The carriage jostled Wendy from side to side as a wheel hit a rough patch of dirt on the long winding road, she sat deep in her thoughts, her world felt eerily still. She had lived every day of her life on the edge of her nerves, feeling as though she was barely holding all that she was feeling inside of her, the guilt of never being enough for her parents, the shame of her appearance, the fear of her parents reactions and punishments to her failures. And yet at this very moment, on what so many women would describe as the happiest day of their lives, she felt almost nothing. The kind of silence the morning after a storm sees.
Her eyes stole a glance at her now husband, he looked out the window to his right, his jaw clenched and his brow furrowed in thought. Of their own accord her eyes drifted down the slope of his nose, tracing slowly until they settled on his inviting lips. She jerked her head back to her own window, the countryside passing by escaping her notice, her fingers reached and brushed against her own lips and she suddenly felt as though his lips were on hers again.
The Duke had kissed her as the seal of their marriage, his warm and surprisingly soft lips had brushed so tenderly and passionately still against hers, evoking such strong feelings of desire in her that she did not know she was capable of. But no, the passion had only been felt on her end, as he laid his lips against hers she heard his groan, as if it was torture to be kissing her, as if he was disgusted, and being able to bear it no longer he had ripped his lips from hers and ushered her from the church. She had felt the shame then churning in her stomach, tightening in her chest. Such a handsome man forced together with such an unseemly woman but he had not wanted to humiliate her at the altar, further proof of his thoughtfulness.
She would not blame him, she could not. Someone like him, was surely used to being in the company of the most beautiful women, had probably had their mothers throwing their daughters in his path, and yet here he was, stuck with a plain woman destined to be an old maid.
"We will travel for well on an hour longer," His deep voice broke her from her thoughts and filled the cab of his large carriage "we will board for the night and resume our travels tomorrow where I believe we will reach Thornberg estate before nightfall." He spoke to her softly, like one would to a frightened child.
She nodded, unsure of what to say and turned her head to stare out at the darkening trees flying by the window, she was thankful that nightfall was fast approaching so he could not see the heat that lit her face and made it's way down her neck, panic squeezing her throat. This was her wedding night, at seven and twenty she could hardly feign ignorance at the actions that were expected of her tonight, though there were many gaps in her knowledge in that area, she understood most of what would happen. But would he even want that from her? Surely if he did, it would only be until she bore him an heir and then he would no longer desire to visit her in the night.
Suddenly she recalled when she was ten, hearing Bianca's screams as she birthed her twin sisters, her father drinking away in his study as he awaited the news on whether he had a son or not, an heir to his estate at last. As violently as it had started, the screaming stopped, silence hung like a heavy blanket being broken by the cries of two healthy babes. As the Doctor had stepped from the room her father had rushed past him and slowly Wendy had slipped into the room as well, curious to gaze upon her new sibling. She had been in astonishment when she saw the two beautiful bundles being held by the maids who had assisted the Doctor.
"Well?!" her father had demanded as Bianca lay pale on the bed, ignoring the state of his wife. A maid moved forward with one of the bundles. "Tis both girls, you have two more daughters, milord." She had mumbled with obvious fear in her voice.
Her father had ripped the baby from the maids arms, throwing the blanket aside to confirm for himself he was still without an heir, the baby cried at it's rough treatment and the maid rushed forward to take her back in her arms. "Useless." Her father had spat at Bianca as he turned to her before storming from the room.
Wendy had thought Bianca was dead for how pale she was, as well as the blood she saw staining the once white sheets beneath her, but slowly she recovered. It was but two months later when Wendy could not sleep, laying awake in fear and listening to the cries and pleas for help that were never answered, Bianca would wail in agony when her husband visited her in the night. Bianca fell pregnant again after that, and had given birth to a boy who lived only moments after his birth, his mother almost joining him. Her father had never visited Bianca's chambers again after that, declaring Bianca incapable of giving him a son. A fact that Wendy, and she was certain Bianca, was thankful for.
