finally appeared with a chipper look on her face. Those designer glasses slouching on her nose as she stares over the frames at me. "Glad you decided to join us, Jonny. Here are your NDA and liability whatnots. Just some junk you need to sign before we get started. No biggie!" the doc chimed flippantly though briskly as she shoved a pen in my direction.
Ignoring the red flags, I shrug my shoulder and take the pen she offered me, signing away my life for a chance at that sweet cash and sweet, sweet Chanel.
"Goooooood," The doctor coos as she watches me scribble my name intently.
As soon as the last letter lay inked into the paper, she snatched them from my hands and held them behind her back with a wide smirk on her lovely face.
"Now! On to your first assignment! Follow me please!" the doc chirped and motioned to the back of her lab, her violet hair swaying as she skipped off like a happy schoolgirl. She brought me to a back room with a projector and a long desk with some lights that came from under it, giving the room a dark theatrical atmosphere. She gestured for me to have a seat, and I stared at the projector without really thinking too much of it, but I was still confused. I nearly sat on Monkey, who insisted on keeping tow, and for some reason, the Doc hadn't said anything about him yet. So no harm, no foul, right?
"The needs of my clients vary between jobs, and if I don't meet deadlines, my funding will be cut, and you will be out of a job. Therefore, you will be fulfilling a variety of tasks for me. A bit like a personal assistant. Sounds simple, right?" Doc began, taking her place beside a podium next to the projector screen. She smiled at me effortlessly. I smiled back and nodded.
~ Sounds simple enough. Where was the danger in that? ~
"Good! Now on to the details of your first task. A team of astronauts sent from NASA were on assignment to the moon. They were supposed to report back within days of arrival, but they never did. A task force of EPF officers, that's the Earth Protection Force, you'll learn more about them, was sent to investigate. They too have gone completely radio silent. This team was headed by Captain Astrea Star, but the last communications we've received from them was not promising." Doc Murasaki strikes a key on a nearby laptop and a voice transmission comes on. It's a frazzled mix of static, yelling, and sirens. A loud thunderous noise rings out over the speaker's voice, abruptly ending the recording. The only intelligible words that can be heard are, "Warning! Intruder Alert!"
"I have a hunch something foul is afoot." The Doc's tone is deathly serious, but she continues.
Doctor Murasaki peered over her glasses at the screen that was being projected and pulled a remote with a button from her pocket. Pointing it at the projector, she hit the switch. "I thought this might make a few things easier for you to understand, so please pay close attention," she said in a steady tone and then began speaking loudly and slowly again. Click!! An image of a cartoonish person hunched over with buckteeth and flies circling him appeared on the screen.
"I need you to travel there." Click! The goofy-looking character appeared to load himself into a childish-looking rocket that then fires itself at the moon. Crashing into the surface of it, the character stumbles out dazed with cliché stars floating around his head.
"Find the established forward base and investigate." Click! The character gets up, walks over to a dome looking structure (falling on his face thanks to his uncoordinated steps), and knocks on a metal door, which opens to reveal an alien with a bulbous head and blaster in his hand.
"Then report back!" Doctor Murasaki beamed.
~Really? A whole slide show just for that? ~ I can only guess the expression on my face is completely flat as I mull over what I've just heard. The whole thing sounding so preposterous that I can't help but burst out laughing, nearly falling on the floor.
"Holdup, holdup, holdup!" I say as I gasp for air in between my choruses of laughter. I finally regain myself just enough to get the words out. "So, you, want me to go to the moon?" I slammed my fist on the table laughing so hard I wheeze. ~I knew she thought I was an idiot but what did she take me for? ~
"It could be extraterrestrial interference! This is important!" Doctor Murasaki insisted with a stamp of her foot.
"You honestly think aliens are up on the moon kidnapping astronauts? You're nuts lady!" I spat back at her and sat back in my seat putting my feet on the table defiantly.
The doc is stoic and stares sternly at me, not budging. The look in her eye makes me hesitate and I set my feet back down, granting her some leeway.
"You really think aliens are up there attacking NASA employees?" I ask, my tone more level and open.
"Yes, and I need someone willing to go up there and find out what's going on. The EPF taskforce and those other Astronauts might need rescue! What if they're in trouble?" She was tense but sincere as she pleaded.
