No matter how much I ate the craving persisted, I dismiss it and place it in a mental box where the rest of my hatred and pain was locked away.
I focused on the experiment that I was conducting which was concealing my energy.
When I send out my energy my outer ball expands whatever it brushes against, I can sense it with great clarity. But it emits energy that could get me caught and it looks like a thin haze is surrounding me.
A few weeks later back at the lake I draw out my ball it is full of energy.
My outer ball expands out while my inner ball draws energy.
This created a struggle for the outer ball to expand and by tinkering with the ratio leaning heavily on absorbing with my inner core while lightly expanding with my outer core I was able to send out a very weak energy tendril.
There was still haze and my sense was somewhat limited.
I knew I was getting close to mastering it.
It took over four months of coming to the lake twice a week, but it paid off my haze disappeared, but the energy was still lingering around.
I noticed that my energy was being repulsed by living things like oil against water I could tell their shape due to that repulsion but nothing else.
My energy was like spores floating in the air.
All that was left was to keep practicing until it was second nature but even with a new and upgraded dual core, I could not get this down right away.
If I was a rock this would be impossible, I needed to time the energy absorption and release perfectly especially when condensing the energy to use it which relied heavily on my breathing.
It took me over five months to learn to do it while moving.
I felt it could be better, but I hit a bottleneck I could not improve no matter how hard I tried.
To apply this technique, I started to coat myself with my outer core stopping right underneath my skin.
By matching the inner core to my outer, I had an energy barrier that was invisible I walked around with it always to practice my energy control.
Extending it further and further as I worked.
Time passed like this, I tell time by count, and I account for the time I sleep as well, this is something that I have done for hundreds of years a habit I could not control.
By earth estimation, I am a little over six years old and I am more and more confident about how I practice.
All the children ignore me because I cannot move the cart quickly I was called "a runt" I did my best tying down and dragging bales to the cart to be loaded when it wasn't my turn to haul.
No one complained about me even though I was a little "slow". While working I would quietly send out my energy to see if anyone feels it, I do this slowly.
Small energy tendrils leave my body connecting like spider webs invisible to the naked eye.
My energy was an aerial spore out in a circle around me invisible to the naked eye but non the less present.
I experimented on a rabbit, snake, weasel, and a possum in that order and none was the wiser as this was happening at night in that sweet time after dinner and before bed.
First Instead of sending my energy into them like I usually would I sent small strands at first then the subject in turn would repulse my light energy touch naturally like oil on water.
It seems that the energy I process from the world is not compatible with life.
It isn't just me who can absorb this energy, everything was absorbing it even the grass so naturally they expelled their own energy.
I remembered the way I died as a rock to the humanoids and I cringe, a rare facial slip remembering the leader of the humanoids that wanted to absorb me. A savage scowl paints my face as I clench my fist.
If only the little one I took information from had knowledge of this energy like the other one, I could tell this was a power feared and it would create havoc on Earth.
A seemingly unlimited power source that integrates with everything.
Wars would be waged with abandonment and society would be useless.
One man could build a nation and rule with an iron fist more like an energy fist I thought, but I quickly focused, getting to work.
I turned up the pressure applying it to the subjects one by one as my energy infiltrated them slowly, I could tell that they were distressed but not overly so at first. I wanted to get through the surface and get a grasp of what exactly happens to the subject.
When I broke in through the skin and was sensing the inside muscle they started to behave erratically jerking and trying to run while levitating slightly above the ground.
I slaughter them all except the squirrel then I create a perfectly round hole almost a quarter of a mile deep with energy and place the animals inside.
I take the squirrel and take a deep breath readying myself for the pain that is to come from infiltrating its mind.
Turning up the pressure on the squirrel with a ball of energy I connect an energy tendril to my already hard at work energy core.
Flashes of information started to come in but no pain. As a matter of fact, it was much slower almost like… it was being filtered.
I concluded right away, having dual cores has allowed me to be able to filter some of the thoughts and senses that infiltrate my mind.
Also, by turning up the pressure on the squirrel slowly I could limit the reception of the senses that accompany the memories.
I cut off the connection and although the connection was gone the unfiltered thoughts slowly crept into my consciousness it was a manageable task for my mental fortitude.
I snap its neck and throw it into the hole with the rest. I sit down and meditate and assimilate the memories.
I can't expunge them, I can slow the rate I experience them so instead of getting all that information down in a second it happens gradually over a minute.
There can be no witnesses. nothing must remain. I even smash the bodies into a paste with energy before covering it with dirt.
I go back to the house and go straight to my room.
I do not eat dinner with the rest of the children anymore they do not mind and have long forgotten to ask me if I was hungry.
The only one who would ask would be Isla every night she would come and ask me if I wanted some of her bread, I knew she probably snuck it underneath the boy's sight.
I declined and reached under my cover bringing out some smoked salmon meat in a grass bag. Her eyes widen as I split it in two and eat it while she eats the other half.
If she hadn't come to me, I wouldn't have given it to her usually when I give her food it is far away from the house I can see her eyes get planted in the grass bag that I make shifted for myself by braiding and interlocking the mana grass.
I smiled at her and nodded "Eat hurry, eat, eat" Her eyes gloss over and she reaches out and hugs me. She does this often when we are alone, I think it is because she, unlike the other children, realizes that this isn't how she is supposed to feel.