"So, Nijima-kun," the detective said, looking straight ahead as we reached the automatic doors of the hall; "what assessment have you made of me?"
The rest of the trip had been silent, and although I was not talkative, it seemed to me that the detective had purposely kept silent. As if she was waiting for something from me; possibly a reaction.
For my part, perhaps it was a fear that I was afraid would come true that prevented me from saying anything. I felt that she had not been playing fair with me. Also, if I said anything without thinking, I would surely come to regret my words.
But once we got to the hall, she knew I wouldn't be the one to make the first move. She had asked me this question, which had momentarily surprised me.
I stopped walking, letting her continue a few meters without me; before she realized that I was not following her anymore. She stopped in her turn, and turned back to me, staring at me with her now gray eyes under the orange light of the hall.
She seemed relatively confident, as usual. However, it was clear that I would have the last word. For she had much more to lose in the matter; if people were to learn what I had seen, both in that apartment and on that mountain road.
"What about you?" I answered to counter her question.
She then put her hands in her pockets, still looking me straight in the eyes, which made me a little uncomfortable. She didn't blink much, as if she didn't want to miss anything she had in front of her.
"You seem to have a gift for reading the body language of the people around you," she said in a detached voice. "And I must admit, it could prove useful to me."
A gift? Not really. I had spent hours observing people's expressions and gestures, if only to try to understand them. I figured that if I knew what their state of mind was, I could easily adapt to a situation that I usually couldn't read.
But even with that, I still felt a certain gap, between me and those around me. A sort of impassable barrier, which I would try to climb over, before falling back heavily.
"You have some doubts, after what happened last night, right?" She asked me.
More than doubts, I still needed to take stock of everything I had experienced in the last few days. It was too much for someone as peaceful as me.
And as I didn't answer and remained silent, she felt obliged to add something.
"What I told you back then was the truth. Even if it sounds completely insane. But as insane as it may be, you yourself witnessed it."
True. To calm me down and get my attention, she had revealed this information about herself. And to have it brought to my attention so suddenly put things into perspective.
We were only three, maybe four meters apart, but it felt like the distance between us was much greater than that. As if we should never have crossed paths.
But to me, those few meters also represented more than just an understanding; more than a possible arrangement between us.
As if taking those few steps to get to her would change my world. And maybe, without even realizing it, I had already taken the first step towards her.
A first step that had brought so many questions, and so little time to address them.
So yes, I was full of doubts, both about her, and about myself.
Yet, as I saw her standing there and looking at me, and no one else, I felt something awaken inside me.
Like... an irrepressible urge to know more about her.
Was it even normal to feel this way about another person?
I had never been very curious about other people, until now. Not to the point of getting involved with someone like that. And that required some thinking.
Still looking her straight in the eyes, and with my usually neutral expression, I answered.
"I'd like some time, to think about it in more detail."
She smiled a little - either because she accepted my approach, or because she was expecting this kind of reaction - and rummaged in one of her pockets to take out a new business card.
Then she walked towards me, covering the few meters that separated us as if it were nothing, and handed me the object.
"When you have found your answer, let's meet again to give our respective evaluations," she said with a smile.
I took the card, which this time already had an address scribbled on the back, and when I looked up, the detective was already out of sight.
Almost as if she had never been there.
I stood still for a moment, amidst the people who continued to walk in and out of the hotel.
Maybe she just didn't trust me enough to include me in whatever she was doing. And that was normal, given our very recent relationship.
I was also probably confused by the fact that I had reacted so quickly when I knew she was in danger. I still didn't know what made me run like that. Or rather, I knew it was the right thing to do at the time. It was the first thing that came to me, in the heat of the moment.
But was that really all there was? Had I really acted because it was the most logical choice, or had I acted because I was afraid something would happen to her?
Probably both.
I had been afraid of losing my one and only lead to my emotions.
A lead that might not even be human...
'I can't die.'
I hadn't yet been able to ask her what she had meant by that. And that phrase haunted me like a resentful ghost.
I had already been unsettled by her way of proceeding, during the affair, but also before that, when we had met in that inn near Kosuge.
It was strange, the way she had addressed me. It was as if she didn't mind at all my behavior, which put off so many people. It even seemed to me that it amused and fascinated her at the same time. But maybe I was wrong.
I took my cell phone out of my pants pocket, and saw that I had been in that hotel room for over an hour already. It was time for me to go home. And if I got tired of resting, I could always study this project that Mr. Chiba wanted me to take part in.
Finally outside in the street, I found myself carried away by a human tide of passers-by filling the whole sidewalk. I heard people laughing, others talking on the phone, bits of social conversation reaching my ears.
Seeing so many people all of a sudden - and being surrounded on all sides by a compact crowd - threw me off a bit. I wasn't really used to going out on weekends, let alone voluntarily being in dense pedestrian areas. This pushed me to the side, against the front of an electronics store, to catch my breath.
Behind me, a dozen or so televisions, of different sizes and brightnesses, were all showing the same news channel on a loop. I turned around to follow the headlines, just to calm down a bit, and saw the same news as earlier that morning.
There wasn't much new, and I got lost in reading the different headlines scrolling across the bottom of the screen on the news banner.
The same news, about a young woman who had disappeared near her home, came up again; followed irretrievably by the weather, and then by a new update on the international news.