I just looked at her completely blank. I just sat there and took in the outline of her face, confused and not having a care in the world.
The session was over for the day and I didnt hear or say anything or maybe I wasn't listening.
Why do I have to be the one with the nightmares, I utter while driving sluggish.
'Seems like they will never leave', but my mind strayed from it, as a stray dog resurfaced in my head. The whole incident seemed real but the counselor said it is an elusion, but it seems like I'm there but I'm not, it's all due to stress.
Later that day I went home, I didn't bother to go into the office because I don't believe I'm ready for that as yet.
I went into the bathroom to look at my figure and I'm seeing the scar and I knew I had an incident recently, so what she is saying can't be true. The taught vanished as soon as I heard a knock on the door and I wasn't in the shape to speak to anyone, but do I have a choice. I have to put up a front.
"Good day,".... I wasn't even listening to them, I was mostly observing. They we're both Indians and the male looked like he was in his late 40s, but what caught my attention was the length of his hair which was at his knee. I thought to myself, 'how extra,' but then I took in the girl's appearance and she seemed young, about 19 or 20.
" here is my card, call me if you see anything" and with that, I took the Card and locked the door not knowing what they said.
The card had predator on it including two names Soraya Shanks and Jesawya Shanks but three numbers. I left it on the dining table before returning to look at where my scars were.
I sat on my bed for the time being thinking about how depressed I am, until I decided to do something to release my stress. I called Kate to come over. I just want to loosen up for once or to feel free so I called Kate over because I didn't know anything about liquor. I have never gotten drunk before, but I am willing to try it now. I was frustrated and I was depressed. I was tired of The Flashbacks along with the fact that No One Believed Me. My therapist Simone said I'm stupid. I drank a whole bottle of Apolic Red, Heineken, Vodka, just thinking about everything ive been through, but the alcohol wasn't bad but I was just waiting for the drunkness to kick in, but I just looked and looked. Kate was knocked out cold and she only drank half a bottle of tequila and 1/2 Heineken. I just wanted to drink away my problems for once just once as I said that while cracking my neck, I saw him at the counter in the dark I stayed still but I wanted to turn on the light but I was so scared. I didn't want to move an inch. I got up and ran to switch on the light, but he was gone, the same time I heard the back door but because I was so afraid to move waiting in the position for 5 minutes straight to listen out for anything even a pin dropping but nothing, I walk slowly towards Kate and wake her up and told her what happened, she just laughed and went back to sleep. This is up to me and only me. I got up and thought to myself how did I get this shakey. I rushed to the door seeing it open and close it and turn on all lights in the house. I kept them on for the entire night. I went back to the coach where kate was sleeping and got a blanket for her and myself and I slept on the floor.
'He was standing at the door while he controlled my mouth couldn't move, I couldn't say anything. He then walked closer and I try to get up out of bed but I was so weak, but I never gave up. As I stood up for a Split Second, I landed on the ground and made a groan escape my mouth. He took me up and rest me back on the bed that's when pieces started to come back, but they weren't full. My dream drift to me being in this dark place, nothing but Darkness I walked and walked until my feet bled I was walking in a forest for sure I couldn't see a thing but I felt the tree roots under my foot, leaves, and twigs but then a burning sensation and that's how I knew my foot was cut. I woke up in the middle of the night. Wanting to sleep but I didn't want to dream any further I wanted to forget all this and move on but it was like I wasn't escaping this one. Shortly after forcing myself to sray awake i then drifted back into a deep sleep where I walked for a little while longer until I reached a cave. When entering the cave it was Pitch Black and I started to feel for the wall to guide me and upon reaching another entrance of the cave there is light so I walked closer to the light but there is also a man in the light, maybe this is him, maybe this is where I faced him and asking all these questions that are rushing through my mind. I walked closer to him completely 1 inch away from him, but instead of asking questions I stood there and I burst into tears he then walks off leaving me on the floor to cry. When I was finished he gave me a small towel to wipe my face, and I also tried to calm myself to get comfortable into speaking and preparing for what to come and that's when everything started that's where everything took a new turn.
I shouldn't have.