"We will board here for the night." The Duke's voice pulled her from her harsh memories as the carriage pulled to a stop. Wendy nodded soundlessly again, Rhys began to wonder if the fire he saw in her that day in front of her parents had been a fluke, he sighed as turned and threw open the door. He would give anything to stretch his legs out and he was certain his wife would like to as well, he turned back to the carriage once his feet were firmly planted on the ground and reached out his hand to Wendy. She flinched back, her eyes squinting shut and her face turning as if to protect herself, Rhys felt a slow rage burning in him, her parents were much worse than he had already thought.
Wendy cursed herself, foolish, he was not going to hit her in such an open and public area. She needed to be better about guarding her reactions. She looked up and saw his grey eyes shudder whatever he was feeling from the rest of the world, his hand slowly reaching out once more, she placed her hand in his their skin sliding against each others and he gently squeezed as if to lend her strength. Suddenly she was standing face to face with him, he was looking down into her eyes, searching for what she was not sure but she held her breath against the emotions wrecking havoc inside of her.
"You have nothing to fear from me, not ever." He whispered softly to her before his lips upturned into a slight smile and he was backing away, their hands lingering together until the distance forced them to drop them and he walked over to help with the horses and speak with the innkeeper. Wendy was rooted to her spot until she was urged to follow her husband inside.
As they made their way inside a rather robust older man with a clean white apron tied around his waist moved forward to assist them. Wendy paid no mind to the conversation as she watched a stable boy carry her trunk up a set of stairs at the end of the large dining area.
"Come, Wendy." The Duke once again became her focus as he led her up stairs, her heart pounding in her chest as he showed her into a large room, a fireplace situated at one end, a fire already lit in it, a small table with two chairs set by the window, a settee on a rug in front of the fireplace gave off comforting vibes and the room was completed with a large bed at the other end, sheer white curtains hung around the bed and soft, sheets and covers were laid out on the mattress. It was an inn of high quality the likes of which Wendy had rarely seen.
"Thank you, that will be all" Rhys thanked the servant boy as he slipped a coin into his hand and shut the door behind him, his eyes scanning the room quickly to be sure her trunk had been brought up and a hot meal was laid out on the table, ham, boiled potatoes, bread, and a pitcher of wine, and though he had not eaten all day he felt no hunger, at least not the kind that would be satisfied with mere food. His eyes moved to his now wife, they dipped with the curves of her body and her fresh smell of flowers drifted over to his nostrils, indeed, he thought she looked much more appetizing than the food, but he would not force himself on a woman and certainly not one he knew did not hold that affection for him.
"I will take leave of you to check on the horses, perhaps you would like to change into something more comfortable and then have a bite to eat before retiring, we do have a long journey ahead of us tomorrow and we will only be stopping once to luncheon and water the horses." When she did not respond to him, only stared at him with wide, shining blue eyes, he hesitated for a moment before bowing slightly to her and turning from the room.
Wendy could not help the disappointment that settled in her chest as she heard the door click softly into place behind him, she had wished that he would stay, that they might share their evening meal together and maybe speak and learn of one another. And then she might be more relaxed for what she had thought the evening might hold, though it seemed he would not come to her bed even for an heir. They would be married in name only. Her cheeks burned with the embarrassment that came with the knowledge that she desired him in that way. She longed for him in a way she had not longed for any man before. He made her heart race against her chest, her cheeks flush, and her knees feeling weak.
She turned from the food as the thought of it left her feeling sick, she undressed from her wedding gown with difficulty, folding it as nicely as she could to be placed in her trunk, slipping out of her constricting undergarments until she was bare, she let her night dress fall down her body to her feet, picking the pins from her hair she let it hang around her in it's wild and curly state, brushing it out softly but leaving it free for her sleep, too tired to even braid it.
She settled into bed and waited a bit, expecting to hear the Duke come through the door, after almost an hour of waiting she laid back into the large mattress, the empty side of the large bed suddenly felt glaringly obvious. She called herself foolish as tears slipped out of her eyes and puddled in her ears even though she could not be bothered to care.
She had already prepared to live the rest of her life alone, she just hadn't expected to have to do it with someone by her side.