My father refrained me from killing that bastard Ruler. I was desperate to kill that man in front of me, who was responsible for the death of my mother. But my father was calm like water, I could not feel neither a single bit of grief nor a single bit of grief. His face was turned into an expressionless stone sculpture. I could not bring myself to utter a single word in front of him at that moment. I could not believe myself that my father, who loved my mother more than anyone else in this whole world, had no feeling of her death. I could only let go of that axe and bow my head down shamelessly while weeping with holding my mother's cut off head sitting on my knees.
'Son, let's return to our home. There is nothing to do here anymore. But there is a mountain of work left in our house. Stand up and let's go.'
My father's words were not breaking at all. His voice was firm. After hearing this The Ruler laughed again aloud and went back leaving us on that spot. My father lifted up my mother's dead body and embraced her. He did not even say anything to me and started to walk after picking her up. I just followed his back holding my mother's head near my chest with my left arm and the axe with my right arm.
'Son, I have to tell many things that has happened in the past days while you are not present near us. After we give a funeral to your mother, I will tell everything.'
While following my father I could feel the emotions of my father. On the surface his voice was calm, but I could feel the depth of his grievance and sorrow. He did not show anything on his face, but I could hear the breaking heart and painful scream of his soul. Every step towards our home was becoming more and more painful. Both of our feet were becoming heavier and heavier. It was just a two trivial kosas distance from our house to the hall, but we felt like to cover that same distance it was taking us thousands of ages.
The hellish journey came to an end at last. Both of us, returned to our house. But the cheerful house had turned into a silent house of dead. My father put down my mother's body on the floor on the doorstep. He did not enter our house and went to the backyard. He started to dig a grave for his beloved wife with a shovel. He had neither a drop of tear nor a painful cry in his eyes. As he left all the worldly desires, emotions and pains behind him and continued digging the grave. He did not ask me for any help or instructed me to do anything. He just kept digging and digging until his strength ran out.
He finished digging the grave for my mother and came out covered in sweat. He put down the shovel and went toward the door step again. I was just standing there watching my father doing all the work. I was suffering with pain because of the death of my mother. I did not even have a tiny bit of strength to stand there. But I could not leave my father there doing all the works. I could only just stand there and keep watching my father like a shameless human being.
After a while my father came back with the death body of my mother. His feet were trembling. His whole body was shivering with physical and mental pain, but he kept walking.
He went down in the grave he dug and put down her body in the grave on the ground. He climbed up again and stretched his arms towards me.
I looked at my father's face. There were neither any order nor any demand for me, but I knew what he was asking for. But I could not bring myself to give my mother's head to him. I held on her head tightly and pressed into my chest.
My father was still standing there with open arm without uttering any word. I looked into his eyes. He had no life in his eyes. The brightness that always shone in my father's eyes are nowhere to be found.
When I saw him in that state, I felt very hopeless. I unwillingly gave my mother's head to him. He embraced her in his arm and went down again. He placed her head on her body and hold the shovel and started to fill the grave.
As he started to bury her finally, his behaviour as well as his expression changed. His body started to shake. Tears started to shed from his lifeless eyes. As the sun started to set, letting a crimson hue covering the west sky, the tears and sweat of my father started to wet the ground.
I was standing a few steps away from my father watching him burring my mother helplessly. Tears were rolling down from my eyes as the grave was filled little by little in front of my eyes. At that moment I realised that how powerless and helpless I was.
Finally, my father completely buried my mother and threw the shovel away on the ground. He gave all his respect and love to my dead mother. He prayed for my mother while keeling down on the ground.
'May your soul rest in peace, my wife. If there will be a next chance in another life, I will be honoured to be your husband.'
After he offered his praying, he stood up and wiped his tears and went into the house with out saying any word. I looked at my father's back until it completely vanished from my eyes. I could not bring myself to leave my mother's grave. I sat down there weeping like a mad person in the dusk watching the sun setting in the far horizon.
The reddish hue of the sky became black. The cold wind replaced the warmth of the sun. The moon replaced the sun shinning in the night sky emitting snow white light that covered all of the earth. The moonlight was shining on the surface of my mother's grave. I was watching the silver coat of light covering my mother's grave.