I still wasn't quite convinced and just sat there frowning at her wild story. Murasaki gazes at me, that sultry heat coming into her eyes. She approaches me and sets her backside onto the table in front of me. Those creamy thighs are flashed in my face once again, and I feel the blood rush from the crown of my head to the crown of somewhere else.
"What happened to my big, strong, brave, man?" she cooed and touched my collar, drawing circles up my neck with her manicured index finger. "Don't you want to be a hero?" she uttered lowly, staring into my eyes and hypnotizing me with that pretty face and those break-neck curves. "Plus, I'm sure Captain Astrea will be so thankful. She might even reward you. She's single y'know, and she has a lot in common with the heavenly bodies she travels, if you get my drift." The doc leaned forward and whispered into my ear. I gulped, my mind already running away with itself as beautiful anime girls in skin-tight space suits fill my mind's eye.
I puff air out of my nostrils pumping myself up at this new bit of information. "You had me at, 'if you get my drift,'" I say confidently, crossing my arms over my chest.
The doctor looks at me flatly. "But that was the last thing I said, oh never mind! Let's just get started then!"
The Doc was quick to usher me out of the room. I still had a few questions about this 'task' I had been settled with. For instance… "And how am I going to get to the moon exactly?"
My question seems to be a sound one, but Murasaki just grins at me from over her shoulder and continued to insist that I follow her. We trace our way to the back of the lab where another elevator is waiting. This one only goes deeper down. I board with her hesitantly, narrowing my eyes at pretty doc-sensei, but she remains enigmatic as the elevator descends, and I feel my stomach slowly creep into my throat. ~ Did she actually have some kind of rocket down here? ~
I'd have all my answers soon enough as the doors slid open and I'm greeted with the sight of another lab, though the machines in this one are much larger and there's cooler air down here, so cool it leaves a light mist in the air. The fog dissipates as we walk closer and I can see a multitude of machines all gathered around one giant ring-like device that gives me flashbacks of that movie Stargate.
"Whoooa," I marvel.
As we approach it, I crane my head back just to get a good look at it. The Sci-Fi weeb in me is dazzled but another part of me wonders what the humongous ring-thing does. Doc seems intent on moving on and practically pushes me along. I comply, but I take my damn time as gravity mysteriously increases on me and I lean back, forcing Murasaki-sensei to put her weight into moving me. It's kinda cute how she grun---Ah! The doc gives me a good shove forward, and I stumble into a metallic booth that was about the size of a port-o-potty.
"Oh, good idea. The first rule of road trips, use the bathroom before you leave." I start to undo my pants looking around for whatever whack-a-doo machine that counts for a toilet in this place, but the doc shouts.
"No! You imbecile, don't you shit in there! That's the EMU distributor!" I buckle my pants up, a little disappointed, but I still watch the woman climb a short flight of stairs to a control panel.
My attention was suddenly taken up by the light flickering in the booth I'm in. "Is this supposed to happen?" I point at one of the bulbs and ask with a tone absolutely dry of confidence.
"Yes, it's taking your measurement. Hold still!" Murasaki barks and continues to fiddle with buttons as the machine whirls up, lighting up around me with a light bright enough to nearly blind me. My body feels warm as I process what the doc just said.
"Measurements?!" I grab my package and wrap my other arm around my body and shrink into myself protectively. "My virtue!"
Doc is looking visibly annoyed with my antics. "Stay still, it's just fitting you with an EMU, Extravehicular Mobility Unit. It's an enviro-suit that will help you adjust to the stresses of space. You'll need it in case you encounter hostile extraterrestrials. This one is a special prototype I've been working on. You'll be testing it."
"So, a spacesuit?" I ask, still kind of foggy on what this thing is supposed to do.
"Yes, a spacesuit," Murasaki-sensei replies, her patience waning.
"An experimental spacesuit you haven't tested yet?" ~ I'm not that dumb, and seriously is she still going on about this alien stuff? ~ I start wondering how long I have to jump out of this thing before it tries to re-code my DNA like some bad sequel of that movie 'The Fly.'
