Location: Alien Research Technology Lab (Secure Military Site)
Time: Five minutes after suspect begins his patrol schedule.
I drift down and let May off my steel plate ride.
"Now first of all, we need to be professional." I tell her, inwardly wincing at the irony of me saying this. Me who was once called 'Joyride'.
"Do I need to shout 'yer knicked, bastard!'?" I gave her a strange look as she asked this.
"No… I don't think so. You watched a lot of police dramas in England?" I asked mildly surprised.
"The Bill." She replied.
Oh. Right. That show. They had it here? Interesting. Did it feature cultists and witches? That would add to the realism here. It was British, so the police certainly met them… might not have lived through the encounter though. Still, a pretty popular show in its time.
"Well, we aren't strictly police, so much as police adjacent. You can ask the suspect to surrender, in French or English if appropriate. We are in France, so I would lead with French. We are allowed to make arrests, so if you do stop a criminal it is perfectly legal here. But you have to have a reason you can prove. In this case we know this is a fake, so chances are it won't surrender. So be prepared to act if the Fake tries to attack or run. I'll be right here watching, so go ahead. If it gets out of hand I'll stop it, but you should be able to handle it unless it has some hidden weapons." I explained. "But be careful, if you have to chose between your safety and taking the robot intact. Keep yourself safe."
Waiting around a corner we listened to the footsteps of the fake as it came closer on its patrol.
May jumped out, perhaps a mite too early. In a rather cutesy, pink dress with frills, pigtails trailing as she ran. All four and a half foot of her.
"You are under arrest!" She announced. Possibly in a voice too adorable for her own good.
The robot was a remarkably good fake, because it looked her over with amusement before talking back.
"Very funny. Which of your friends put you up to this? This is a secure facility, you shouldn't be here." The robot announced, with a friendly smile.
I drifted out, to lend her some authority. "She is correct, you are under arrest." I said as the robot looked surprised. Hmm. Does it not know it is a replica? I can see your 'bones' from here and they are titanium composite. You look like a knock off Terminator. Some kind of ultra powerful battery pack at the core of the torso with skin acting as solar panels? Do a lot of sun bathing in your spare time, huh.
"What exactly is this?" The robot asked, somewhat confusedly.
"Exactly what she said. You are being arrested by the government of France, as a spy and possibly a murderer." I retorted.
"Why? I'm nobody. Why are you here for me?" He asked earnestly.
"You're a robot!" May pointed out.
He felt for his own pulse and finally frowned.
"A robot? That's crazy. I mean if I were a robot, I wouldn't be able to bleed would I?" He asked, before bringing his forefinger to his mouth and biting.
"Ew!" May shouted as the creature struggled to draw blood.
"Why… why can't I feel pain? Why don't I bleed?" He asked, after a moment, staring at the torn 'skin' and looking at us in a forlorn manner.
"You're a replacement." I pointed out. "The real you is either a captive or dead. You were human when you took this job, even had a medical exam before being accepted."
The robot seemed to reel from this. "I am not me?"
"No you are not." I replied.
I had a vague sense of concern as I sensed a transmission from the machine. Then it changed. From a terrified and existentially challenged human-like persona to a threatening posture, the hands sparking like tasers. It charged toward May, reaching out to grapple her and stun her. The arcs weren't strong enough to kill as far as I could tell. So I didn't interfere.
"He's all yours." I announced to May.
She was already in motion, a handful of seeds thrown to the ground and more in her hand, growing to maturity. Vines lashed out, inch thick coiling around the figure of the robot, which tried to disentangle out of them slipping out of two before the rest got a grip.
It was held, which sent the robot further into it's berserker mode. It began to tear free. May's plants simply didn't have enough leverage. Until a tree knocked the robot down, the vines fully entangling it. Bound by both arms and legs, it tried to brute force the vines but they were more than strong enough to hold it with several coils.
The tree moved down, placing its trunk on the robot and engulfing it inside, like a tree growing in slow motion over an obstacle. In a few moments it was well and truly captured, bound inside solid hardwood hoops around the torso, arms and legs.
The vines that had grown in her palms flowered before withering away, leaving a fresh flower for May to pick.
"I used a lot, so I made more." She explained.
Ah. Not a bad idea, since her resources can literally reproduce.
"Why did it suddenly go bonkers like that?" She asked.
"I don't know. It might have been programmed to go on the offensive when it was unmasked. It was weird how much it was in denial about it, though. Like it was desperate. Maybe it was made to try to pretend as much as possible it was real or maybe it really didn't know." I replied.
"That's sickening, tricking it into thinking it is real then taking that away at the worst moment and making it into a monster." She spat.
"Who or whatever made this is certainly a bad guy. It was probably going to become a robber when the controller decided to move, completely violating the persona it wore." I agreed.
"Whoever did this I want to know who! This is just so wrong!" May announced, with some heat her tiny hands balled up in anger.
"Trust me, when I find out you will be with me. We'll beat them up together." She took this like some kind of treat, because her face broke into a brilliant smile. I didn't say I was taking you to Disneyland. It's just a villain ganking. Geez.
"Promise?!" She asked desperately.
"Sure. I don't know for certain how long that will be: weeks, months, maybe longer if the robot has no identifiable source for its components or ends up being a dead end." I pointed out.
"Don't care! A promise is a promise!" She crooned.
"Well I can tell you most of it doesn't look like normal, store bought electronics." I remarked.
"Does it have a Made in Taiwan label?" She asked innocently.
"Actually… yes. I can't believe that, but yes it does. On the… motherboard?" I pointed out.
"Really?!" She yelled.
"No. Not at all." I deadpanned.
"You're being mean!" She grumbled, folding her hands and pouting.
"Tell you what, how about we go out for some fancy little cakes later to celebrate your win?" I offered.
"Yay!" She spun around in glee.
Was I ever that young…
Oh, right. I still am in theory.