My mother once told me that bad dreams happen because we forgot to pray before we sleep. The truth in those words were like grains of sand in the clouds... as far as my belief is concerned. My mother is a devoted Catholic and so, it was passed on to her two daughters. I habitually go the church every Friday and pray but I have never really grasped the idea of being faithful to someone you haven't seen nor met. Is He real? If so, I have so many questions for Him.
"No! Stop!" I yelled. But it was too late. A knife was already stuck on Von's chest. As he painfully removed it, blood splashed on my entire face.
Von grabbed me by the shoulder. His blood-stained hands were shaking. But his eyes as he looked at me— those desperate glares trying to latch unto life as he tried steadying his breath, it was heartbreaking. He tried to whisper something but he already dropped to the ground. I watched him as he lie there lifeless and cold. My knees dropped. My entire body was trembling. As I cried in utter despair, I could hear no sound. I attempted to wake him up but he suddenly grabbed my hand. I was beyond frightened when he opened his bloodshot eyes and uttered the words,
"Help me!"
I could barely catch my breath as I opened my eyes and saw the familiar dull color of my ceiling. I sat on my bed and roamed my gaze around. I'm back in my room. A sigh of relief leaked from my mouth.
As I tried to breath in the familiar scent of my room, I could feel the weight around my eyes and my heavy head. I staggered as I walked inside the bathroom and washed up. Soaking myself in the tub for minutes was a luxurious treat, and at the same time, an extension of my sleep. From time to time, I can get a nap while being in the tub. A kind of behavior that can happen to anyone if the bed provides nothing but delicious nightmares; as if the headache brought by the liquor was already not enough of a punishment.
Von used to be the man of my dreams, and now he became the man in my nightmares. He was crying and begging for my help as he writhes in pain. I did nothing. I just watched him, completely terrified. Haunting me wasn't enough for him. He wanted me to live my life filled with guilt for being utterly helpless on that night.
"Raffy? You there?" my sister called. "Come down as soon as you're done. I cooked something for your hangover," she added. I didn't answer and waited 'till I could hear her footsteps walking away from the bathroom door.
Feeling the cold seeping in my skin, I went out of the tub and washed myself. As soon as I walked down the stairs, Rebecca was flashing her blinding smile. She assisted me over to the dining table where a plate filled with rice and a bowl of an unknown soup to the side. As she sat across me, her smile never left her mouth. Suspicious of this overly affection my sister was giving me, I tasted the soup. And whatever name this soup has, it certainly is rejuvenating.
"Raffy," she called.
"What?"
"Want to go to the amusement park today?" she asked. I looked at her and her face was full of life as her voice. What's up with her, today?
"Are you a kid? Why would you go there given that you're so busy with your paperworks," I plainly said.
"Why not? And besides, kids are not the only person who needs fun."
"So, you're thinking I am sad and lonely and sorrowful which is why I need fun," I said in a sarcastic tone.
"Don't get ahead of yourself. I iust need a break from work, you know, a change of atmosphere," she argued. But I'm not buying it.
"Go ask your fiance, then. He'd be much willing to accompany you."
"Don't you get it? I want to spend time with you, Raffy, as much as I can before we get married!" I dropped my spoon.
"Does that mean you're getting out of this house after your marriage?" I asked with an undisguised elation.
She scoffed. "You really want to kick me out that much? I'm hurt. But, yeah. I'll move out,"she said. I was on the verge of expressing my joy when she stopped me with her next words.
"I'll move out if you'll accompany me to the amusement park."
So long story short, I am now strolling along with my childish sister in the middle of the amusement park with cotton candies in our hands and disgustingly pink headbands. Back in the day, we used to come here and I used to enjoy it. No matter how many thrilling rides we rode, games we played, shouts we shared in the horror house, and hours of fun we gave to ourselves today, I couldn't find the joy I once experienced before. Nothing has changed. No matter how much you fool yourself you are happy and smiling like you're having fun, it's not enough to bury the emotions dominating your heart—persistent, like a dead crawling back to life.
"Well, well. If it isn't our snob Raphaela. Hello, girl!"
I was surprised when I looked to my side and saw Dessa. She's a queer employee and has been calling me with my full name when I turned down her offer to have some 'fun' one time while I was still new in the office. It's her act of rebellion or maybe revenge since she unfortunately, knew how I hated the mere word.
"Hi, Dessa..." I greeted back with a rather lifeless voice cloaked with a fake smile.
"A friend?" my sister whispered.
"Dessa, my sister, Rebecca. Ate, this is Dessa, a workmate," I said introducing them to each other.
After the pleasantries, my sister conveniently excused herself and left us both to talk.
"I never expected for the Great Dessa to be alone in an amusement park," I said as we found ourselves some bench under a shade.
"It's called alone time, Raphaela. A time we sometimes give to ourselves when the world gets too crowded and noisy to think for ourselves. You know what I mean?"
"I'll try to take a note of that," I replied.
"You should. From what I see, you need it more than I do," she said and craned her neck to look at me.
My eyes narrowed into a slit. She averted her gaze with a soft chuckle.
"You know how they say, it takes one to know one? That's how. I don't know what happened but you definitely need some self-reflection," she uttered.
Silence ensued as I don't know how to answer her. Maybe she's right and maybe she's not. Though, I'm betting on the latter.
I suddenly heard a sarcastic laugh. "Did we just conicidentally met in front of the carousel just to share a depressing conversation?" she exclaimed.
"Exactly my thoughts. Though, there's a way to patch this horrible situation," I said.
"And what's that?" she asked with her suspicious eyes.
"Since you're alone and I'm alone—"
"Girl, did just forget you are with your sister few moments ago? If I'm her and I heard you, you'd exit this amusement park with bruises," she interjected.
"Right, whatever. Forget about how you made my sister a violent woman, I need you take me out of this place," I said, more like a command than a suggestion.
"Girl, are you out of your mind? Of course, I'd love that! I was tempted to turn you down and settle the score but the prospect of two woman with burden hearts riding away together is more enticing," she replied, completely in high spirits.
I grinned. "Then, let's go."
And so, a very dangerous and unexpected adventure commenced between the two of us. As the sky gradually lost its beautiful hues, Dessa and I were jumping from one bar to another. She thought I needed to experience 'real fun' and so here I am—drunk and heated while carelessly dancing with a man in the middle of the wild crowd, moving along the upbeat music.
Suddenly, he dragged me outside the bar. The next I knew, we resumed dancing in his car. Drunk with ecstasy, nobody noticed the time and cared how deep the night is. We were just both occupied with our own beating sound, the kind of music that would drive you almost to insanity.
"My name is Zach," he said as the music died down.
"Raffy."