My mind was unsettled and was in chaos. The night was calm and silent but there were the sound of small insects covering the area. The calmness of the night was suddenly broken by an approaching footstep. I looked behind to look at the person. A ghost type of person emitting an unsettling aura with darkness covering his face appeared near me.
That person was none other than my own father. His face was gloomier than before. He put his hand on my head. I could feel the trembling of his body. My father was a brave and firm person whom I always respected and admired. But to see such a person trembling in front of his own son with desolation, I lost all the faith in him as well as on myself.
'Son, how much time do you need more to accept the truth? Come into the room; it is cold outside.' His uneasy voice tore my soul once more. In one day, I lost my mother, rather I was the one who killed her, my father who was a mountain for me had his soul shattered in despondency after losing his only beloved wife and I had no idea what had happened to my wife.
*Ha Ha ah ha*
I was not in one's right mind. I laughed as mad as a march hare. I was not in a sane mind. I looked at my father but could not muster the courage to meet his eyes.
'Are you sure to call the murderer of your wife as your son? Did you go insane or lost all of your reasoning?' I lambasted him while looking at his face.
My father took his hands off from my head and looked at me with a sad face. He sat down near me letting out a loud sigh.
'Do you think you are the only killer of your mother? I am also responsible for her death as you or even more than you. Don't forget that I was the one who ordered you to kill your own mother. Do you think you can call the person your father, who was responsible for the death of your mother?'
After hearing that I had no words to reply him. He looked into my eyes and stood up again after patting my shoulder.
'Listen, son. You are the one who killed your mother but also you are not the only one who was responsible for killing your mother. We both are in the same boat. If you want to redeem yourself, first accept what you did and the truth. Then you can truly take further steps in future.' After telling me that he walked away without looking back once.
After talking to him I felt somehow lighter. I looked at my mother's grave once again, stood up and gave her respect and final farewell. I wished her soul to rest in peace. I stared to walk towards my home as I firmed my mind and decided to talk to my father about my wife and how the hell all of these happened to us.
__________
I opened the door. The room was filled with nothing besides misery. My father was sitting on the chair in front of the door. He had prepared a seat for me as well. In front of the chair there was a small round table with a small clay oil lamp on it, which was the only source of light in the house.
'Sit down. Don't you want know what happened to our family to fall into such a miserable state? Don't you think what happened to your wife, Dharani?'
I was curious to know about all of the events happened to our family while I was absent. I looked at my father's face. He had regained his firmness on his face, but his deep grief can be seen trough his dimmed eyes. I did not dare to further disturb the state of the mind of my father. I slowly came near to him and sat down on the chair without saying anything to him.
My father looked at my face with a concerned look on his face. He frowned his eyebrows with a deep grieves. He stood up from his seat and walked away from me towards the kitchen in our house. After sometime he came back with a jar of water and two glasses. He put down the glasses on the table near the clay oil lamp and poured water into the glasses. After he poured the glasses, he picked up a glass full of water for himself and sat down on his seat.
He chugged down the glass of water in one breath and put down the glass on the table before starting the story. Before he started his story, he let out a big sigh letting out all of his discomfort.
'Son, you know, I am one of the greediest human beings on the world. But as compared to others I had no greed in the money, power or fame. I had an insatiable hunger for acquiring knowledge, even now in this time and state I am greedy for knowledge. I was considered as a genius in my past days. Literature, ancient scriptures, weaponry, medicine, war strategy, alchemy, decoding ancient ruins, pill refining, array mastery, I had excelled in everything. Because of this I was considered as a threat for the eligibility of the authorities of the king. In this world if you wanted to live in comfort either you have to be a good ass licking person or you have to flee from the evildoers. Because of my talent many high ranked figures were jealous of me and had a great amount of evil intentions towards me. But I was fearless and powerful to handle all of them with my own. But all of these changed when I met your mother. She was the one who saved me from the pit of daily strife of my life. She came into my life uninvited but turned my life upside down. Because of her I left all of my power, knowledge and greed with my past self and started a new life with her in this village away from everyone and everything.'