"You'll be fine." The doc doesn't seem keen on giving me the chance, and I freeze in terror as little light beams start shooting out of the bulbs and scanning over my body. A hundred thoughts run through my mind as to what's going to happen. ~ Am I about to be chopped up? Disintegrated? Gasp! Turned into a furry?!? ~
Instead, I feel the heat on my body dissipate as the machine whirls to life, and slowly prints nanomesh across my body. Finally, I'm suited in a sleeker more form-fitting version of an EMU. I stare down at my gloved hands, bewildered. Letting out a laugh, my mouth hangs open a little stunned. The reality of what I'm doing and what I'm about to do starts setting in. Murasaki gestures for me to step out and head into the next room. It's the one containing the large ring-like machine. I can see now it's sitting behind a very clear sheet of glass that encapsulates it.
"I'll get the door open. Just head inside and wait on the marked platform. There will also be a table with a weapon for self-defense in the case of hostiles, and a translator. Please insert that into your ear and holster your weapon before you enter the transmitter," I hear the doc's voice chime in from a loudspeaker overhead as she continues to direct me.
I step inside with a small mix of apprehension and excitement welling up in me. My attention shifts over to the table, and as Murasaki has mentioned, there is something that is reminiscent of a handgun, but it looks more like something you'd see in Wolfenstein. It's modified to a strange point, and there doesn't look to be any chamber for a clip of bullets. I'm hesitant to take the thing. I've never held a weapon like this before, and like everything else here, I have no idea what it does. Despite that, I finally take it and holster it into a slot on the outer thigh of my suit. The thing next to it mirrors a Bluetooth headset perfectly, but according to doc-sensei, it's a translator.
"What you have there is an energy-based weapon. Do use extreme caution when discharging it. The other device goes right into your ear. It will translate any known languages it detects," Doc clarified over the speakers and continued adjusting levels on the machine for the transmitter. I fit it into my ear and then focus my attention on the ring-like machine that's slowly spinning.
~ Is this supposed to be a teleporter? ~
My guess appears to be right on the money as Doc-sensei chimes in again over a loudspeaker somewhere in the room. "This is a particle-transmitter. It will atomize you and reassemble you on a hub installed on the moon."
With her curt explanation done, the purple-haired scientist starts up the machine. It thrums to life, the center ring beginning to spin so fast it creates a gale of wind that sweeps my hair back. I squint as the center of the ring begins to glow, slowly at first. Then like a firework going off, the light spreads and becomes a pool of shimmering stars suspended inside the ring. I'm not sure what to do at first. I look at doc-sensei still standing in the control room. She nods at me with confidence in her eyes and gives me a thumbs up.
Not as confident, I hesitantly toss one back her way before taking a deep breath. ~ You wanted this Jonny-boy. Just think of the money, hell maybe even the fame! Then Chanel will be like putty in your hands. Conceited Cameron won't stand a chance then! ~ I'm feeling encouraged by those thoughts and take a deep breath letting that courage swell in my chest as I start towards the machine. This is it!
"EEEEEKKKKK!!!"
The sudden shrill cry of Monkey steals my attention as I whip around just in time to see him throw his entire weight at my face. The world goes dark and suddenly smells like spoiled bananas, and Doritos. I bumble and flail around trying to pry the damn monkey off of my face, but his ape-strength out does my weeb-boy strength and I trip over due to his panicking weight.
"MONKEEEYYYY!!! GET OFF!" I scream, suddenly realizing I've stumbled straight towards the transmitter. Doc-sensei is shouting over the loudspeaker.
"You clutz! The transporter is only meant for humans!"
My heart begins to race as I fall through the transmitter, and I feel my entire body go weightless as Monkey and I are seemingly stretched apart. All I can hear are my own painful screams and the labs alarms blaring overhead, "WARNING! WARNING"! Something has gone terribly wrong and Monkey might just be the literal death of me, but I had no time to strangle him as our bodies are quickly split apart, piece-by-piece, down to their atoms. It feels like my whole being has been shot out of a giant intangible slingshot as I'm sent flying through a tunnel full of blinding light. My mind spins in pure panic, and the only thoughts in my head are pure anger towards my sabotaging pet and wondering what'll happen to my beautiful face. "God dammit, Monkey! Look what you did?!? I knew it, it's 'The Fly' all over again! Save me, Jeff Goldblum!!"