The following day, I was quiet through my meeting with Anderson. She picked up on it right away and I couldn't cover it with any Lie. I shrugged And looked off to the right of her face, not being able to directly look into her eyes.
"Don't give me that, 'It's nothing' bullshit. " She was determined and she leaned over slightly to steady her gaze to mine. So much I had in my hand was lowered from my chin to my lap. I averted my gaze downward at the white marble table that was between us.
She didn't drop it either.
"Whatever happened let me tell you. You need to resolve that shit soon whether its dropping them or talking it out." Her gaze was unwavering towards me as if she had superpowers that could shift through every memory I had. Thank gods she didn't. I just nodded, uncomfortable with my desire to tell her about my situation as we had only met each other a few weeks ago.
" You've worked so hard to be here. Don't let it ruin your work." I nodded again, "I'll try my best." And with that the conversation died. I couldn't deny her wisdom, but I didn't trust her enough to let her know everything. The wound was too new, my situation too fresh, I had to process it on my own before I could get others input.
Eventually, we turned back to the topic of planning out my shoots for the next few weeks and all the other company meetings that I should not cancel. She emphasized the last part, not to my surprise.
I was grateful she let the topic go, but I knew I had to get this issue out of my system before it ruined everything I had worked so hard to accomplish. I I didn't know to begin and talking to Myra and Neta about the situation. On one hand, they can be receptive about it and understand from my point of view.
On the other hand, they can take Copia's point of view and kick me out of the house. Then I would have nowhere to live and no partners. Emotional connection severed. I doubt that they were only going take one of our sides. I think they might meet us in the middle somewhere, but rejection is still scary at this age sometimes.
I replayed Copia and I's conversation over in my head during the periods of the day where I had a break. Which is mostly in the car going back and forth to meetings and auditions. The things that I could come up with were that Copia was a hurt woman was likely having something to do with men stealing her partners.
It must have been something that has happened in the past. Copia must have some baggage with bisexual women, maybe because of Sandra. Cis-gendered Bisexual women because of their ability to fit into the status quo when the partners change. It is true if a cis gendered woman walks down the street with a man on her arm that shall be presumed straight automatically given privileges. But if on her arm was another woman, those privileges are instantly revoked and she could be questioned, terrorized and or discriminated against.
I licked my lips as I mulled that thought over. I understand that I have that privilege compared to her sexual identity, but that doesn't mean that I am any less deserving of the love from a woman just because I can also like men. And as for children, I am 25 years old. It is too early for me to have children with my career kicking off.
Not that she actually wanted to listen anyways. She wanted to assume. She didn't want to know my feelings, thoughts, and opinions on who I was. I'm guessing all she wanted was to get me out of the house.
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I remained up in my room the rest of the day writing my blog and updating my modeling business Instagram page. I heard a car pull up but I didn't care to leave my room. I wanted to prolong this as much as I could. I glanced at the list of things I wanted to say to Neta.
"Kati! Katiyah!" Netarute Shouted from the kitchen. I could hear bags wrestling being put on the counter, just faintly. Then I heard the thud, thud, thud of Neta's heels on the carpeted stairs. My heart sped up and felt my throat close as Neta open my door.
I must have looked off because Neta responded so quickly, "I got you some mi – oh! What's wrong Kati?"
In her hand was the strawberry milk tea that I really liked. I curled my lips inwards not trusting myself to speak coherently. I hated confrontation especially one where I could possibly lose a whole house, but I remembered that even if I did lose these two and a house I always had a place at my moms. I took a deep breath through my nose and let it out through my mouth. I hated conflict, but I had to do it.
Thank you for the tea, Neta." I gave her a small smile and gestured to my bed. We both sat on the left side facing the closet nearest to the door. I was just in professional slacks and a white button down from the early meetings that I had with Anderson. Neta had her blown out Afro twisted into a crown on her head and rolled into a bun at the back near the base of her neck.
Her cotton green dress skimmed her ankles and brushed against mine as she shifted into a position that is comfortable for her on my bed, facing me. Neta placed a hand on my knee looking at me worriedly but did not ask any more questions.
I put my hand over hers, "I had a conversation a few days ago with Copia and I am feeling hurt and I don't know how to approach it."
She sucked in a breathe, "Copia..., I thought you two were on the terms now. What happened?" She squeezed my hand slightly and I that encouraged me to continue forward.
"Well I think it started when she kissed me last week and a few days ago was just added extra confusion."
"Whoa whoa whoa, why didn't you tell me about this before. What the fuck is Copia doing number one and why am I just hearing about this now?"
I told her the story of me in the shower and Copia deciding it was a good time to try and kiss me.
Neta's breaths or shallow as if she didn't know to be angry or confused. " So she came into the shower and kissed you for no reason. Nothing happened to bring on this event and she left afterwards without mentioning it ever again? "
I nodded, "Yeah, I assumed since she apologized for her initial rudeness that maybe she was trying to get used to me? I let her kiss me for taste but what I didn't know was that after this was an indirect was of her being rude."
Neta sucked in her bottom lip and chewed it until I raised my hand was resting on my thigh to her brow massaged her wrinkles out for a few seconds
She gave me a small smile and started slow," So she kisses you and didn't tell about it to anyone, and then what happened a few days ago?" Neta wanted the full picture fast.
"Yes, and that is the thing that bothered me the most because... ," I told her anything that I could remember Copia saying word for word and what I said back. I tried not to distort the conversation as much as I could. From my perspective. As I told that story Neta's eyes fluctuated in size from shock to glares, accompanied with small gasps.
I sighed, "She doesn't want me here. She basically said I was a liar and totally dismissed my sexual identity. I don't like where that situation is going on top of she doesn't want to listen to me. I was wondering if we could possibly have a group conversation about it? I know she'll listen to you and Mira more than me. "
The silence that followed scared me. I searched Netarute's face and then body language. I didn't know people could look that pissed off. She was staring past me, eye darting back and forth, as if recalling a memory. Shifting my gaze a little lower, I could see her jaw clenching and unclenching. So, there, I had done it. I had voiced my opinions. Now I had to wonder if they were going to throw me out.
"Should I leave? Do you want me to go? " I covered my mouth with my hand as too keep my lips from twitching.
"Even though Mira said Copia needed time, this is not okay with me. Copia doesn't talk to me and I can't be verbally abused like this,"
"No. No sweetie you don't have to go. Mira and I would be surely upset if you left. Copia is just being hard to deal with because when she is scared its hard for her to communicate that. . Would you let me talk to her and see if we can come out to a mutual understanding? "
I nodded, "But I to be in the know. She cant keep doing this."