"This morning, I had another nightmare. Or at least I think it is. It just felt so real but vivid." I clutched my hand to my chest, leaning back in my chair.
My therapist is staring back at me, pen to paper. "Was this one different from the first one?"
I looked at Scarlett, nodding my head. "Yes, it was. The timeline would be a couple weeks before the first one happened."
Scarlett nodded her hand, taking notes. "Vi, have you come into contact with anyone from your past?"
I nodded my head yes in response.
"Tell me this dream." I relived the dream aloud.
~
I'm walking home at sixteen years old from a football game. I was supposed to be with my friends, but they took off without me. I figured I'd just go home. My parents were both at work, so it wasn't like I'd get in trouble for being out so late. I catch a silhouette of a person walking up behind me, out of my peripheral. I took my phone out, turning my flashlight on, shining it in front of me, lighting up where I was walking. I picked up my speed, walking faster down the road. I turned my head, looking behind me to see if the person was still following me. I saw the person duck behind a house at the last second. I took my usual path between two houses. It's dark so there is no lighting. I know it is not the best place to be walking alone at night. I sprinted between the houses. I could hear my heart racing a marathon in my ears. I could hear footsteps stomping behind me, as if the person was chasing after me. Once I got out in the open, I ran to the road, flinging my arms back and forth, trying to catch someone's attention. I saw a car drive by, pulling over a little yard ahead of me. I saw Leanne get out of the vehicle.
"Come on, dummy, did you really think we'd leave without you?"
I looked back behind me, glimpsing the silhouette. I could only make out his build and other minor features because of a small amount of light pouring over into the space he was in. The person had the build of a man. Tall and slender, small muscles on the upper arm. Appeared to stand over six feet. He was clutching his stomach, from running behind me trying to catch me. He had blonde hair, and that was all I could make out of the guy.
"Vi-Bi come on. Let's go to your house. I'm hungry. Hurry." Leanne shook me from my thoughts. I turned away, running to the car, hopping in the backseat. We took off towards my house, turning in for the night.
~
"These don't feel like these are just some ordinary dream, Scarlett. They feel like memories. Memories I've been trying to get back for a long time."
Scarlett nodded her head, humming, "They are not dreams, Scarlett. They are memories. You have experienced something traumatic and your brain is trying to tell you what happened as dreams. I am going to help you work through them. In the meantime, I want you to write them down and keep it as a journal.
"Keep track of all your dreams so that you can piece them together. Now unfortunately our time here is up. I will see you next week." I nodded my head, getting up and walking out of the door. I walked to the bus station, getting a bus to work.
It was a twenty-minute bus ride to the bakery. I walked in, rounding the bakery display and going into the kitchen. I noticed Sage was not here yet, so I got busy making the banana nut bread that needed to be replenished. I looked up from kneading the dough when I heard footsteps round the corner of the kitchen. Sage came into view, along with Leanne.
"Le-Le," I rang out, holding my arms open for a hug.
"Vi-Bi" Leanne came up, returning my hug. I held her for a second longer.
"Sage-ie" Leanne and I rang in unison. We all looked at each other and bursted out laughing. Sage stayed in the kitchen while Leanne and I went out into the front. I haven't been able to catch up with Leanne since I've been out of the can. I miss our friendship we used to have. We used to write to each other when I was first locked away, but as time went on and she started living her life, the letters slowly stopped coming. I guess it was on both of our parts. I was depressed and stuck in a place I shouldn't have been. She was just starting college and trying to move on from the past, too. We were both affected by the events that happened. Ian was her brother, and she was my best friend. She had no clue that I was pregnant with her brother's baby. I told no one except Ian.
"How have you been since the last time I saw you a couple of weeks ago?" Leanne asked.
"I've been trying to hang in there. It's been hard. I cannot sleep through the night"
"How come?"
I paused before answering. "I've been having memories that were long forgotten. Memories from before Ian was murdered." The moment I said Ian's name, Leanne's face dropped. She never once thought I killed her brother, but she knows someone did. I was madly in love with him. Why would I kill him?
"What are they?" I recounted all the dreams I've had so far to her. By the time I was done, she had a look of terror on her face.
"What do you think it means?"
"My therapist thinks it is from running into someone who shared the same ugly past with me." I shrugged. "I also ran into Clark a few weeks ago. We went out, and I had a pleasant time." Leanne's face fell as soon as Clark's name was mentioned. She tensed up, like she was holding her tongue back.
"You ran into Clark? It's been years since him and I have seen each other, let alone hang out." She had a tone of annoyance when she spoke of him. I wonder what happened. We all used to be such good friends.
"Did something happen between you two? I couldn't help but notice the tone in your voice when you spoke of him."
"Things changed when you were away Violet, Clark is not who he made himself out to be. Talk with Sage. She knows Clark. She can tell you about the real him." Leanne got up from her chair. "I have to go, I'll come see you again soon." Leanne walked out the exit door, and I worked the rest of my shift. I kept thinking back on what Leanne said about Clark. I noticed some things differently about him on our date. He wasn't gentle like he was at seventeen. He was dominating and aggressive. I felt a fright spark throughout my body. The way he raised his tone or the look in his eyes when I didn't act like I was interested in him was daunting. He was charming, but he seemed cold and careless.
My shift ended at seven. I walked the two blocks like I usually do. I carried pepper spray with me since I'm always walking alone and I'm not allowed to own any other weapon. So right now, It's my best friend. I'm about eight minutes into my walk when I hear footsteps approaching behind me. I turn my head around, trying to get a glimpse of the person following me. When I turned my head, I saw the person duck behind a bush that was nearby. I turned back around, grabbing a firmer hold on my pepper spray and walking faster. I had about another three minutes to go before I'd reached the apartment. As I walked faster, I heard the footsteps get louder and louder. THUD. THUD. I took off at a sprint. I could see the apartment building just straight ahead. I heard the footsteps get harder and faster. THUD. THUD. Then it was silent. I sprinted harder to the door of the apartment. I reached the door, running to the elevator. Once inside and the doors closed, I leaned on the wall, trying to catch my breath. My head was pounding, my heart was racing, and I could feel the blood rushing through my body. I clenched my eyes tight, trying not to burst into tears. That was so scary. I took the elevator to the second floor of my apartment. When I got in, I heard music coming from Regina's room. I walked in taking my shoes and coat off since it's autumn now. I walked to Regina's room, seeing her inside since her door was open. I knocked my knuckle against her bedroom door to gather her attention.
Regina looked up from her laptop. "What can I do for you, Violet?"
I walked inside her room, sitting on her bed, "To talk if you have a minute."
Regina shut her laptop, turning to me and smiling. "Sure, what's on your mind?"
I spilled everything to Regina. My conversation with Leanne, my dreams, and what happened to me today, walking home from work. Regina hugged me, comforting me. I spent the rest of the night in her bedroom, trying to calm my racing mind.