***Trigger warning for this chapter, account of rape and abuse, not graphic, to skip the account do not read between the starred lines below***
As Graham held Aubrey he went over the evening in his mind trying to make sense of the situation he was in right now. Yes he'd been expecting to be holding Aubrey, but not with her crying. Not with fabric between them and not like this. Graham tried to calm his frustration at the situation he found himself in currently. He knew Aubrey would need his understanding and not his frustration.
After she'd stopped crying Aubrey excused herself to go to the bathroom. He heard the water running in the sink. Graham grabbed a shirt to put on and a few minutes later Aubrey returned. Graham could tell she'd washed her face and adjusted the robe.
Graham met her and grabbed her hand and walked to the loveseat. Aubrey followed him but her gaze never met his. Once he sat, Graham held his arms out to her as she sat down and snuggled into him. He kissed her head and said, "Are you okay?"
Aubrey shook her head. "Graham, I'm sorry. I thought I was ready for this. And I know what happened but it may be hard for me to tell you."
"You don't have to tell me, if you're not ready." Graham reassured her even though he really did want to know.
"You don't know how amazing you really are. And I think I need to tell you, but you'll have to be patient with me. Which I feel bad even asking since you've already been so patient."
"Just tell me how I can make it easier on you."
"Hold me and just let me talk, I can answer any questions at the end."
"I can do that." Graham said and pulled her in closer.
"So you're only the second guy to see me naked. The first was my high school boyfriend. Our parents were friends and we're so excited that we were dating. After a while he wanted to go all the way but I wasn't sure I was ready. He expressed understanding but would keep asking. One night we were at his house alone, he brought out a bottle of wine - which wasn't totally unusual as our parents would let us have some with dinner on occasion. After we had a glass we went to his room and started making out. He wore me down so we ended up having sex that night. While I didn't regret it, I would have done it differently, even if it hadn't been for what happened afterwards. The next day when he mentioned how he'd love to do it again I told him I wasn't ready to be at that level."
Aubrey paused and Graham wanted to ask but he knew she needed time to compose herself so he just rubbed her back and held her and waited.
******
After a few minutes, Aubrey started again. "That jerk had set up his room and recorded the whole thing. He blackmailed me into having sex with him whenever he wanted or he said he'd share the videos online, with him blurred out so only I was recognized. I was too scared to do anything about it so I gave in. He basically prostituted me for his own pleasure in exchange for him not ruining my life."
Graham was appalled and furious with that guy. He held his tongue because he knew Aubrey wanted him to.
"After a few months he started to get overly possessive of me. He'd tell me I was his and I needed to not talk with other guys unless it was needed for school. That they wanted to be friends with me for only one thing and he was the only one I could do it with. It got a bit ridiculous and after he hit me for talking to another guy about a homework assignment for 'too long', I was done and told my parents.
"It was a huge mess for a while but the video was destroyed and hopefully all copies but if it does get posted then he's in a ton of trouble legally. I got a restraining order and I went to therapy and felt like I'd overcome it. After I met you I even met with someone on campus for a while to make sure it wasn't going to be a problem. They said that it always could be but I'd done well in my recovery.
I honestly thought I was good, or I wouldn't have agreed to come with you. Especially since you're such an amazing guy and respectful to me, I've loved that you never force intimacy and make sure I'm comfortable. My roommates would tease me because you were so reserved but I knew you are safe and wouldn't take advantage of me or I wouldn't be here." Aubrey moved and smiled at him, and his heart broke for her and her pain that showed through her eyes.
Graham cupped her cheek with his hand and kissed her eyes. He was about to talk when she put her finger over his lip. "Sorry I'm not quite done. I came here with you because I wanted to be intimate with you. I knew you would respect me and I feel safe with you. But when you came back on the bed and towered over me I felt helpless and even though I knew you aren't him I just couldn't. I am so grateful that you listened and didn't force me, I know that was harder than you want to admit. So thank you. You really are perfect." Aubrey half smiled and looked apologetic.
******
"I'm so sorry you went through that." Graham said and pulled her in for another tight hug. "Is there anything I can do to help you?"
Graham pulled her back so he could look at her face. Aubrey looked away. Graham spoke quickly, "I don't want you to think I'm pressuring you, I just mean help in any way you think you need."
Aubrey looked up at him, "I hate to ask…"
Graham looked at her intently, "Aubrey, you don't have to worry, I will do almost anything to help you."
Aubrey tilted her head. "Almost anything?"
"We'll I'm not about to call him out for a duel like they use to or commit murder, even though my brain is telling me to inflict immense suffering on this person." Graham realized she'd never said his name.
Aubrey giggled. "Ah, nothing quite that drastic."
"I love your laugh. And smile, I'm glad they are back." Graham said.
"Can we go to sleep? But can you hold me, and stay by me?" Aubrey asked.
"I'd love almost nothing more." Graham said truthfully. "Just let me shower first."